Need some witty comments please :)?

Question

Heard a comment "I find that a Duck's opinion of me is very much influenced over whether or not I have bread".

I just want some sort of comment similar to that one =]

Answer 1

"Death comes to us all, but that doesn't mean we can't go down throwing our arms, kicking our legs and screaming our heads off"

I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, 'If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?'

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.

I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.

What's another word for "thesaurus"?

When I get real bored, I like to drive down town and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if i'm leaving.

When I was a kid, we had a quick-sand box in the backyard. I was an only child...eventually.

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

I have a switch in my apartment that doesn't do anything. Every once in a while I turn it on and off. One day I got a call from a woman in France who said "Cut it out!"

I replaced the headlights on my car with strobe lights. Now it looks like I'm the only one moving.

I wrote a song, but I can't read music. Every time I hear a new song on the radio, I think "Hey, maybe I wrote that."

I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on purpose. Now when I get pulled over the cop looks at it (moving it nearer & farther, trying to see it clearly).... and says, "Here, you can go."

I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

I turned my air condition the other way around,and it got cold out. The weatherman said, "I don't understand it. It was supposed to be 80 degrees out today." I said "Oops..."

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.

I spilled Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

My neighbor has a circular driveway. He can't get out.

I bought some powdered water, but I didn't know what to add.

I put instant coffee in a microwave and almost went back in time.

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now, but leave a message and I'll call when I'm out."

I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don't know how I got there.

I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time." So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street and.................oohh, that's much better.

I have a hobby. I have the world's largest collection of sea shells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen some of it.

I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.

Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle.

Answer 2

I don't know what you mean by "similar to that one"--with animals in it? evidence of self-interest? evident bias?

In the corrupted currents of this world

Offence's gilded hand may shove by justice;

And oft 'tis seen the wicked prize itself

Buys out the law. But 'tis not so above.

There is no shuffling. There the action lies

In his true nature, and we ourselves compelled,

Even to the teeth and forehead of our faults,

To give in evidence.

       (Claudius, trying to pray in _Hamlet_)

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside a dog, it's too dark to read. (Groucho Marx)

A book is like a mirror: if an *** looks in, you can't expect an apostle to look out. (C. G. Lichtenberg)

People say they want your opinion, but they really want praise. (W. Somerset Maugham)

I said, you know they refused Jesus too; he said, you're not him. (Bob Dylan)

Answer 3

If I'm in a car, driving down a country lane, I don't need to see the b**l s**t before I can smell it.

Answer 4

a bird in the hand,is worth 4 if you've thrish!