Need to punish a child for leaving the house?

Question

My g/f kid who is 13, left the house last night after dark, at least

by 11:15PM, while we were a sleep, and went downtown to see a friend. He came in the door 10 minutes after I left for work at 5:30AM this morning, and shocked the g/f. He didn't want to give up the friends name, but we believe we know who it is. He orginally said he went outside for awhile because he wasen't feeling well, but fessed up this morning. He is dead tired, but sent him to school, and will make him go to a basketball game tonight which he plays. But was wandering whats a good punishment, and a future one if he violates it again. We usually dock him a weeks allowance or suspend his going out to play after school, or the weekend with different wrong doings. Any suggestions would be helpful?

Answer 1

My brothers did this once. We lived on a farm and dad heard them leave so he hauled them out to the feild when they got back and made them watch cows all night (calving season, cold nights). I tried it once and when I came home my mom did the same thing as you. She also made me clean the attic between school and TaeKwonDo. The next morning I was up at 5.30 washing walls before school. After I washed the windows on the outside of the house and cleaned out the greenhouse. My mom decided I wanted to be awak all night I'd do it at home and she had a list of things I could do while I was awake.

Answer 2

First of all, he needs to understand why what he did is wrong and how much it worries you. Let him know you care.

If this was my child, I would take away phone and computer privileges.

Answer 3

Dont just take a weeks alawance, take about a months worth.  He is 13 and not a little kid anymore.  Punishments have to be extended now that they are older.  I have a 15 year old boy, he never gets alowence, he does ok with friends, chores and stuff.  I really don't have problem with him.  I do punish by takin the computer, television and video games all at once when he answers back to us. My husband and I have a really good close relationship with both my boys, ages 14 and 15.  

Good luck with your son.  I think 13 is way too young to be going out alone at night. Remember that teen will missbehave just for fun without knowing the concequeces.  I don't let my own 15 yearl old go out past 10:00p.m, he carries a cell phone and we know who he is with, plus their phone number in hand just in case.  

Good luck with your 13 year old.

Answer 4

does he have a cell?  take it.  and he isnt too old for a good old fashioned spanking.

Answer 5

Its good that you are making him perform his duties by going to school and playing tonight. As for getting the name of the person, tell them that tonight after the game you are going over to the friends out and telling them what happened. Give him one more chance to give you the name or you will go to who you think it is and get them in a lot of trouble. Once they confess take them to that friends house and have a sit down with the kids in the middle. Talk to the parents and together find a strong punishment. I thing grounding is about right. He won't be allowed to visit any one for 2 weeks. If he breaks it he gets something important (the number one thing he can't live with out) taken away and the two weeks will start again that day. Also during the two weeks wake him up early and have him do house work. I don't mean mop the floor I mean mow the lawn, help with the gardening, trim the tree you'd been meaning to get to. Really work him so at night he is to tired to do anything but sleep. And simply tell him that he is helping because he's there and he's there because he broke a very important rule.

Answer 6

There is nothing for YOU to do but butt out of it.  You are not the child's father, you are only the man the child's mother is sleeping with.  You have no business getting involved in the disciplining of this child.  Obviously the mother has no control over her son, has allowed him to have complete control in the past and lacks parental knowledge, my suggestion would be for HER to take parenting classes and learn how to deal with a growing teen.  For you...it's BUTT OUT.

Answer 7

Bud out buster, you're not his dad.

Let your GF handle it...

And 1 month of grounding would be good.

No TV, no internet, no phone... no nothing.

Answer 8

I personally would punish him for at least a month. If he were mine first off for goign out at night, second for lying. I would take his allowance for the month, take tv, computer, video games, and phone time for 2 weeks just for lying about it IT could have been serious, and if you dont' stop it now it'll only get worse.

Then for the going out consider grounding him for a month of no friends over and no going out.

If he hates the consequences chances are he won't try sneaking out at night again.

Answer 9

Understanding that this is the G/F's boy, I think it is still essential for you AND her to sit down with him and show him the terrible things and people that are out there. Then remind him that while he thinks he's a MAN he is but a BOY and could easily be over powered by some CREEP down town. We are all adults here and at those hours its only drug atticts and drug dealers out. Then after scaring the c**p out of him I think the advice left by "ReneeLo" was good.