New young mom needs help?

Question

I'm 20 years old, and just recently found out I was pregnant. I'm guessing about 8 weeks along....I'm having a difficult time deciding which route to take, and kind of need advice and reassurance.

I'm still attending college, and my boyfriend is in the marines...he'll be sent to Iraq in the upcoming year. Obviously raising a child is a HUGE responsibility, and I'm not sure if I'm ready to give up MY life, to start "our" life. I'm worried about bringing a child into the world, and not being able to give it everything it deserves. My boyfriend says he'll support whatever decision I choose, he just wants me to make the right one for me.

I know there's other people that have had similiar situations, and it'd really help to hear them. Whether to continue the pregnancy...how it affected them, and what they had to give up...or terminating, and how they feel living with that decision. I'm just worried about making the wrong choice, and don't want to regret it for the rest of my life.

Answer 1

i think deep down, you know the answer that is right for you but it  is being clouded and confused by your insecurities.

the thoughts and worries you are having are completely normal and a sign of a healthy mind.

i fell preg with my son at 20, one month after moving to a new town and starting a new relationship. so i was freaked. even though i knew me and my bf were meant to be (baby or no baby) i was still scared. i was also in the middle of studying my nursing degree. i worried about all  the things you do. i decided to keep the baby and i now have a gorgeous 5 year old boy.

it was hard at times. i took longer to finish uni, but i still did it. i didn't party as hard as i used too, but i still got to have fun. your life does not stop just because you have a child. i hate it when people say that you need to adapt your life to the baby. it is the baby that is going to be coming into your life, and they will adapt to yours.

the love of a child is a truly beautiful thing to behold. it is completely unconditional and a priviledge to have.

if you are not ready now, you will be when they are born.

sorry but i must also comment on the number of people that are all for adoption, i just find it weird. i agree with it and all but do they truly believe it is as easy as simply handing over a baby, after carrying it in your body for 9 months? it is not as simple as that and i bet most people don't go through with it.

anyway good luck, no matter what you choose.

Answer 2

My mom had a onenight stand and decided to keep me. she has had many abortions in her life and she regrets them all.

she had me at 25 never in college, and just did beauty school. She tells me everyday she never regrets keeping me. Of course she had my grandparents help because that's the only parents she had. but it's a big responcibilty of course!

Your'e bringing a child into the world. You have to be ready. You made the decision to do the act and this is the effect of it. I would suggest as it being a pain in the @$$ stay in college. Do what you want to do in life. It's just going to be harder, but you can do it!

If you keep the child, you wont regret it. You'll regret giving your child away more than trying your hardest to make your childs life better than yours was.

Answer 3

If your not ready for this child, adopt the baby to a loving couple. there are so many loving couples who cant have kids. It is the best thing to do. could you actually live with killing your baby? Knowing the babies heart is beating? and you killed him or her?

I know its hard. I was 16 when I had my daughter. I dropped out to finish school in a school for young mothers. I had 2 jobs and never collected welfare or supprt from the father who didnt want to be there.

I made it. Infact your college might have a daycare right there on campus for those whos taking child, at very low costs. If its a communtiy college. I think even if they didnt paying daycare is better than abortion......

I wish you the best, and remember, adoption...

Answer 4

Hey hun firstly dont panic, i am/was a young mum i have 2 kids now but had 1st younger than u, i am not going to say it was easy at all because it is hard for every1 and especially hard when u havent lived life yet. I had to work hard to get where i am now and have trained to be a nurse nd midwife luckily i went to a uni with childcare facilities and also did alot of work at home, ur life doesnt have 2 sop from having kids it just goes on hold/has different outcomes. How does ur partner feel?

