Newborn baby...if i ask for child support wil the dad automatically get visitation rights if he's fit?

Question

My baby will soon be two months in a few weeks. she is a doll!! My boyfriend and I do not live together. Im a nurse and he is an engineer. I cut down my hours to 32 hours a week when i was 7 months prego and will continue work only 32 until the baby is a little older. He works fulltime and has never offered to give me any kind of financial assistance. Im currently on maternity leave until this october and have limited funds bc i work in the states. My bf is very frugile and cheap, never offers money. However, now that she is born, he does buy things if i need them for the baby. I dont need much b/c i had bought everything used before she was born. We both paid for 1/2. He buys me things like diapers, formula (im also breastfeeding), and small items. I have asked him for some money in this past month and he has given me a $60.00 and another time $80.00. Its very degrading to have to ask for money and sometimes what he gives me is a joke!! He makes over $100,000.00 a year and has no kids, has a nice house, etc. Okay...this is my question. We no longer get along and I no longer want to have a relationship with him. He also feels the same way. If i ask for child support, im afraid that the court will give him visitation rights and i wont be able to see my little baby for a few days. I know i will get full custody but she is so young and it kills me to know that i may not see her for a few days. Will he still get visitation rights if she is an infant? eg. like every other weekend type thing? because of this, im going to hold off on filing for child support until she is older. What should i do? Has anyone been in this situation? My bf loves his daughter and im 80% sure he will go to a lawyer anyway to get visitation rights. She is just so little and i cant bear the thought of not seeing her for a few days. I need advice!!

Answer 1

First off, he does have children, he has a daughter with you (He makes over $100,000.00 a year and has no kids, has a nice house, etc).  You should get a lawyer and file for child support. Yes, he does have just as many rights towards the child as you do, he is half responsible for creating her.  You got yourself into this situation so suck it up and do the best for your child.  Just be grateful that he is gainfully employed and can afford child support for the kid, many women breed with deadbeats.

Answer 2

cant you just make a verbal agreement on visitation rights? I'm sure he's trying to do what he can for his daughter and it sounds like he'll do anything, try having a sit down conversation and agree to have him just take her out for the days until she gets older and doesnt need the breastmilk.  

Answer 3

has paternity been established with your boyfriend being the father of your daughter.  Unless he is established as the father of your child by a Parentage form or Paternity action he is not legally required to pay child support.  Once paternity is established you need to go to court and get a child support order. Also you cannot keep him legally from seeing his daughter if in fact it is his. Its not degrading to ask for money he has an obligation to pay child support and be a father to his daughter. He has the right to be with his daughter. My ex-girlfriend doesn't like the idea of me being alone with my daughter.  You really should go to court for visitation rights that way that neither of you can back out on your agreement.  

Answer 4

Child-support and visitations are two different things and he can go for visitations even if he doesn't pay support.  He will have to go to court and ask for visitations and yes he can get visits with an infant but the schedule is adjusted for it.  Eventually if he is fit to be around her then he would get atleast every other weekend and possibly one day during each week until she starts school.  With infants though they rarely allow overnight visits until they are atleast 6 months old and then it is usually one night a week.  Like i said though the courts can grant him visitations even if he never pays a dime in support.  

Answer 5

yuio will most likely be told "child support and family cort proceedings are two separate things" but yeah, if you get child support, if he wants to, he will have a case that he is supporting her, so he should get time with her.    i know how you feel, i have 2 and im pregnant and i need the money, but well.. no way will i give him more of a reason to take them even a little time.  a lot of places, most courts will give joint custody if at all possible and..no.  and ive been through this myself and with some friends kids in case someone says im lying, i was in the court, and have the papers, im not crazy or lying. its scary and :hugs: for you and your babe!

Answer 6

You need to get court ordered support payments.  They base it on a percentage of what he makes.  You just need to go to family court and file the papers

Answer 7

DUDE!

To tell you the truth I wasn't going to read this until I saw the six figure salary in the middle of the page! He has to pay for some of the baby.

Answer 8

You definitely should try to get some kind of support from him.  You shouldn't have to ask for things, even a man knows that babies are always needing things so he should just automatically help you.  If you do get child support, the only way he can make you let him see the baby is if he goes to court and all that, but I'm not sure how that would work out since you are breastfeeding, but I hope everything works out.  Good luck and congrats on your new baby.

Answer 9

I would ask for child support. Regardless of whether or not there is an order in place, he has visitation rights. No state will let you disallow him to see her if she is biologically his and is deemed to be fit for parenting. I would file now for child support as well, otherwise a judge may frown upon you asking for it so late in life and you'll get reemed in court. But again, if he asks to see her and you refuse, you can actually get in trouble for that. States are generally in favor of father involvement. I know it's hard when they are so young. One thing to consider though is that with his lack of being involved currently, he is not automatically going to get overnight visitation. At such a young age, they are not going to keep the baby from you for a very long period of time. You may however, have to let him see her 3 or 4 days out of the week for it to be deemed fair by the court system. Again, probably only for 3 or 4 hours. When she gets older, he can ask for an extension, which is probably a good thing because that means she is developing a relationship with her father. Don't worry, no overnights at this age and probably for a long while. Go for child support now before you get in trouble with the court system!

Answer 10

Well, if he's paying he's entitled to see his kid.  But the two don't necessarily go hand-in-hand.  He would have to initiate a separate action for visitation/custody.  But if he's paying support I can't see why he wouldn't want legal access to his child.  Unless he's just a d**k.

Answer 11

He will be given Visitation if he is paying child support

Answer 12

You should take him to court and get a child support order in place, and yes, he is entitled to visitation, which is as it should be.  He is her father.

Answer 13

1) Absolutely he will get visitation -as he should.

2) No it wouldn't be for weekends or overnights for a baby unless that's what both parents want

3) Nothing says that the visitations have to be without you

http://www.womansdivorce.com/child-custo...

Once child custody is determined, a visitation schedule can be worked out.  Remember that children respond best to a routine that they can rely on.  While the standard is every other week-end and alternating holidays, you need to take your child’s age and development into consideration. Here are some general suggestion for visitation:

    * Infants - a few hours every two to three days to build a bond with the parent who doesn't have physical custody. Over-night is usually too traumatic.

    * 1-year olds - One day a week.

    * 18 Months - One day plus a night.

    * 2 to 3 years - Two days plus a night

    * Elementary School age - Alternating week-ends, plus extended visits during school breaks

    * Teens - Same as above, but with more flexibility to accommodate their schedules.

http://life.familyeducation.com/divorce/...

Infancy to Two-and-a-Half Years

Infancy, psychologists agree, is a time for building an attachment to the primary caretaker. (Attachment to two primary caretakers, a mother and father, is increasingly common, too.) The infant's developmental task is to form trust in the environment. Long separations from the primary caretaker can result in symptoms of depression and regression and later may result in problems with separation and the ability to form relationships.

Toddlers are beginning to develop a sense of independence. They are becoming aware of themselves and begin to speak and walk. They can use symbols to comfort themselves, such as a picture of Mom or a toy she gave them.

Because the successful attainment of these developmental tasks lays the foundation for secure and healthy children, parents should design a schedule that fits a child's needs at this stage. The best schedule, say the experts, is short but frequent time with the noncustodial parent: short because infants and toddlers can't maintain the image of their primary caretaker for long and frequent to enable them to bond with the noncustodial parent. Most psychologists agree there should be no overnight visitation for very young children.

In cases where both parents share physical custody, frequent daily time with each parent is the ideal.

There are many innovative ways to share parenting responsibility at this stage. We know one couple who bought a second home in the wife's name following the divorce. Their child, a little girl, stayed on in the old house, now in the father's name. The parents shared custody by taking turns staying in the original family homestead. The “off-duty” parent lived in the new house. In short, the child had one stable home; instead, it was the parents who bore the brunt of constant change by moving back and forth. This model is known as “nesting” or “bird nesting” for the obvious reason that the young remain in the nest, as the parents come and go.

http://www.llli.org/NB/NBJanFeb96p4.html

How a Bond with the Father Can be Encouraged without Interfering with the Breastfeeding Relationship

Some people assume that if the breastfeeding relationship needs to be protected, and the primary bond with the mother is not to be disrupted, then the father's attachment must be of secondary importance. This is not true. Every child has a right to a loving, responsive bond with both parents. The father's bond with the child is just as important as the mother's. However, it should rarely, if ever, be necessary to interfere with the child's attachment to the mother in order for the father's relationship to be promoted and encouraged. In the ideal relationship, the bond with the father and siblings flows out of the strong bond with the mother. But in any case, the child should not be torn from one parent, or forced to choose. The child should feel that both parents will protect and encourage the other parent's relationship with the child, and both will help the child to feel safe.

There are many advantages to the parents, and their child, if they encourage their child to have a strong, healthy relationship with both of them. No father wants to come for his child and have him clutching his mother's legs screaming not to make him go! Both mother and father will benefit if their child gleefully leaps into his arms, so excited to see him and go off with him! But how can this be accomplished?

It makes it much easier if the parents can avoid or end the war between them. Parents must realize that although they cannot or will not live together, they have brought a precious human being into this world who has rights and needs. A child needs to have a mother and a father, not one or the other. These two parents will be raising this child together not just until age 18, but for the rest of their lives. Do they really want legal battles where total strangers (lawyers, judges, guardians, etc.) make decisions about when and where they will raise their child? There are alternatives.

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In forming visitation plans, there are several factors that should be looked at:

1. What separations has the child had from the mother? Look at how long the separations are, who the child is left with, and how often they take place. These make good guidelines for how long the father should have for visitation without disruption. For example, a six-month-old baby who has been separated from the mother for two hours at a time on several occasions but otherwise is glued to her could probably handle a two hour visit with his father several times a week. If a mother of a four-month-old leaves the baby on weekends with her mother, then there is no reason why the baby could not be with the father for weekends.

2. What style of parenting has the mother engaged in since birth? If the mother engages in an attachment style of parenting (nursing on demand, shared sleeping, etc.) then this relationship should be protected and encouraged. (If the mother keeps the baby in the crib at night in a separate room, and Grandmother takes care of the baby, giving a bottle during the night, the father can do this just as well.)

3. What involvement has the father had since birth? Look at the time the father spent with the children before separation, and since. The father needs to learn how to cope with this particular child, responding to needs and patterns that exist, i.e., naps, foods his child eats or is allergic to, bedtime routines. Working out these matters can be difficult for people who have decided that they cannot live together, but must work together now, maybe more closely than ever before, in order to do what is best for their child.

4. What visitation does the father want? Visitation plans usually can work up to what the father wants, if that is reasonable. If the father wants weekend visitation and is seeing his child for four hours on Saturdays, some time is going to be needed to work up to full weekends. A good place to start is with the visitation the father has now, or the length of separations the child has already experienced from the mother. Then one can look at what age the father's requested visitation would be acceptable. Many parents are surprised to learn that, in some jurisdictions that address visitation for preschool age children, the best they can hope for is overnight visits that begin at age two, weekends at age three, and week-long visits for the summer at age five or six. Once the starting and ending points are determined, visitation can be gradually increased every month or two, until the goal is reached. The more frequently the father can visit, the easier it will be to work up to lengthier visitations.

5. What visitation is feasible given the parties' individual situation? What work schedules must be worked around? How far apart do they live? If the parents live near to one another, there is no reason why visitation cannot occur frequently, if not every day. If they live far apart, or if they cannot get along well enough to have frequent contact, it will take much more work to determine what visitation is feasible.

It is important when devising a visitation plan, that the convenience to the parents does not take priority over what is best for the child. Too often the father is not willing to visit frequently, or the mother does not want to see the father that often. If the child's needs are to be a first priority, this attitude must be changed. And if someone other than the parents needs to fashion a visitation plan, that person should look realistically at what can be accomplished rather than what the parents may want to see happen. For instance, if the father works a few minutes away, could he see the child each day on his lunch break? For an hour or two after work?

Answer 14

It's his child as much as it is yours.  Me may feel the same way you do about not seeing her.  If he fights for it, let him see his daughter!!