Nightmares of the past?

Question

My friend is having nightmares about a car crash that happened two years ago when his mom died and he can't sleep, or he dreams about it again, concentrate or anything. What can I do to help him. Our summer school final in in two days.

Answer 1

dont sleep and then you will not dream or if u still need sleep then make sure ur not that tired and you will not remember the dream in the morning

Answer 2

Tell him that his mom slept with some weird girl and that she was a ***** and he should forget about her because shes gone and itll benefit everyone

(this is just something thatll help, not true)

Answer 3

Your friend is still far from closure in terms of his mother's death.  I'm very sorry for his loss and continuing difficulty with that - it is a very difficult and painful thing to deal with.

He's fortunate to have a friend like you trying to help and perhaps something gained here may yet do so.  Pure and simple - he has not resolved this loss.  It was abrupt and final beyond words - no one other than himself can truly feel what he does and even he cannot quickly sort out all the feelings of loss and they must plague his waking mind for there to be continued dreaming as you describe.  

It is good that he has sought therapy with a psychiatrist - but regrettable that he's found no real progress in that.  One suggestion here is that individuals in that profession can differ greatly in their own personalities and approach to such issues and he may need to consider a change.  Therapy of that order is still indicated - but a change to someone of a bit different approach may be more helpful.  That's costly - but so is not finding relief.  It would be wise for him to discuss this possibility with his own psychiatrist - who if ethical will seriously consider his plight and try to help find another who might help more.  

He might also inquire of others in support groups.  Check local listings for resources on this - there are various support groups for those in difficulty with grief and loss very much like your friend.  These little communities of people have much in common and tend to be quite helpful by allowing each other to open up and experiences can be shared.  Further, no doubt others there would have had the same therapy experiences and may help him find professional help that is more suited to his needs.  

Local churches often provide shelter for such groups as would others such as civic groups and the like.  A local minister may be a good starting point if you don't find a listing - they are usually aware of community resources like this and can help get your friend connected.  If you are in a metropolitan area the local telephone listings or internet should provide some leads as well.

Your friend really does need active help - and unfortunately is not likely to find immediate relief which hurts with exams so close.  But if you can even help him find a fresh path by which to deal with this it may give some peace of mind.

What can one say about his loss?  Little that is helpful except "I'm so sorry".  Others cannot really know his feelings but at least can be friends - just as you are doing.  Knowing they care and are trying in some active way can be a real boost.  Keep being his supportive friend - he'll need it as he eventually learns to accept this loss subconsciously and let go of his mother.  

No, he should not 'forget' - love like that is never destroyed.  But in time people learn to let our lost loved ones 'go' in the worldly sense while we learn to keep them close in spirit by the love that lives on and by continuing to do the best we can in the life they'd want us to have.  He needs to know that is OK - it is of course a change that may be understood consciously and intellectually.  The challenge is to get the inner mind and heart to come to grips with it.  Ultimately most move to a place where they realize that not letting go in this sense robs them of the life the deceased would have for them, and in that sense robs even the deceased of something that would be treasured.  Another challenge is to realize and actuate this without guilt - so continued help via support groups and/or good therapy may be vital in that, especially due to the intensity of feelings he obviously has.

All the best to your friend and you for healing in this matter.  Again, I'm very sorry for his loss.

Answer 4

It sucks to have those dreams. I think the best thing for him is to talk about it, maybe go to a psychologist a few times. Maybe when it happened, he just tried to cover the pain, and now it is coming out. It will probably pass over time, but for now the best thing you can do is be there for him and listen to him. As for the final, just try to keep him occupied with studying. Hope that helps!

Answer 5

I hate those dreams!! Well Rawrr is dumb but what I do to get my mind off of all that stuff is just do alot of fun things to forget the past and start new and fresh. Ask what he likes to do and do his hobbies all day.

Answer 6

Your friend is having flashbacks...

You've heard of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder??  

It's what soldiers who have been to war come home to battle.

I am including a website that I believe will help you greatly.  The benefit is half way down the page...

You and your friend are in my thoughts and prayers!