If u definately dont want this child then a termination can be organised by ur dr if they think u r mental/emotionally stable to handle it

Either that or adoption as there r alot of families who cant have children naturally

have u thought about goin 2 family planning?

hope this helps

xx

Answer 5

It's always going to be a massive decision to take, as you're aware when things happen "naturally" or unplanned. I faced a similar situation with my first daughter, pregnant at 21. I had just finished my University course at the time which helped me along with thinking I could have a year out with my newborn before starting work [as a teacher]. Of course, It was hard watching my friends at a similar age having the time of their lives and just entering the competitive world of work while I was suffering from morning sickness and in bed as much as they were out clubbing! ....I kept my focus, that I was going to "do this" no matter what. It's all about changing priorities when you're a Mum, no matter if you are starting a family older or younger. You might find money a little tighter than before - think ebay or yard sales to find your baby bits and bobs. Usually you'll be able to find a friend or neighbour willing to donate a few bits and bobs too, which helps. While I was out of work I was lucky enough to have my partner support me financially, but you can cope whatever your situation if your heart is in it enough. At the end of the day, the joy that little baby is going to bring in 9 months time far outweighs any "sacrifices" you might have to make.

I think for me, the hardest part was getting back to work - but your situation seems to be slightly different to how mine was. There is always support available in the form of college deadline allowances for coursework and even monetial help, if needed. You can do this! You will be surprised at how you "cope" through any little struggles you might be anticipating now, but the support of your boyfriend will help immensely, also family support will be something you'll appreciate so much.

Good luck with whatever you decide - its all down to you and how you feel, others can only offer support and advice. Try to picture and map out briefly your life over the next 5 years and see how baby will fit into your plans. If you feel it's going to be something that just won't work - you know you have options. I would still strongly urge you to press on with this pregnancy. You seem like you have a very mature head on your shoulders - something that all new Mommies need to have to be good at what they do. There is usually going to be some sort of "regret" or "look-back" on decisions made regarding abortion - one of the reasons I held onto my baby daughter and by golly, I'm so glad I have :] She's my angel and everytime I look at her I'm reminded at how that decision I made three years ago was something that just feels as though it was "meant to be". Again - good luck!

Answer 6

Well I'm almost 20 and I'm pregnant with my second. (Yes, we used protection but what can I say I guess I'm really fertile) anyways when I was 17 I did have an abortion. It is absolutely heartbreaking. It doesn't hurt but it's something I can never get over. Do I regret it?...No. Although it was heartbreaking and my family hates me now, I know in my heart it was the right decision for everyone including my unborn child. People may say that's stupid but I really believe that every child that is meant to be born will be. That baby went to someone who was ready. I had my son 3 days after I turned 19. I knew that I was meant to have him. It's very hard, but I wouldn't trade my experience as a mother for the world. It's really not as expensive to have a baby as some people make it out to be. My son is 8 months old and I spend about $100 a month on diapers and clothes. I don't know if you believe in God, but he will never give you more than you can handle. Others will urge you to give your child up for adoption, some people can do that. I couldn't imagine carrying my child for 9 months, bonding with him/her and then immediately giving the child away. So my advice to you is do what's in your heart. It's a difficult decision, there is no easy way out. No matter what you choose your life will change forever. Good luck, I hope you find the answer you're looking for.

Answer 7

It would be very selfish of you to have an abortion so that you can continue YOUR life.  It is a huge responsibility, but abortion isn't a form of birth control.  Think of how you would feel around the time the baby should be born, instead of seeing it's sweet little face, you would know that you destroyed it's life.  Think about the father.  Suppose something happens and he never comes home.  You would have destroyed the only part of him that is left.  When you have s*x, you should be ready for whatever happens.  If you aren't responsible enough to raise a child, then you shouldn't have s*x.  You don't have to stop going to college.  But if you absolutely don't want to raise a child, consider adoption.  There are so many women out there who would LOVE to be in your situation and just can't.  Abortion doesn't just destroy the baby's life, it will destroy yours too.  Emotionally, and sometimes physically.  It is possible to get and infection and/or scar tissue that could make it hard or impossible to have another baby later on.  Trust me, abortion you will regret for the rest of your life...and beyond.

Answer 8

Honestly, I would at least have the child and give it up for adoption, It gives you longer to decide and you never have to live with the thought that  you killed the child you could of had.