New poem-Thoughts of piece?

Question

The river

There was once a river I knew

Glinting light danced in its gaze

A place where I rested my feet

Smooth like the strands of a babe

Drifting like wood on its current

As storm clouds shadowed the day

My reflection a welcome occurrence

Bleeding cobalt splashing in grey

Storms often punished the surface

Others waded into its shores

Dredging the muddling sediment

It wasn’t the same anymore

Waters grew shallow from prospect

Paths became uneasy to tread

Fitting days of a deep blue oasis

Replaced by a vacuous riverbed

There once was a river I knew

Callous stone left me to bleed

All that is left is a void

Sadness is all that I see

Answer 1

I wish I had saved the lengthy response I wrote a couple of days ago when I first saw this poem because it was so detailed.  Anyhow, this is a lovely poem rich in imagery and emotion. Originally I would have accepted this poem at face value and assumed that you were just talking about a beautiful spot from your memories that you enjoyed in your youth, but is now old and dried up simply because your metaphor is so complete.  However, in your earlier post, you asked what the river might represent and after reading it again I feel that the river metaphor may represent love or a lover that has changed and dried up due to life's circumstances.  I don't know if I've interpreted it correctly, but I do know that this is a very nice poem.  I only have one thing that I can't wrap my brain around.  I don't understand the simile "Smooth like the strands of a babe."   Other than that I'd say this is a successful poem.

Well done.

Answer 2

Very sad, it went from very good to dried up.  Made me go from wow to almost tears.  You have an excellent choice of words!  Mike P

Answer 3

Wow, it's wonderful!  If you once asked what the river represented, I can answer what it did for ME....one's SPIRIT, taking the joy and innocence of a child who has not yet been emotionally trampled upon through their abusive journey, ending with the damage done to that once vibrant spirit....leaving a void.  Whether this is your intent or not, the reader is left to put their own reaction and personal experience into it, which is the true gift of this poem. Again, for me, it is as though you have walked along side in my journey and now I don't feel as alone.

Thank you!  

ma

Answer 4

River I knew:  love

glinting light: smile, eyes

rested feet: cuddled

That is how the first would be interpreted to me as I read, then the general falling apart and love drying up at the end.  Well said, my compliments.

Answer 5

Lovely lovely meditative words in the first verse. "Smooth like the strands of a babe" is a very interesting phrase (had me thinking about "smooth as baby's bottom" the only other smooth phrase I have ever heard in ref to babies) then  it transforms into a dry painful place.

I like how it progresses. The last verse is suitably lacking water.

Life gets like that. Well done.

Answer 6

My strands are not babe-smooth anymore...

Answer 7

It's a lovely poem, and though it expresses a different viewpoint and has a different ending it reminds me a bit of this song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o5PKULgld...

"I was a willow last night in a dream

I bent down over a clear running stream..."

In your dream, the bed is dry -no water runs there any more. It is a time gone by that you yearn for but one which will never be again. It retains the outline of the beauty that was -yet this outline only points out what is no longer, and therefore only serves to make you melancholy.

Answer 8

Very captivating and descriptive

My favorite part is the following! A past memory surfaced when reading this verse!

Drifting like wood on its current

As storm clouds shadowed the day

My reflection a welcome occurrence

Bleeding cobalt splashing in grey

Beautiful poetry! Cheers!