New step kids and wife?

Question

I got married 4 months ago she has 5 kids that all hate me I have tryed being nice to them and letting them do what they want but then my wife gets mad at me for that and the kids do whatever they want now when its just me around but I grew up in a stricked family and believe that kids should respect their parents so when I yell at them for doing something wrong they just say "your not my dad" so last night I was watching the Olympics and Taylor (11) wanted to stay up and watch them so my wife told me to make her be in bed in half an hour (11:30) well we both fell asleep watching it and she found out and now she is pissed off at me so all I want to know it how can I get these kids to like me but respest and listen to me and was I in the wrong for letting her stay up so late?

Answer 1

When my mum got with her now husband, i hated him, i was still convinced my mum and dad would get bak together even though it had been over 5 years since they split,

I did everything i could think of to drive him away (not on purpose, at the time i didnt know y i did it) i stole from him, ran away n eventually moved to live with my dad

but 10 nearly 11 years on, i now get it, i get that she had to have a life n move on, to make herself happy, she and my step-dad now have a soon to be 5 year old son, who i love n i get on well with my step-dad

I too used the line 'your not my dad', bu you just have to give them time to get used to you always being around n to accept that your there to stay, im 19 n i didnt get that till a couple of years ago, so it may take time but you will get there

Kids are a mystery, by the time you understand one of them, they will have changed their mind, so just be there for them, they will accept you sooner or later, and the respect will come then,

nothing you can do before that though, sorry

Answer 2

Well your problem sounds like a clash in parenting styles.  I am sure the kids won't like you until they are older.  They have probably seen there fare share of men come and go.  ( Just assuming)  Or they miss there dad/s.  I am not sure that I would ever get with someone that has that many kids so good for you for sticking it out.

Me and my sister have the same dad also.  But my mom dated alot!  I grew to not like any of them.  They tried to be controling after meeting them once or twice.  You are going to have to sit down with there mom and figure out a parenting plan.  I would be upset with you if you let my child stay up too when I told you to put them to bed.  But that is a minor thing and I would get over it in 5 min.  I think you would also benifit if you all had a "family meeting" to discuss the issues you are all having.

Answer 3

you and your wife are equal partners in the household. if i was you, i would continue on the route of staying on the kids regardless if they like it or not. you pay the bills. when they say "your not my dad" say, yes, thats true, but your in my house. and ask which punishment they would like (give them a few). i son't let my kids pick the punishment, but if you mention a few, they know what is coming. you need to dicsipline when you are there, and your wife needs to dicsipline when she is there. i personally don't think she should have told you what to do about the bedtime. you were the one in charge,at the moment, it should have stayed that way. it should have been your discretion when she went to bed, you were the one up with her. if she wanted a bedtime , she should have made her go then.

i have been married for 3 years, together 5 with a stepchild. my previous relationship, i had guardianship of 3 stepchildren (their mother wasn't around) you have to seperate the discipline. it becomes way too stressfull to try to please everyone (wife) when you are trying to control the kids. if she trusts you, then she shouldn't have to tell you how to direct the kids. i went through a really rough time with my second marriage. i didn't want to be left all the time in control of my hubbys child (like i was before) so i stepped back and just told his dad what bothered me, or what i wanted him to do. that doesn't work. the stepchild needs to see you in the same respect as their real parent. if i was you i would start now, and do not let up until a change is made. when the chaos dies down, then you can worry about the kids liking you. i might sound a little harsh, but i went through it for 8 long years, and i left it. and it ended up destroying my relationship. the worse thing you and your wife can do, is argur about discipline in front of the kids. (if you do something she doesn't like, vise-versa) then they will know if you tell them something they don't like, they can run to mommy and she will let you have it. it might take a couple of days/weeks but it will be worth it-they need to know they are in your house (even if you moved in with her, you are still the adult) now and they will respect you or have a hard time for not. good luck!!

Answer 4

your not their best friend, your a parent figure and you have to start acting like one for them to listen to you

when they see you can revoke privilegies as easily as their mom can the tune should change, dont yell...its not needed and its just hausing the situation up, be the adult, be calm and in control (even if you dont feel like it inside, the illusion that you are are more likely going to make them listen)

next time shut of the tv and say go to bed, if not that work just calmly say "i am not your, dad but I am your stepdad, your living under my roof, and have to follow the houserules regardless of your mom is home or not, if you dont belive so you can discuss that with her. But for now you are going to bed or I'll be discusing suitable privilege removals with your mom when she get home."

and if they dont, then follow through, do not turn on the tv, and when she come home, let her get them in bed and then discus a suitable removal of privilegies that the two of you can inform the kid of the day after togheter

"We discussed your bad attitude last nigth, and we have descided that you will not be allowed to watch tv the next week" (f.ex.)

make sure to the kids that you and her play on the same team and there is no geting away with anything, dont aprove something without asking her if you suspect she wouldnt agree, and same for her

this way you can stop them from playing the two of you out against eachother to get their will

but yeah trust me from experience its nothing poorly controled humans can deal less with then someone who stay in control and they cant tip out of by working them up, so even if you feel worked up dont display it, be patient and in control, dont loose it, it will drive them nuts, and psychologicaly body language wise it will be no question who are in control or not...when they shout and scream at you guess what they want you to shout back at them, then they can justify how horible you are for shouting at them...dont buy into it

i seen it work both in real life, i love seeing it on the nanny shows, and i use it when i moderate in a community i am member of.

be calm, asertive, show control and be consistant...then clench your teeth and out patience them...they will fold, it will take longer the first few times, but as they see that noting can top you of the pin, they will start folding quicker and quicker each time (as its just no point, they wont get anywhere)

Answer 5

This is from my own experience. I went thru step-dads like no other and I saw my mom get her heart broken by so many. They may just be thinking ok this guy won't last none of the other (boyfriends) did. It took awhile for my little brother to actually consider my (now) dad as an actual dad. My step brothers never liked my mom because they wanted their dad and mom to get back together, maybe they do miss their dad, and the mom might be telling you only what she thinks. A lot of single parents do that, I could be wrong though. The only thing I can tell you about getting the kids to recognize you as an authority figure is put your foot down if they are doing something wrong make sure they know it, but when they do something you like make sure they know that too. They will like and respect you in time. Don't worry. And Good Luck!

Answer 6

group orgy works