Neutral on Adoption...???

Question

My parents have been talking about adoption for about a year now. They have takin all the nessacary classes and have filled out all paper work. I've always wanted a brother so I've been excited. But now, they've started focusing more on "the new guy" and left my sister and I out in the cold. How long will it take to get our family back to normal again??? Should I tell my parents how I feel????????

Answer 1

Yes, of course you should tell them how you feel.  Try to be honest and respectful of your feelings and theirs.  Listen to what they say, and ask them to listen to you.

I should say this, your family won't get "back to normal."  And this would be true even if they were giving birth to a third child rather than adopting.  Every new member of the family changes the dynamic.  (I remember very well how the births of each of my siblings changed the family.)

Things always change, but they don't have to be bad changes.  They shouldn't be excluding you.  But you will see better results if you can address your concerns with them in an honest and respectful manner.  

Good luck to you.

Answer 2

You and your sister will always be mommy and daddy's little girls.

Answer 3

Definitely tell them how you feel!  Adoption isn't temporary, it's forever.  Your family will never get "back to normal", though eventually the "new guy" won't be such a novelty.  

I was only 4 when my brothers were adopted.  My parents then had another son 7 months later.  It totally messed me up for a pretty long time.  However, I wouldn't ever go back and undo the adoption, I would just change how my family handled it.  Adoption can be very stressful on pre-existing siblings (whether they were originally adopted or biological).  Please discuss with your parents how you feel.  It is a good idea if your parents would consider enrolling your family in monthly or bi-montly family counseling for the next few years.  Adoption is wonderful, but needs to be handled with care!

Answer 4

Yes you should definitely tell them how you feel.  There is no situation that warrants you not  being honest with your parents.  It just takes time to adjust to changes within the family.  They value your feelings very much.  Just be honest and try to say how you feel in a kind, respectful way.  I wish that there was some kind of time line that I could give you but there isn't.  Just the remember, the sooner you tell your parents how you feel, the better. You shouldn't let that weigh heavy on your heart.

Answer 5

YES!  Everything needs to be open about the adoption.  Honesty is the only policy.  Everyone should be allowed to express their concerns, fears, hopes, emotions.  

It's hard to say how long it will take to get your family "back to normal".  There will be a new normal once everyone has adjusted to your "new" family.  

Do talk to your parents.  Let them know you're feeling left out and that doesn't feel too great.  Together you can find ways to include everyone, making this new journey a happy event for the whole family.

Good luck!