Need some one to talk to about keeping my baby or having an abortion?

Question

I am 20 years old and a little over 7 weeks pregnant. My boyfriend and I recently moved to the west coast away from our families in the midwest. This pregnancy was not planned, we thought my BF was infertil so I wasnt on BC. I feel horrible if I have an abortion but I don't know if our minimum wage jobs would allow us to give the baby the life it deserves! If you have been in a similar situation and feel like you could clear my head or give me any constructive advice I would appreciate it! Its just hard being in a hormonal state of mind and trying to make this decision. I'll give more details through email if you want to talk! THANK YOU xoxo!

Answer 1

Oh darling... If it makes you sad to think about aborting, and you have a hope in your heart that you could keep it, I think it's simple. Give yourself enough time to process all of it. It's early on and you haven't known all that long probably? You don't have to decide today, or tommorow or even in a week.. you do have the time to think about all the options. My situation was somewhat similar but a few extras thrown in and I went through the same questions and just cried and hurt to think about getting rid of it. I now have a 13month old daughter who is the absolute light of my life! I can't even put it in words. Money issues aside 9 months is a very long time to get ready for a child, if you do it with all your love. Whatever you decide you have to committ fully to your decission. Now on the money side of things, yes babies cost more than just a couple, but oncve again 9 months is a long time to slowly gather all you need.. and if you chose to have the bub you'll find some things you normally spend $ on will become much less important! It is possible if it's what you want! As long as you can afford the basics you will be ok and your baby needs love, safety & security above anything else! The happiest time of my childhood was probably the time when my parents had the least $.. it means nothing to a child!! How does your man feel about it? I'm sure he's feeling a lot of pressure and possibly quite confused, I hope you are supporting each other.. lots of cuddles and talking=) OK and as for the family support, I live in New Zealand and my family is in Australia sometimes it's hard of course I miss them but again it it absolutelly possible to do it=) There is a lot of support out there if you can learn how to ask for help. There will be others young mum's who you will probably become friends with. My answer, I know, seems one sided but I am just speaking from the heart and giving you a little reassurance- the same as I got from a friend when I was in you situation.. it was invaluable to me so I hope I have helped.. and it is YOUR choice, it's your body and your baby...If you chose to go the other way you are well within your rights as no one else is living your life! I wish you all the very best!!!! If you wanna chat how do we swap email on this site? do you just post it in your answer? I'm a bit new to this. xoxo...............wow! look at all this support just from a couple of paragraphs!!!!! You have a good heart...thats the essence of being a beautiful mummy=)

Answer 2

if u believe in god then you will know that he does not like killing and neither do i especially a baby so for him do not have abportion if u cant take care of it give it up for adoption

Answer 3

Hi!

Girl,Listen up just because you have a minimum wage job doesn't mean you can't have a baby.This is another human your talking about you want to kill another human because you have a minimum wage job?No you will give this baby the life it deserves no matter what minimum wage or not. I mean it's ok the baby doesn't have to have a perfect life.I don't have a good life but still my mom never killed me my mom and dad are divorced and she just finished schooling and is gonna give me a better life. Don't kill the baby it will be okay i promise.

Love Always,

Chelsie

Answer 4

There are many agency willing to help newborns and thier families.  And even though you only have minimum wage jobs you will prob qualify for aide.   I you feel horrible now about having one you wil feel that way for a very long time afterwords if you do through with it.  I would suggest keeping it or giving it away for adoption

Answer 5

Babies don't need fancy or expensive things. You can get by on minimum wage jobs. There are programs available that will help you (Medicaid, WIC, etc.) through your pregnancy and afterwards. If you're trying to save money, you can get many things from garage sales, hand-me-downs, Craigslist, Freecycle, etc. Good luck!

Answer 6

You will never regret having your baby. You will find a way to make it work, there is a lot of help out there for low income families. Just go ahead and enjoy your pregnancy and your new baby!

Answer 7

I think you feel that you do not want to have an abortion and end this little life that could become something amazing, so if you do not think you and your boyfriend could support the baby you should think of adoption. There are many different types of adoption and someone out there that cannot have a baby would love to take care of yours.

Good luck!

p.s. nobody can really answer this question for you, its got to be a decision made between you and your boyfriend, and it has to feel right, otherwise you will always be wondering "what-if". But if you know your making the right decision, with your babys life in good thoughts you will be satisfied and grateful for your decision.

Answer 8

keep the baby,its a blessing. :) you can't correct one thing through one more mistake but u can learn from it.

Answer 9

sounds like you wither need to step up or do the right thnk adoption. why so selfish? sorry but I was almost 17 when i had my son. I stepped up and was responsible!! I am now on number 4 it can be done in an order you didn't ecpect!  

Answer 10

If u thought ur boyfriend was infertile then maybes this is his only chance at becoming a father so i would think a lil harder into this... How does he feel?? Im only 22 i had a baby in sep 2007 at 21 and yes she was planned. I had a good job and so does my hubby. What we done was budgeted!! I have since decided not to go back to work so we only have one income! There is a lot of things you can buy which are not over budget. Babies bring so ,much love and joy and all they need is love. I dont know where id be without my daughter she is amazing and even thou she is spoilt and i cant have luxurys etc i dont care cos thats whta having a baby is all about. There is some people who have no jobs or even less paid than urself and have more than one kid and they cope...Id say keep baby and budget and organise dont make a rash decision.

Answer 11

I am Pro-Life so I'd agree with not having an abortion, you could do adoption.

