New mom seeking parenting advice.

Question

I'm wondering if any one out there with older children can tell me some things that they've done that they recommend or some things they wish they had done or something they wish they hadn't done while there children were starting to learn.

For example, I've decided not to give my daughter things that I know I'll have to take away later like my cell phone. At first it would have been harmless but I can just see her loosing it, calling people on accident, throwing the thing or slobbering on in so much that that little white sticker near the battery will turn red.

I know there is a wealth of knowledge out there. I'd just like to tap into it.

Answer 1

I had 4 kids and if I could do anything over I'd get a backbone and homeschool all my kids and put them all in the 4-H program.  I'd be a better person and so would they.  My 4th child is when I got smart.  She is a great person  

Answer 2

I told a friend of mine " just try to imagine this is the very first time you have ever seen any of this stuff, all you want to do is feel it, taste it, and it's every where" that is what we are up against with these little ones. What I always did was take a few minutes to sit with my child and let him explore the item that has caught his eye and then I put it up out of his reach. They catch on quickly what items seem most important to us and these items become important to them so in this case buy them thier own (such as a toy cell phone) Be very careful what you choose to pacify them with, preferably not with your stuff

Answer 3

My cell phone ended up in pool foot bath. When you get a new one, save the old one, with the charger (so you can charge it and the lights go on and it still makes sound even though it doesn't make calls.

My keys were lost forever.  Make a key ring of old keys that you may have lying around the house.

Fact is that anything you have, they want, and you will only learn from your mistakes.

Answer 4

Great idea with the cell phone. I see so many parents give their real phones to the kids and then the kid gets in trouble when they won't give it back. Duh, don't give it to them in the first place- it sends a conflicting message. Buy them the Parents brand phone in black- looks like mom and dad's (sorta) and is made for baby.

No matter what you do you have to keep thinking like you are already. Successful parenting is based largely on consistency. Consistency of discipline, consistency of love, etc.

I find that another thing I see parents do that gets them into trouble is offering their kids too many choices. Kids do need to make choices and need to feel that their are important in decision making for SOME things. However when you do it, set parameters...when you are offering what's for lunch don't say, "What do you want for lunch?" unless you plan on becoming a short order cook with multiple kids. Instead say, "Do you want PB&J or turkey sandwiches for lunch today?" It's called an 'Either Or' option and it allows them the ability to feel in control but really you are as you gave them a limited set to choose from in the first place.

As parents we will all make mistakes and learn what does and does not work with our kids (and honestly- each kid, even if they are from the same womb, is totally different). The one thing that I feel that I'm constantly doing is the "If, then" game in my head...I have to decide 'If I let X happen, what will happen..." that is...instead of impulsively giviing into demands as moms we constantly have to be one step ahead (i.e. my daughter asks for fruit snacks at 4 PM, instead of giving in because I don't want to hear her whine about it, I need to realize that when we eat dinner an hour later she won't be hungry and that's my fault because I gave in and allowed her to ruin her dinner). I see lots of parents who just don't want to deal with the whining so they cave and give in to whatever their kid wants. This sets a precedent for the child and they know in the future if they whine, then they will get what they want (and kids learn this at a VERY early age).

Another example of setting consistent guidelines (and I'm sorry so much of this revolves around food...)...my girls know that when we're at the pool I expect them to eat lunch (healthy stuff...sandwiches, fruit, pretzels, etc.) before they can have snackie-junk (animal crackers, fruit snacks, etc.). It's a ground rule I laid from Day One of the pool being opened. So even though they see their friends eating junk food instead of a meal, they know my expectation. The first week they whined incessantly and it SUCKED to listen to it but I'm glad I stuck to my guns as they know better than to ask for it now.

Hope that wasn't too much rambling. I think this is a great question and look forward to reading the other responses as well!

Best of luck to you!

Answer 5

If I can change things when my kids were younger is.. I would definately not spoil them, I use to give them everything.. and you want to do that because you feel a bit of guilt. But if you let them know that no means no and if they cry put them in there room or take away something.. as they get older they will respect you much better. They will know that they can not get away wit anything.. Be stern and strong.. otherwise, they will run all over you .. TRUST me I have a 23 year old son that is now in ARMY and my 17 year daughter is spoiled rotten and it is all my fault... that is all she knows.. I needed to nip in the bud years ago.. BE STRONG!! and Good Luck.. I am not saying don't buy them things.. but let him/her know that money does not grow on trees and that the credit cards are not FREE! lol.

Answer 6

You've already thought of something I wish I had. I cannot tell you the times I let one of my kids have something that I should have known better. Still, live and learn. One of the things I've learned is that children are horribly clumsy and will hurt you. They don't mean to step on your feet, half kill you with their elbows,etc. but they do. You'd be surprised how much patience it takes not to get angry the third (or thirtieth) time you get an injury.