No maid/matron-of-honor - HELP!?

Question

I'm really having a hard time choosing my maid or matron-of-honor... I really want it to be a very important person in my life. My 2 bestfriend from HS live out of the country and they have no way to come here to be in my wedding (here in the US)... My 3 bridesmaids, are my good friends but that's just it... There's no strong bond unlike my bestfriends back home... How should I chose my maid/matron-of-honor... I don't have any siblings (just 1 boy - he'll be groomsman already)... My only close cousin lives in Cali and won't be able to help plan the wedding with me since I live in the East Coast...

I'm sooo bummed out...

Any thoughts or ideas???

Answer 1

That's tough.  I would honestly rethink my mom walking me down the aisle and have her as my matron of honor.  Also, no one said that you have to have one.  Just make whoever is closest to you (physically at the altar) hold your bouquet.  That's really all they do anyway.  They can each make a toast or do a joint toast.  Don't make people who are just friends help you plan your wedding.  But, if you must, spread the responsibilities evenly.

Answer 2

Time for a little truth:

The role of the Matron / Maid of honor is to sign the marriage license as a witness and to hold the bouquet during the ceremony and the groom ring if it is a two ring ceremony.

Sadly over the past 30 years stupid spoiled ladies have determined that the MOH/ BMs roles are to be indentured servants/ slaves, host innumerable showers, parties and excursions. Be available 24 / 7 for every crisis no matter how minor and basically give up their lives for the wedding.

Just have the 3 bridesmaids and upgrade one to witness/ ring and flower holder.

Don't be a bridezilla

Answer 3

Just don't have one. There's no rule that says you must have a maid of honor. Tell your bridesmaids that you love them all equally, so you're just going to have three equal bridesmaids.

Answer 4

Wow. You are definitely between a rock and a hard place. To be honest with you, I would have to ask the cousin to come in even a week before the wedding. Consider this, even if one of your girlfriends flew in they wouldn't know anyone or where to get stuff either. So try to have your cousin do it. That's as close of a bond as you're gonna get. Trust me.  

Answer 5

If it is an option, your mom could be your maid of honor? Hope it works out. :)

Answer 6

Can your mom do both?

Answer 7

After reading everything, I would ask your cousin to be the MOH. So what that she can't be there with you ever step of the way helping with the planning - an above poster is so right about MOH and BM responsibilities and how they've really gotten out of control over the years.  You want someone near and dear to you standing by your side during the ceremony.  If your cousin is able to come for the wedding and a few days before that when you'll need alot of help, I'd say go that way.  (Most likely she would be there for the wedding anyway, so ask her to do this honor and be part of the day)  

If the cousin can't come for the wedding at all, I love the idea of your Mom being your MOH and I'm sure she'd love it.   (I'd be honored to do that for any of my daughters).  

Lastly, if none of those are options, then go with just the 3 bridesmaids and how the other poster explained - you can't decide between the 3 so they are all equal in this. Then have your Mom sign the marriage certificate (so you don't have to decide that amongst the 3).

Answer 8

What about your future husband? Does he have any sisters? Even if you are not yet close to them, if they are available they might be a big help with the wedding, and then you'd be able to bond with the family.

Answer 9

sounds like your maid of honor or matron of honor will just be in title, not in assisting you, so maybe your cousin would be a good choice.  She is family, so no hard feelings for your friends. Also, your other brides maids will fill in and help you. I would ask your cousin.

after reading curriend's comment, I actually agree with that suggestion too. Ask your brother to walk you down the aisle and he can still be a groomsman. Then, have your mom as your matron of honor. Great! Or, you could ask your mom to do both! Extra honors to her! It is your wedding! I had a matron of honor and a maid of honor because I couldn't decide between two friends (fortunately one was married and we were all close), so do what your heart tells you to do. If your mom is close to you, by all means, she should be your matron or maid of honor.

Answer 10

Does your fiance have a sister? or maybe a Jr matron of honor? Like a niece?

ANd if not I would really pick one of the friends that live there, and see if she can help plan stuff with the best friend long distance. They can email and phone, three way on the phone with you for ideas...look up websites together. Like proxy best friend. If you dont think the local friend would be put off by that. You know, just approach the idea of "wouldnt it be cool if we could make _____ feel like they got to be here! she is so bummed she cant". Maybe she will come up with the same idea.