New ideas for children participation in the wedding ceremony?

Question

I feel really stupid asking this question, but I'm finally at a loss. I've even been talking to some of my colleagues but to no avail; they haven't come up with anything new, either.

So I'm asking for your help.

I am performing a ceremony for a couple that wants to include her daughter (9). The daughter is going to be the flower girl & she might hold the rings but they want to do something else. Only I don't know what that something else should be.

They don't want to present the daughter with a gift (ring/bracelet/necklace). They don't want to do a family unity candle, nor do they want to do a family sand ceremony or a rose presentation. Step dad doesn't want to repeat a vow to her.

They don't want her to do a reading, escort her mother or jump the broom as a family. She doesn't sing or play an instrument, either.

I did think that maybe we could do a symbolic certificate signing like the license or the Jewish Ketubah but it's outside & I won't know the set up until I get to the wedding. They have opted to not have a rehearsal. This is my last idea I have to present to the couple.

Any ideas?

Answer 1

What if the girl read the scripture in Galatians about what love is or read a poem on love?  I think that would be sweet.

Answer 2

Ideas:

(1) hold her mother's bouquet during the ceremony

(2) carry a family Bible to the minister for the ceremony

(3) when she arrives at the front of the church, the groom steps down to meet her and together they present the mothers each with a long stemmed flower. The groom walks her to the maid of honor, and returns to his place

Sorry, but that's all I can think of.  

Answer 3

Wow....talk about stubborn!!

You have given them the list of the "usuals" and they have poo-pood all of them.  There really is nothing else left to do!

The only nice thing I can think of is a "family wedding vow" but you said the stepdad-to-be doesn't want that.  There is the family medallion ceremony too, but it doesn't sound like they want any part of that.

I like your last suggestion (the certificate signing).  IF they don't want that either, then

I would rest your case.  There is nothing else she can do except be the flower girl.

I would STRONGLY suggest a rehearsal.  How is a 9 year-old going to know what to do unless there is a rehearsal?  

Seems like you are exhausting all the effort on their behalf, so if they don't like the last idea, then I would not waste any more of your time trying to come up with something unique.

Good luck and I think it was very nice of your to try to help.

Answer 4

My daughter is becoming a part of our ceremony in a few ways that might help.  She will also be our flower girl and have the opportunity to present the rings if she feels like it. (the best man and mate-of-honour will hold the rings just in case they have to step in instead.)

When the bride is "given away" rather than saying "who gives this woman to this man etc" our celebrant is asking for family blessings "Do you bring your families blessing to this union? <we do> Will you offer support and understanding to Bride and groom throughout their marriage? <we will>"  This is asked first of the Brides parents/family (by name eg Jane and John do you bring....) then the grooms parents/family and finally to my daughter "most importantly Julie, is it ok for me to marry mummy and x today?

During the introduction our celebrant will ad something personal about how FH and i met and also include how FH and my daughter met as an introduction to our little bunch rather than just the couple to be married. We know who we are but the opposite side of the family who we may not see too often might appreciate a little history.

Vows and ring ceremony is between Bride and Groom only.

After the paperwork is completed instead of introducing the new couple for congratulation we are being introduced as the newest 'smith' family - Bride, Groom and flowergirl (by name of course)

It's more of a being mentioned thing for us rather than a doing anything inparticular.  My daughter will be 6 at the time of the wedding and will either stand with her Aunty (bridesmaid) or take a seat with her Nanna.  Either option for us will be fine.  As far as we are concerned as long as she is mentioned where appropriate and given the opportunity to sprinkle petals it's a celebration for the three of us and not just two.

Answer 5

These people are horrible. They are not easy to work with, maybe you could convince them to include her more into the reception. A mother daughter dance. She can be included into cutting the cake by holding the plate they eat off of. She can give a toast without alcohol obviously. She could greet people at the door of the church before the ceremony. She is only nine years old and she will only be willing to do so much. If there is a child involved in the ceremony you should really stress that she needs the rehearsal. Children need to go through the motions of her responsibilities before it is expected of her. Good luck

Answer 6

Can the daughter give her mother away?

Can the daughter recite a poem?

Those are my only ideas.  It seems kind of odd to me for them to want her to participate in some more significant way, yet have no suggestions as to what but veto all you have suggested.

I wish you the best.

Answer 7

Could she be a greeter or an usher? Or guest book person (that would be a greeter wouldn't it, I don't know) She could pass out programs or favors. Or if they're doing a rice throw and have packed them in those little bags, she could pass those out.  

That and all the things you came up with is pretty much all there is.  

Answer 8

At the end of the service she could lead a presentation ceremony of the new couple/new family. Sort of how they present Mr. and Mrs. so and so to the audience at the end of weddings.