New poem. " A world of darkness and Lost Dreams"?

Question

As i turn around, I look back into my memories, So many mistakes i've made, But now i have regrets for them, I was consumed by your lies and Hate, But do you really love me? Somewhere in my heart i have feelings for you. But the kindness in my heart has slowly passed away. I can see the clouds coming in. The thunder hits so hard, I close my eyes, as each rain drop hits me, It just makes me feel ready for whats coming,

Each step that i take, It makes me feel weak. But i know i have to keep going, Nothing can hold me back, except those lost memories and dreams surrounding me, and haunting me. So many endless dreams, but none of them ever did come true, But my nightmares are all growing inside of me, with all my fears coming to life. My hopes and your trust both decieved me, believing to just keep on going with you. But now i have some hope. and show you what i mean, i dont need your love. i could just keep on going by myself. you never got it right, but now you could see, i'm stronger.

Answer 1

you did that in 5 minutes?! it doesnt even show that is really good

Answer 2

i like it

it sounds like it could be some good lyrics to a song

Answer 3

its AWESOME!

Answer 4

its ok

Answer 5

why's everything so lame and depressing... that's soooo 2 years ago........

get over it, bub...

other than that - you're a good poet

Answer 6

I teach English Lit part time.  It's a very good start.  I always feel when I give advice I may discourage people.  I don't want to do that because this poem definitely has potential.  

Blank verse is tough to write, but without metre it just doesn't work.  Poetry is meant to be heard and listened to.  You as the author, when you read your poems, you want to put emphasis on certain words when you say them.

I call these words the string of pearls throughout the poem.  And the cardinal sin of poetry is making your audience work to pick up on what you are saying.  

  

Those pearl words are usually the last in the line and therefore they are emphasized by a brief silence after the word is spoken.  

Or they are placed so they are on the strong beat of the metre.  But the important thing is you want to fit certain words togethor in such a way that your audience will automatically key in on them.  

Most good poems start out as you have done.  It's fresh in the writer's mind and he or she wants to get it down on paper as quickly as possible before they lose what they are feeling. They have taken the first step and have managed to express that feeling or insight through the written word.  Getting that written word into spoken word is the art of poetry.

If you wish to learn how to write good blank verse metre, there is no one better than the master, William Shakespeare.  I encourage my students not to read Shakespeare,  but to constantly read  Shakespeare aloud to themselves so they can feel the beat and the flow.  

For example read aloud "The quality of mercy is not strained" during the the trial scene in "The Merchant of Venice." (note despite Portia's speech about mercy, in her very next breath she show absolutely no mercy to Shylock, making MoV one of the problem plays, is Shakespeare anti-Semtic or is he showing the hypocrisy of the Christians in the play?  It's hard to tell).  Also the final scene takes place essentially after the play has ended.

But a good play that has excellent blank verse all the way through is "As You Like It."   "As You Like It" isn't one of Shakespeare's most popular plays because it is funny, but every one of the character's lines ring out.  The one exception is the hapless Orlando, who feels more emotion than anyone else, but his one fault "required to be a gentleman" is that he can not express them in courtley terms.

Jacques skewers Orlando's awful poems and  through Jacques Shakespeare is also making fun of love poems at the time.  But each character's speech in "As You Like It" rings out when it is read aloud by an experienced actor.  That's what you want your poem to do.

Reading Shakespeare aloud provides a good beginning in an era when poems are not read aloud anymore for entertainment, but mostly read silently as if they were prose. Most beginning poets make the same mistake.  When the Prof asks you to read it out loud to the class all of a sudden it loses its drama and feeling.

It's a good beginning but when writing a poem pretend that your audience can't read and the only way they are going to experience your poem is by having someone read it aloud to them.

Answer 7

i think its good ! im not the biggest  fan of the 2nd paragraph is not as good as the first one but its good!

Answer 8

I think its good

Answer 9

i love it