Neighborhood friends now excluding and ignoring 6 year old son. My heart hurts for him and I'm angry. Help...

Question

These are kids he has been friends with for over a year. They are 9 and 11. He will call to them across the street and they won't answer him no matter how many times he calls to them. Their mom has been making up excuses and sending him away also. He doesn't understand what is going on. I have not talked to the parents yet.

Answer 1

It hurts to see any child excluded, esp. one's own!  

If the kids were all the same age, or maybe within a year, I would set out a plate of Rice Krispies treats and buy a new soccer ball for them to use in games to get their attention again. I think kids, esp. in threes, like to triangulate and exclude one of the three occasionally to see how it feels to exert social power. It's a thing that passes, and it can be hurried along with a few harmless incentives.

The kids in THIS group are hardly peers in terms of age, and I would not have allowed my five year old to "play" with a 10 year old for a year, anyway. Too big an age gap and developmental differences that are beyond any shadow of a doubt inappropriate for the younest one in terms of influence. The 11 year old is NOW actually a pre-teen. Yowza! No way I'd let my six year old "play" with this older kid, and the 9 year old is also way to old to be a peer to your son, and obviously he's going to choose the older kid just because it's more exciting than hanging out with the baby of the group.

If this was a larger group of all age kids, that would be different. An older kid dropping in show off skills in sports or something and teach the younger kids is different from being one of three in a tight group of three, with one sooo much younger.

The way YOU handle this emotionally around your child will make all the differnce in how HE handles it. I would say show empathy for his feeings, but show him how to move on and heal his own sadness.

I would follow the advice of several people here and help my child understand the kids are older now and doing other things that he can do when HE's older, and then arrange some play dates with kids in his kindergarden or first grade class. Protect that child from those older, corrupting kids, please, as long as you CAN!

PS  Teaching him now that older kids sometimes do things he can't do yet will help when his friends start driving, dating, etc., and you want to say "not yet," and ease him into that world as he is READY, not because some of the other kids are doing it.

Answer 2

those kids are too old for your son to play with, find him some new friends.  I would have called the parent and asked what was going on anyways.

Answer 3

I personally think a 6 yr old should not be hanging around 11 yr olds, but since he has been friends with them i wouldn't press the issue it could make it worse.

Answer 4

It's a tough lesson to learn.  He'll find new friends.  Just don't press the issue.  It could get a lot worse.

Answer 5

It is time for the both of you to learn that not every child is going to be friends with him.  He has to be made to feel ok with that;  and it is an opportunity to teach him how to be selective with his friends as well.  "Do you really want to play with kids who are mean to you?"  "Kids that treat you that way aren't really your friends."  In the meantime, try to forgive these kids.  They are just being kids.  Think back to when you were their age, would you have wanted a little "Kindergarten baby" tagging along?  Instead, if there isn't anyone in your neighborhood his age he can play with, then set up some playdates with some of the kids from his class.  Get him involved in scouts or soccer so he'll have something to do this summer.

Answer 6

This is pretty normal for this age group. There's just too big of an age gap. Find him some playmates that are closer to his own age.

Answer 7

you need to talk to theyre parents....him being six and not understanding, i would think that would be the best thing. and talk with the kids also so they can understand also and know where your coming from...obviously when kids get older they change friends and change who they want to be friends with. have you thought about maybe getting him into sports or something similar to keep him occupied? good luck!

Answer 8

Basically they are 9 and 11, he is a little kid to them.  They got tired of the little kid hanging around.

The best thing to do is find some friends for your son his age.  Have them over to play, get one of those big blowey up things, stick it in the backyard.  The neighbor kids will flock to your house and things will be right in the world.... for a while.  But your son will always be too young for these guys.  He really needs his own aged core group to play with on a regular basis and the neighbor kids on a once in a while basis.

Answer 9

First of all, talk to the mother and find out if shes doing it [likee telling the other children not to play with him], or if the children are [asking the mother to make up excuses because they dont like your son.]. If it is the childrens fault,

I wouldn't even want my son to have friends like that, so try to get your son to make new friends. If it is the mothers fault I would talk to her about it, and find out if there is a reason.

Your son might have said or done something she didn't agree with, and so she is seperating her children and yours.

If she wont say anything when you talk to her, or pretends to not know what your talking about, I would just get your son some new friends.

Remember when talking to the mother, to be very sweet and kind [even if you feel like giving her a few punches] because if you loose your cool, or say something rude, it would give her a REAL reason why to seperate the children from eachother.

Good Luck!

Answer 10

Possibly he did something to them , he may not even realise. Have a chat to the parents

Answer 11

the kids feel they are to old to be friends with him because they are in different schools the best thing i can say is get him to make new friends in his class

Answer 12

Its a big age difference.  Sounds tough but honestly there not being physicaly or verbally mean to him so theres not much you can do.  Id say try to find him some friends more along his own age groups.  My heart goes out to him also as i have suffered the same problems he would be faceing now.  Try and look at this as a posotive not.  He is mature enough to get along with peers nearly 5 years older than him.  Be pruod yet supportive.

Answer 13

They are getting older and want to hang out with kids their own age.  Don't talk to their parents -- they are acting quite reasonably for their age groups, and you should help redirect your son towards peers closer to his own age.  An 11-year-old (and some 9-year-olds) certainly have very little in common with a 6-year-old.  Explain to your son that you're sorry but since they're older, they're focused right now on playing with kids who are closer to their age.  Invite some kids from your son's grade over for playdates and get him involved in some activities with kids his own age.

My 7-year-old is the "baby" of the neighborhood (I have younger kids, but they're so young they're not even interested in playing with the older neighbors, whereas my 7-year-old is).  The other kids range from 9 to 12.  He's lucked out in that the 9-year-old actually likes playing with him and the older kids are pretty tolerant of him.  However, if any of them were showing signs they didn't want to play with him, I'd definitely redirect him towards other playmates.  I certainly don't encourage him to go knocking on the 12-year-old's doors.  It's the rare kid who wants to routinely play with someone 5 years younger than them, since they have totally different interests.