Need some opinions- really don't have the answer?

Question

So my boyfriend of over 2 years and I broke up tonight. It was inevitable and, well, though it's sad it's a relief at the same time. Though he really is a great guy, he needs a girl that can give him certain things, and vice versa.

So here's my predicament. I do NOT have any interest in finding someone anytime soon. Obviously! But my problem I'm facing now is how to get interested in someone sexually for the future.

My now ex-boyfriend is Catholic and only believes in abstinence before marriage. He made me feel awful about wanting to be sexual, and made me feel like a pervert and a sexual manipulator (his words). Whenever we were sexual, it was usually followed up with regret if it went too far (and it was always me pressuring apparently- no personal responsibility on his part). He even told me that me suggesting things was pressuring, that he only gave in to make me happy, and he didn't enjoy any of it. Lovely.

On top of THAT, my previous relationship of a year and a half was somewhat similar. He again was a great guy, but he just did not have any interest in anything sexual. He was an obese guy with absolutely no s*x drive. He would feel bad, but just not have interest and not initiate. I would ask, do things, initiate with nothing back.

Going through BOTH of these relationships has been emotionally draining. I feel like a w***e because I just wanted to share that part of myself with someone. My now ex always said that I cared only about being sexual, which wasn't true at all!!

My question: After all of this- how do I even begin to believe that a man will want me for myself- friendship, commitment, caring, AND sexual. It feels like I'll either find a player who ONLY wants sexual relationship, or another "great guy" who thinks being sexual is wrong or just isn't interested. HELP!!!!

Plus, I find the whole idea of being sexual to be a headache, and I really have lost all interest and s*x drive. I guess now I'd be a perfect match for either of them. However, my losing my sexual desire has depressed me greatly! :( I'm so frustrated!

Answer 1

wow you really ran into a couple of winners didn't you? we all aren't like that and you aren't a w***e for having the desire.

but it seems there are two extremes as you mentioned. to find the ones of us who are still out here that are interesting in learning what's between your ears before we learn what's between your legs is a task i will admit. it's the same from the guy's point of view. either the girls are doing everyone, or nobody....to find that one that can manage the perfect balance of lady and freak is a challenge....and even more so to find one that can do it and do it for only one.

your situation isn't unique....there are others out there who feel your pain.

i would say however, that to find two guys with no interest at all like that was a bit of bad luck. hang in there....we're out there.....

Answer 2

Unfortunately you got the short end of the straw having an extreme-religious boyfriend who believes strongly in the abstinence. Usually you won't come across that too much, (Usually they get over that part of their religion anyways once they see how great s*x can be)

I have plenty of religious guys that are friends of my who have said "s***w the abstinence part".

Most religious people start out wanting to be like your boyfriend, but 1% of them turn out 100% true to that.

Answer 3

You say, "My now ex always said that I cared only about being sexual, which wasn't true at all!!"  however the whole of your dialogue above is about s*x, nothing else stands out in what you have written.

Answer 4

Just be yourself. If the person you are with doesn't want to have s*x...then don't push it. Talk about s*x with your partner. Be very honest and blunt about what your needs are and ask him what his are. Maybe you should wait to have s*x with a guy until you get to know him better.  

Answer 5

"It's Ok" to feel that way right now !

Take a "Breather"...."Smell The Flowers"........and capitolize on getting to have a "Clear Mind"....

    Get to know Yourself, with-out any inluence , but "Your Own".

  Trust Yourself, and things will go places You never expected :).................

                        

    

Answer 6

Be honest with yourself about what you need.

Be honest with him about what you need.

If those things don't match up, do the responsible thing for yourself and end the relationship rather than trying to control it and change it to make it work. That's the basic line between assertion and abuse is that attempt to control things. Trust me, it was a huge deal when I recognized it in myself. It's a much more rational, relaxed, and self-gratifying world when you start to just do the difficult-but-responsible thing and do what needs to be done, no more, no less.  

Answer 7

You need to find some one that has a hig s*x drive like your self. Some one that wants to explore the body just like you do. If you can find some one like this i am sure you will be very happy.