No matter what I do, I do it wrong...?

Question

When I was little, my dad was like my best friend. He used to take me out shopping with him and buy me things like ice cream or chocolate. Sometimes he took me to the fair, or he used to just spend time with me. We went to the park, we had picnics, we went on walks. Even when we were at home, he used to ruffle my hair as he went past or talk to me about nothing in paticular. It was fun.

Then, when I was about 10-11 years old, he stopped spending so much time with me. I didn't mind so much, I just assumed that he was backing off because I was growing up.

But it's being getting worse and worse. Now I'm 15. All I want is for my dad to be proud of me. He always yells at me or frowns at me now, and most of the time he doesn't even acknowledge me. He hasn't said 'Well Done' to me in over 2 years. I got a job, I try my hardest at School, I got top marks in all my SATS, I'm over-achieving in my GCSE's and expected straight A's, I always make him dinner and clean the house... but he's never proud. He never says 'Well Done'. In fact, he just finds something else to yell about.

He always seems to go off into these 2 hour rants about how appauling my education is (even though he never asks what my grades are or anything) or something similar.

I just want him to be proud. What can I do? Why doesn't he see how much effort I put in to things? Why can't I please him?

Answer 1

I think that he is struggling with a problem on his own and he takes it out on you. I also think you should talk to him it can help a lot and you might be able to help him and your relationship with him before its too late.

Answer 2

sit down and talk to him.it may be uncomfortable but let your feelings out.

Answer 3

You growing up could be part of the problem his little girl will be leaving home in a few years. But I think it's more than that. Something in his life is bothering him and he doesn't know how to express it, so he takes it out on the people he cares about.

Walk up to him and just give him a big hug. If he asks what it's for, just say "I'm happy that you are my dad and I wanted to give you a hug."  Every now and then just give him a hug and I guarantee he will start to change. He will start to notice how he is treating you because I don't think he notices how his actions are affecting you. He may just be so wrapped up in the things that are bothering him and he may feel that no one cares about what is bothering him.

Contrary to what other people will tell you. Most men won't talk about their problems with a woman, so don't try to talk to him about it. He will eventually solve what is bothering him or talk to his male friends about them.

If how he treats you doesn't change after you give him a few hugs, (I would be surprised if it doesn't) tell him how you feel.

Answer 4

The most difficult thing to understand is why your Dad is acting this way. There may be a reason you can think of... but if there is nothing obvious then it could just be the fact his little girl is growing up into a young woman. My Dad and I fought for a large part of my teenage years. I only heard 'bad things' from him and he only got 'moody teenager' from me. Do try to see things from his side as well and be aware that he is probably worried for you and all that you will have to deal with in the future.  As a positive action, next time you make dinner for him, ask him if it is okay. Hopefully he will say it is nice.  Next time you do well in a test or have a good grade on a piece of work, take it to him and show him how well you are doing. Don't force him to praise you but fish for it. Give him opportunities to see how well you are doing.  If you keep fishing for complements then hopefully this may start a new trend. Just try thinking about how you say things and maybe going in softly will reduce the shouting.

Just remember, this man should be a part of your life for a very long time so try to make it work. Mine is now very useful if I need any wallpapering done and for feeding the fish when I'm on holiday so don't give up on him yet.