Answer 12

if you ill feel horrible and dont think you can give the baby a life it deserves than let someone else. its called adoption

Answer 13

Here's some advice, I advise against seeking advice from strangers on the internet on such a difficult topic as this one. It's not like asking people what kind of "___" to buy. You're only going to be pelted with progaganda from both sides and people trying to talk you into doing what THEY think is best, not you.

You need to research and decide for YOURSELF what to do because again, people here are only going to push their agenda. Even myself.

And let this be a lesson with regard to BCs. I don't think someone without the judgment to use birth control should have children, but that's just me.  

Answer 14

DONT have an abortion...adoption!

Answer 15

I am sorry but I do not agree with abortion.  I think you need to give he baby to a family who can take care of it and love it.  GIVE THE BABY UP FOR ADOPTION.  I feel that is the best thing for your baby.

Answer 16

Please contact Planned Parenthood. They can give you all the options in an honest truthful unbiased way

http://www.plannedparenthood.org/  

Answer 17

I am 17 years old and have a 2 months old son.

He wasn't planned either, and i was getting an abortion.

I had my appointment booked and my bgs packed. i went in that day and for some reason I couldnt do it. My boyfriend is on minimum wage and i was in school with no income. Its hard I know. But i know you can do it. If an abortion is not what you want then you can do it. and you just do the best you can with what you have. It will be the best experience of your life! Good luck email me if you need to talk!

Answer 18

If you know you would hate to have an abortion then why not consider adoption. Your baby would be able to have the type of life you want it, and better yet it would be alive.

Answer 19

If you want your baby then trust me you can make this work!!! There are plenty of government programs that will help you. You can get on medicaid, wic, or food stamps if you really need it. If you don't feel this is the right time for you to have a child then please give it up for adoption. Just because you may not be ready does not mean then child does not deserve a chance at life. I hope all works out for you. Good Luck and God Bless!

Answer 20

I definitely know what your talking about. I'm 21 years old and my daughter is about to be 9 months now so that means i was only 19 when i got pregnant and unemplyed and split from my boyfriend that i got pregnany by so believe me when i say i know. i was totally not comfortable with getting an abortion and couldnt even think about giving away my baby to adoption so i decided to keep her and it was the ebst decision i ever made because no matter how hard things get everyday when i get home from work i look at that little girl and its like everything goes away. fortunately things worked out for me, i got a good job with bank of america been there a year now and me and my boyfriend who weve been together since we were 15, we worked out our little difference and got back together. i was already living with my boyfriend and his family way before i got pregnant and when i went back to work  my mother in law started watching my daughter while im at work for free so thats a big help, i just pay my father in law $300 a month to help out. also i dont know if youve ever heard of WIC but its a program for low income families and they basically help you out with certain groceries and believe it helps, i get all my milk, baby cereal, tuna, beans, carrots, cheese, cereal for me, and juice, and if youre not breastfeeding they give you formula too. so it just depends if you have the help, what youre morals and beliefs are and making the decision with your boyfriend or on your own if you have to. i had to make the decision on my own because my boyfriend did not want to have her at first and either did my mother in law and now i cant pry my daughter away from them. so just think over the options and may god bless you with whatever you decide. GOOD LUCK! AND REMEMBER YOURE NOT ALONE.

Answer 21

i'm yet to meet anyone who is glad they had an abortion and most regret it for the rest of their lives.  Personally i think the life your baby deserves is the opportunity to live.  

But if you really feel that you couldn't make a life for a child - then there are plenty of families out there who can, and would be willing.

My younger brother is adopted.  He was going to be aborted but his birth mum changed her mind when my mum offered to adopt.  He is an amazing young man and our whole family is close to his birth mother (17 years later).  It was a private, open adoption.

don't base a decision like this on money.  Base it on what you know to be right and what your conscience is telling you.

Answer 22

Having a baby seems scary, but I'm glad I did. I found a way, and in the beginning I did have to get some assistance from the government with child care costs and formula. But, I'm so glad I swallowed my pride and did it. An abortion is a decision many women regret, I've never met a woman that regretted bringing their child into the world, including me. Good luck, and I hope you make the right decision.

Answer 23

I had a friend, who years ago, had an abortion. She then had 3 children after this. The memory of the abortion has haunted her throughout her life. She had three boys all within 5 years after the abortion and kept them. She was 14 when she got pregnant the first time and had her other boys by the time she was 19. She did not have a good job at the time and her boyfriend was not there for her. She survived and her children are beautiful. It was a bit hard on her, but she did make it and the only thing she regrets is the abortion. Good luck in your decision. I know it's not easy, but life is rarely easy. You can make it work, no matter your income. There are government assistance plans that you can use. Best wishes.....

Answer 24

Obviously you don't want to talk about this personal stuff where everyone can read what you are saying.  You are more than welcome to email me and I'll give you my number if you would like.  I don't know where you live on the west coast, but I'm up in Washington.  I'd love to talk to you.

Answer 25

well there's other option besides abortion u could give birth and give it up for adoption. you have to think really hard about abortion bc it's final once u do it u can never go back. if ur feeling horrible about abortion  right now i think you shouldn't abort bc u r gonna keep wonderin what if and you will feel guilty. there's other choices even though u have minimum wage. i know that if u have min wage and ur pregnant u could apply for medicaid they don't deny women who r pregnant also once u have the baby u could apply for food stamp and welfare depending on ur money.

Answer 26

well, if you cant have an abortion, you could put the child up for adoption.  hopefully a familly who can afford would take the child.

Answer 27

I would say that you can raise a kid on your incomes you will just have to adjust. If you really dont want this baby you should also think of adoption and giving the gift of life to someone that want it and cant have it!