Need someone to proof read or any English teachers out there for help?

Question

Before we moved to Rosemead my family lived in Chinatown, in Los Angeles, in an apartment with one bedroom, one bathroom, a small kitchen and a tiny living room. My father had to work hard to save enough money, so he can move us into a bigger place. Finally, he bought a house in Rosemead for us to live and this meant a bigger living room and a few more bedrooms. Rosemead was quite different than the apartment we lived in Chinatown. For example, there were a lot of commercial buildings and apartment buildings that surrounded the apartment. In the neighborhood of Rosemead, it was still in the developmental stages. Not many houses were being built then, so it had a lot of open lots. The streets were filled with dirt roads and there were no sidewalks. This is like a developmental stage where I was five years old moving along each stage of life as I become an adult.

And what transition word can I put before this sentence?

as time passes by, many changes have occurred in my neighborhood of Rosemead.

Answer 1

Before we moved to Rosemead, my family lived in an apartment with one bedroom, one bathroom, a small kitchen and a tiny living room which was located in Chinatown in Los Angeles. My father had to work hard to save enough money, so he could move us into a bigger place. Finally, he bought a house in Rosemead for us to live in which meant a bigger living room and more bedrooms. Rosemead was quite different than Chinatown since, in Chinatown, there were a lot of commercial buildings and apartment buildings that surrounded the apartment. In the neighborhood of Rosemead, it was still in the beginning developmental stages. Not many houses were being built then so it had a lot of open lots. The streets were filled with dirt roads and there were no sidewalks. This developmental stage compares to when I was five years old and then moving along each stage of life as I become an adult.

"As time passes by" is a introduction to a sentence so I do not see the need for a transition word.

I am not a teacher, just a secretary for an attorney.

Answer 2

If I may suggest a rewrite:

Before we moved to Rosemead, my family lived in Chinatown, in Los Angeles.  Our apartment had one bedroom, one bathroom, a small kitchen and a tiny living room.  My father had to work hard to save enough money to move us into a bigger place.  Eventually, he bought a house in Rosemead.  The Rosemead house was quite different than the Chinatown apartment.  It had a bigger living room and more bedrooms.  Whereas the apartment was surrounded by commercial and other apartment buildings, the Rosemead house was surrounded by empty lots.  The neighborhood was still in the construction phase and not many houses were built.  The streets were unpaved and the sidewalks not yet poured.  As time went by, the stages of construction that I saw Rosemead go through was like the stages of life that I went through.

You can ignore this or change it more to better suit your style.