New bf - 3 months. His mother died after a long illness. Should I go to the funeral?

Question

I would have to take time off work. My boss is being kind of sh*tty about it since I haven't known the guy that long. I don't know if it is the right thing to do - going to the funeral. I only met his mother once. Do I ask my new guy if I should attend? What about the "reception" after the funeral? Skip that or take more time off to go to their home? Is there a guide book for this kind of stuff?

Answer 1

Ask your boyfriend.  Although she endured a lengthy illness and her death was inevitable, the loss is still deeply felt.  He may want to shield you from his grief and spend time with his family ... and he may want you to be there for a shoulder to cry on.  Before making any more plans, it would be best to talk with him and find out his wishes.

Answer 2

If you do not want to ask him and he doesn't bring it up first then send flowers to the funeral to show your respect and sympathy.  This will show him that you care and would be a nice gesture for him and his family in dedication to his mom.  I agree with you it is for sure hard to know what to do in these circumstances.  Try to put yourself in his shoes and seriously think about what you would want him to do in the same situation.  Sometimes your best bet is to go with your gut.  Every situation is different and every relationship is different.  Trust and follow your instincts on this one.

Answer 3

I would ask your boyfriend.  Really, its not about is it proper or not, but does he want you there.  If he says no, then he doesn't want you there.  You can tell him you wouldn't mind going, but if he still says no, then don't push it.  Really, its all up to him since its his mother and you haven't known him for years and only met her once.  He and his family may be welcoming and want you to share in her life and grief, or they may just want to keep it in the family.

Answer 4

Very simple - you've only been dating 3 months.  Go to the wake.  There is usually a viewing at night.  (No time from work).  Then, see if he asks you to go the funeral and the repasse.  (Not reception)  If he doesn't mention it, then ask him if he wants you there or would he rather have the time with his family.  This shows you care without being a pain in the butt.  As for work, it's none of their business how long you've been dating him....you take what you need and they will have to deal with it.

Answer 5

if he asks u then yea.

or if he doesnt even mention it u could ask if he wants u to go and dont pressure him to say yes or no

Answer 6

Yes, show your support.  I can't think of many situations where someone is unwelcome at a funeral.

Answer 7

it all depends on how your boyfriend is taking it, if he is hit by it hard then deffinatly but if he had got to the accepting it stage as it was long term illness then ask him, as long as you make it clear how willing you'd be to support him then you might not have to be there. it really depends tho on what your bf feels but dont make the mistake of just listenin coz he mite say thats fine but really he'd want u there the most.

Answer 8

I would ask him what he prefers, its kind of hard to say because it depends on how close you two have gotten in the time you have been together.

Answer 9

Depends on how serious you are with this guy. Do you see things going down the road with him? Or is he just a good friend? Did he ask you to come with him?

A lot of it depends on what he feels comfortable with. Just go with the flow.

Answer 10

I think it would be a nice gesture to go, it would give him some emotional support and I am sure he'd appreciate it.

Answer 11

Express your sorrow for his loss and ask him if what you can do for him and if he wants you to go. Some people like to morn with someone, some like to morn alone for their emotions not to be seen. Leave it up to him.

Answer 12

I would say yes, definitely. But you should make sure it's okay with him.  However, you should stay out of his way and let him come to you while at the funeral. Just having you there will probably be nice for him, but let him do what he needs to do.

Answer 13

When in doubt about attending a funeral, always err on the side of support - go, go, go!

Even if you don't sit with him, or cannot stay for the reception after, just seeing you there will show that you care about him. I think especially since it is his mother. If you end up being with this guy for a long time, it would be nice to know you were there for him at this extremely difficult time. (Don't worry about the fact that you didn't know her well - the funeral is for the living - a time for them to mourn and receive a bit of closure.)

If, however, you simply cannot get time off for the funeral, try to go to the visitation the night before (I am assuming they are having one).