Niece acts horribly-what should I do?

Question

My neice is four years old, and she acts horrible.

She throws fits when she can't go to pick someone up, hits me, freaks out when she doesn't get her way, is rude, and refuses to do anything I tell her to do.

Recintlyy, I told her she had three rules;

1) No hitting.

2) Pick up after yourself.

3) Do what your told.

and if she can not do this, than a toy will be taken away. She agreed.

I have taken quite a few away, and she earned her blocks back but then lost them after hitting me. She flipped out, then I told she could earn them back by picking up her mess in the living room. She started crying, then after telling her a few more times what to do she just marches to the kitchen and try to get a stool to get them back.

What am I doing wrong? Is it just that she sees me as a friend to much( I /am/ only eight years older than her.), or am I just teaching her wrong?

Answer 1

she is 4 and you are 12.  Where are her parents?  That is their job.

Answer 2

Well if you really want to do this then keep at it. I did that with my step-son and now he's great it takes dedication and consistancy. She probablly feels like shes abondoned, but she doesnt have the skills to verbalize that yet. Also find some quality time activities to do with her. That might show her you care and want to spend time with her. I have done some research on things to do with kids check this site out for some ideas.

Answer 3

First ....... How old is she?

Answer 4

Spare the rod and spoil the child. Spank that behind and make her apologize (she needs to verbalize what she's apologizing for).  

She'll change her behavior immediately.

Answer 5

You are too young to be facing such an issue with a child.

You must address these issues with her parents. Ultimately, they are responsible for her upbringing; you are just the babysitter. Of course, while babysitting you will inevitably deal with discipline issues, but you should be simply enforcing the rules established by the parents first.

If nothing improves after you speak to the parents, politely let them know that you will not be willing to babysit as a result.

Answer 6

hey

they need to learn right from wrong so "stick to your guns" or "stick at it" - she will learn

when she crys becos of her toys ignore her - its for attention

youwill know the difference of differnet cries

Answer 7

you need to discipline her when she does something like that. i have a nephew that's 2 years old and when he acts up i take a chair and i sit him in the corner and when i think its time for him to come out then he will. taking toys away doesn't do much of anything. I'm 13 and i have tried and it doesn't work very well. don't bribe them because doing that only wants them to get that toy or such more.

Answer 8

Are you babysitting her?  How much of the time?  It's not clear whether she has parents or whether you're in that role.  I assume she has parents; I would wonder whether they have any rules at home.  This child has somehow learned that she can do whatever she wants and that even if the rules are enforced, she may be able to get around that. If that's how her parents are raising her, it might be hard for you to change her behavior.  Talk to the parents, though, and tell them what you've noticed.

But you can probably get her to behave with you if you work on one thing at a time, and if you can keep her from getting the toys back when you take them away (i.e., make sure the consequence really is a consequence).  Start with the behavior you most want to change - the hitting, maybe?  Then when that seems to have been corrected, work on the next thing.  The last rule, "do what you're told" isn't very specific.  It might be better to pick specific things such as the picking  up of toys.

Good luck with this.  It's good training for parenthood (someday).

Answer 9

Four year olds are incredibly stubborn, but the first thing that has to go is the hitting. If she were my kid I'd hit her back, not a punch or kick or anything, just a solid-handed slap. Her parents might not approve, though.

You're doing it right, but her parents are probably undermining you by letting her do whatever she wants at home. Keep it up. It takes time.