New tax please help?

Question

As Lord of the Manor I own all of the land and surrounding countryside that the local village is build on, and as such I may tax the common folk accordingly…now it is a common known fact that common folk smell and are stupid and as such would it be unfair if I introduced the “Smelly Tax” the way it would work is that for each common idiot that smells they would pay me £100 that way it would be an incentive to wash, I have just raised the water tax to £30 a gallon, after all one has to make money and water is not free any more ?

Can any one advise on how else I could tax the ruffians?

Answer 1

Tax his tax and when he has hanged himself in desperation, s***w his family for more tax and when they pay that tax, tax that tax. It is just like perpetual motion, I recon that on £100 per month salary you could s***w him for at least £320 per month. Its a hard life being poor, still, alas, we all have to make sacrifices, I will have to make the Bentley last another year, it is already 1 year old.

Answer 2

Jolly good idea old boy, well get those guttersnipes clean no matter how much it costs them. As an added jape how about handing out bars of soap with razor blades hidden inside, should prove to be a wheeze. Tip top.

Answer 3

It may be advisable to put a tax on poverty.  The more you collect, the more they'll owe you.

Answer 4

An existence tax.  Money must be paid for the privilege of occupying space.  The more space one takes up the more one pays.  This will encourage the burger eating chubbies to slim down.  You'll be doing them a favour.

Answer 5

if you tax water,don't forget to tax sewage...

Answer 6

Gordon Brown is planning on introducing Oxygen tax next year

Answer 7

what about those that wear cheap perfume/aftershave?

Answer 8

My dear Lord Faversham,

SCAM, SCAM SCAM is what you need. You may borrow my current scam.

I send out "Congratulations You've Won" mail to old biddys and the prize is Australia. All they have to do is send £500 for the registration of the land - it works a dream.

Now, you can borrow this scam and then TAX the urchins  on every piece of mail they receive. This way, you'll get the money off the scam - AND the tax off the receiving of mail - 'double whammy' as it is known.