New Year Cricket Predictions: the year 2011 foretold
January
Ricky Ponting manages to lose another Ashes during his pinky finger surgery while in the hospital. The cricket guru’s had deemed this impossible. The scientists are stunned and have termed this as nothing less than a miracle.
Michael Clarke adorns the bikini for the show Australia’s top model, beats all competition, the show hits top rankings, Michael Clarke is http://www.senore.com/Cricket/Australia-c746’s top model.
Mitchell Johnson gets a mole tattooed above his lip. It looks intimidating when bowling to the Pom’s especially when he goes, “meow”.
February
ICC bans the entire Pakistan team for fixing their socks out in the sun. “We knew something was up when pictures of the Pakistan players emerged fixing their socks out in the sun. We have thus decided to hold an inquiry into the matter. Of course, Pakistan
has fixed their socks so we hope that the outcome is a fair one. They will be looking at life bans.”
Stuart Broad gets a gender transplant and will now be playing for the England women team.
Malinga has announced his retirement. He says he has plans to work in a circus as the guy with live snakes on his head. He said, his talents for the golden headed serpents on his heads were not recognized. I’m a mutant, they don’t like the mutant man.
http://www.senore.com/Cricket/March-c74391
Sudan beats http://www.senore.com/Cricket/India-c750 in the world cup final. Talking to the captain of the Sudan national cricket team, he said, “Of course our strikers were in good form. The defence had its flaws, but then again we worked as a unit. The passing was good, we knew it would
be a positive result. To be honest, we did know we had a fair chance to win the world cup.
April
Ricky Ponting says he can still play. He scored 7 not out 12 months ago and believes that he still has it left in him. Michael Clarke was unavailable for comment. Mitchell Johnson said, “meow”.
Harbajhan Singh scores his first triple century in Indian military base of Kandahar. Rahul Dravid says it is Don Bradman reincarnated.
Sharad Pawar becomes the president of Fifa. Introduces lie detectors to catch players cheating on their wives.
May
Sreesanth scores a triple century. http://www.senore.com/Cricket/Rahul-c83321 Dravid says, he is the next Garry Sobers.
Australia announces on the spot citizenship for all cricketers hailing from http://www.senore.com/Cricket/Pakistan-c755. Usman Khwaja becomes captain of the Australian team. Michael Clarke is shot down. Ricky Ponting scores a 10.
Shoaib Akhtar breaks the record for bowling the slowest delivery on earth. Thus he becomes the first bowler to bowl the fastest and the slowest delivery in the world.
June
http://www.senore.com/Cricket/Ijaz-Butt-c64128 is announced the captain of the Pakistan side. The rest of the players will all be Akmals. We have requested for more brothers and the short fall will soon be covered. At present, we have 7 Akmal brothers playing for the team. Each brother is better
looking than the previous. By this rate, we will have the 8th brother look like Natalie Portman.
Hashim of Amla scores another Hundred. Signed beard samples are being sold at the Southeby’s auction. Beard is the new fashion in http://www.senore.com/Cricket/South-Africa-c757. Graeme Smith grows a beard to improve his batting.
July
News of the World shows clips of bookie Shahzad Hameed eating Pringles. He says, “I will give these Pringles to the Bangladeshi bowlers who will scratch their head during the third ball of the fourth over.” Scratch fixing, takes the English media by storm.
Giles Clarke gets punked by Lalit Modi as he announces a 500 billion dollar cricket tournament. Lands on a helicopter in Lords, leaves http://www.senore.com/Cricket/Clarke-c51120 with fake currency bills. Lalit Modi is currently sitting in Guantanamo Bay for his alleged links with the Taliban
and Giles Clarke.
(to be continued...)
(The writer is a sports fanatic who transforms into Mitchell Johnson's ex-girlfriend at night. Something like WG Grace with a nose ring)
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