New poem???

Question

i know i'm writing all these poems..but i'm in the mood. i'm 11 and just wrote this. :]

Enjoy life’s pleasures.

The smallest, simplest things can mean a lot.

Look around you at the green grass, blue sky, fresh air, and the happy, smiling people.

Enjoy the rain I believe it’s the most beautiful thing.

Thank God every single day for the gift of earth, living, love happiness, and every single moment.

Answer 1

i have to agree with the first answerer. you sound fake. its just, like you don't have much experience. when i write to inspire people, i use real situations, i dont just throw together "happy things" and tell people to enjoy them.

Do you understand what im saying? I know what you're trying to say, but, to me, its just fake.

Answer 2

I dont mean to be rude, but it is not good, it is to concise, flowed incorrectly and not balanced in timing and meaning, hard to follow and read, sorry but not a great poem.

Answer 3

It has a refreshing sentiment that is lost on too(Kissaled-not "to")many people. No one should expect you to be Elizabeth Barret Browning at 11. Keep writing.

Answer 4

i appreciate the thought that you have expressed but it should have a more organized lines.

Answer 5

Its still speaks like a greeting card--step outside the pretty box every now and then

Answer 6

to be honest it looks like youve ollected a bunch of poems about life and posted em.

heres my poem. quite Political

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...