Question:

Needs sorting out, help please?

by  |  earlier

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In an old church yard where the dead are found

Silence was broken by the church bells sound

And the birds that were singing in the trees

Took to flight on the Sunday breeze.

People started gathering miles around

To say there praise on holey ground.

I felt I had already seen this scène

The night before in a dream

So I decided to take a look inside

And found a lonely corner to hide

I listened carefully to what was said

And thought it over in my head

And as I was travelling on my way home

I the feeling I was not alone,

But was there really someone there?

Or did imagine it out of despair,

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2 ANSWERS


  1. A couple of winning last lines.

    I think breaking into stanzas would be a helpful thing.  My mentor says to take out all the weak words.

    "Holey ground" is brilliant!


  2. i think its pretty darn good the way it is a few small tweaks though i would put

    the birds that had been singing....

    and you forgot the word i had the  feeling i was not alone

    ahhhhhhh i really do like the poem evrything in it is so good but the last two lines dont seem to fit why would you of imagined it out of dispeair?i dont want to change your whole poem on you but what about making it something like your not alone (and use imagery or something to show that the spirt of the person whos grave you were at was with you? or mabye your the spirit....if you think either of those are good suggestions i will help you more if you want but if thats not something you want to explore then thats fine too you have a good poem that flows and rymths and produces emotion that can pull the reader in

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