EFFECTIVE AUGUST 1, 2008
> >
> >NEW OFFICE POLICY
> >
> >Dress Code:
> >
> >1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
> >
> >2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will
> >assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
> >
> >3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so
> >that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
> >
> >4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and
> >therefore you do not need a raise.
> >
> >
> >
> >Sick Days:
> >We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you
> >are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
> >
> >Personal Days:
> >Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called
> >Saturdays & Sundays.
> >
> >Bereavement Leave:
> >This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead
> >friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have
> >non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases
> >where
> >employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
> >late
> >afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour
> >and
> >subsequently leave one hour early.
> >
> >Bathroom Breaks: (I love this one!!! For all those cell phone abusers)
> >(Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a
> >strict
> >three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an
> >alarm
> >will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open,
> >and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will
> >be
> >posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders'
> >category.
> >Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's
> >mental health policy.
> >
> >Lunch Break:
> >* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so
> >that
> >they can look healthy.
> >
> >* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
> >maintain their average figure.
> >
> >* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
> >needed
> >to drink a Slim-Fast.
> >
> >
> >Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a
> >positive
> >employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns,
> >complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations,
> >allegations,
> >accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed
> >elsewhere.
> >
> >
> >The Management
> >
Tags: