Newest one is a little muddy, Any suggestions?

Question

http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.ListAll&friendID=305276425

Answer 1

If you had posted it in yahoo answers i could have made it alot better for you.

Answer 2

Hmmm.

The 'I think line' was a little head dropping.

I can completely relate to having that feeling of wanted solitude.

Good poem. Look it over with fresh eyes, and see for yourself what you want to change, for I think it is perfect (and I don't write this often) as it is.