Nightline Story on Adoption and Searching for Birth Parents.?

Question

It is on right now.

43 year old women goes to adoption agency to find her birth parents ~ Catholic Charities.

Counselor tells her to contact mother with a simple letter?

Other counselor says phone call?

Counselor tells Pam that her mother was a closed person and that she cared alot about her because she stayed (?) to make sure she was given to a good family?

Thoughts?

Answer 1

I think that finding a birth mother is very important to some adoptees and for some it is not.  For me, I was content not too- that does not mean that I do not love and respect my birth mom. I do with all of my heart- she chose life for me. I also have 2 adopted children, and my son all of his young life was interested in who his birth mom was, but my younger daughter , who is 16 has never voiced a need to meet her birth mom, yet.  Our son met his last year, he is 19.  As to the question about meeting your birth family to validate your existence- that is ridiculous- my existence and the existence of my children validates itself. I am , who I am first of all because God created me- and yes, I may have some of the traits of my birth family- not knowing them does not make me less alive.

Answer 2

EVERY human is different and complex.  We must realize and accept that just as not every adoptee feels a yearning to connect to bio. parents, not every bio. parent feels a yearning to connect to bio. children.  They have that right.

Answer 3

Didn't see it but keep in mind.....different cultures, govt, etc...

Who knows what the circumstance was and whether or not there was support on the first mothers side. Some cultures haven't evolved to the level where women can express themselves without being persecuted.  Did the a-parents explain this or was it somehow forgotten?  It wouldn't surprise me that 40 years ago in China a woman was never given the chance to grieve. They were told to block it out or suck it up. Heck, until the middle 70's US women had no rights against domestic violence and our sick society blamed women for their husbands beating them near death.

In many countries today women do not have even half the rights as women do in the states.   In some countries we are looked down upon that we are suppressed by the self righteous conservative religious nuts.   In many countries I've visited south of the US we do not even come close to having warm welcoming families. They consider us cold in temperament.

Sometimes what appears cold to us is normal to other cultures especially with Asian countries. It doesn't mean they don't care. They just express themselves differently and survive in the conditions they were dealt.

What you describe is sad but I think all parties need to take partial responsibility for not going above and beyond to make sure that this first mother wasn't given the support and right to raise her daughter. Its a shame that we are so Adoption Happy despite the souls being destroyed.  

This story sounds like a bad Ap's dream come true. Fortunately, today younger women in China are taking a chance speaking out despite being suppressed by their culture, gov't and US/Canadian adoption agency's funded by US/Canadian citizens adopting.

Answer 4

Hi Looney Tunes,

I did see it, and then my Internet service went out.  UGH.  I found this story disturbing.  I didn't agree with a lot of it but i was glad the complexities of adoption was put out there.  The fact that open birth certificates for adoptees was even on tv is a triumph.  It was welcoming to see any discussion on obc's.  Its a start:)

Answer 5

d**n, I must have missed this. I would have wanted to see it.

My personal opinion is that everyone and their brother will give an adoptee advice on whether or not they think it's a good idea to locate their first families, however, the adoptee is the only one who can really decide. And as an adoptive parent, I would absolutely be terrified of my daughter being rejected, but ultimately she will decide if that outcome is worth the risk of searching. Regardless, I would be 100% supportive all the way.

Answer 6

I`ve never felt a need to validate my existence in any way other then looking in a mirror.  At the same time though, if either of my daughters ever wanted to find their bio parents then I`d support them 100%.

Answer 7

I just watched the show. To me it shows what some go through finding their birth parents. There are many bio's who gave up their children and never told anyone. That doesn't mean she never thought about the child, but in the 60's it was something that wasn't accepted and alot of times never mentioned again. She at least was able to hear her voice for the first time. It was very upsetting to the mother to be contacted out of the blue like that. She did a private adoption and from what I gather didn't want to be found. That's probably why she has never called her back. To me it struck a cord because I was adopted in the early 60's. Anyone who is adopted and searches for their bio's must be prepared for the fact that some don't want any contact and don't want to have any relationship with them.

I thought it was a good show.

Answer 8

I watched this last night. I was all stressed out in the moments leading up to that phone call! I can relate to the whole thing, as I have called many birth relatives for others... but she really unloaded fast on the birth-mom. She surely shocked her. Too bad it didn't seem to work out. I think it could have been done more calculated? Followed up by a letter? Or a request for the birth-mom to send a packet of information with medical info and pictures? Who knows, it's so hard to know what's best in each situation? But I think it was bumbled!!!

Also... any search and reunion news is good news. It puts the idea of searching into the heads of birth-moms previously told to forget the whole ordeal!