No way around it? Wedding guest from h**l?

Question

Say you are inviting a guest to your wedding, a family member and someone who is being asked to be a groomsman.

Now they are dating and living with their girlfriend. She is this horribly rude person who the bride and groom do not get along with at all. And she drinks so much and causes a scene.

Is there any way to not have her at the wedding? We know its rude but my client is looking for suggestions.

I told her I dont think its possible but we are looking for a second opinion.

Answer 1

You could...

1) Buy her a ticket to a concert the night before the wedding and give her an extra 50.00 for booze....she will be too hung over to attend...

2) Buy a gift cert for a day spa... then give it to the groomsmen to give to his live in lush to use the day of the wedding explaining that he will be to busy with his duties for her to have any fun...

3) Invite her into the restroom then lock her in ....

That's all I have...

Answer 2

How close is it to the wedding? Is it past the point where the final guest count is to the caterer? Have the invitations already been sent with just the GM's name on it? If all else fails, lie... You can't really count on the GM to lie to her, but come up with something like, oh, i'm already over budget and no offense, but I don't really know you and we had to make some cuts...

**If all else fails, go with Kit's advice... :)

Answer 3

You client may offend them by going against etiquette, but if they are willing to stand up to being called rude or sending invites in poor taste, I say send the invite to the guy/groomsman only and ensure that on the RSVP is say ___ of 1 will attend.

If the unwanted guests scratches out the 1 and writes 2, the couple can call and say space is an issue and that they are unable to include guests for attendees.

Answer 4

Nope, there is no way to do it without being rude. It is her wedding and her day, but that doesn't mean that it isn't rude to do so. If she refuses to invite her she obviously can tell her not to come, but sine they are in a serious relationship and she is inviting her daughter she will be making a really bad impression by leaving her off of the invitation. Like I said, she can do whatever she wants, she just shouldn't.

It is perfectly acceptable to have someon on crowd control though, as long as you don't rub it in her face that its for her when she makes a scene. Who knows, she may manage to behave reasonably. The bride probably won't see her much, even if she does make a scene she can be removed and the other girl is the only one who looks foolish.

Answer 5

I don't think there's anyway to get around that because you would end up hurting the groomsman's feelings. And I would be more concerned with his feelings, not at all about hers.

You're just going to have to tell him to keep an eye on her and if she starts to act weird, he needs to pull her aside, or maybe take her back to the hotel. His guest, his responsibility.

Or as the wedding planner, maybe you could take it upon yourself to babysit her? I know that's awful and the last thing you want to worry about, but it would probably be for the best. If she gets roudy, simply pull her aside, and politely say, "You're causing a scene, and you'll be asked to leave if you continue."

Answer 6

HEY, It's your wedding ,and you get to have whoever you want or DON'T want their!!

Just tell her she's NOT invited, end of story, end of questions!!!!!!!

IT'S YOUR WEDDING , IT'S YOUR TIME TO BE THE HAPPIEST PERSON ON EARTH!!!!

Good Luck and CONGRATULATIONS  on your wedding!!!

Answer 7

if the invites are sent out then he's SOL she doesn't get to come.  You can always use the excuse "i'm sorry hunt he numbers are set, we just don't have room"

I'm assuming you are the wedding planner?  You get to be rude to her if she gets rude then. (that way she gets blunt honest answers but the bride doesn't have to look bad. lol)

If she goes "but i'm dating him, im showing up anyways blah blah blah" tell her "fine show up but we will have security on duty and you will be physically removed from the permises" (you don't have to hire security just scare her) if she does show up finding the largest (strongest) women at the wedding and have her physically remove her (if a man does it she can sue for sexual harassment even if there are witnesses.)  make sure it's a women.  h**l hire me, i'll do it for free!  I'll get her good. lol

Answer 8

OFCOURSE!

it's her wedding its supposed to be ALL about her.

You dont want the horror that happened at my moms wedding !

please take my advice..

Answer 9

There are two etiquette rules in question here:

-You invite significant others of your guests if they are living together, engaged, or married.

-You take the comfort and safety of your guests into consideration above all else.

I would think the second etiquette rule is more important here. It would take careful explaining to the groomsman about why his girlfriend would not be invited, but be prepared to have him back out.

There is a way around this problem. If you had a dry reception, or limited the alcohol, she would not get drunk and cause a scene.

Answer 10

They are in a relationship and living together, so according to etiquette, she must be invited.  Kit does have a couple of great ideas regarding possible diversions.  The bathroom sounds great, but you'll hear screaming in the main hall and it will upset the other guests!

Talk to the groomsman to see if she even wants to attend the wedding and then perhaps offer her the opportunity to skip this event.  If she's not on friendly terms with the rest of the family, then she probably would rather avoid going anyway.

However, with that said, it's a wedding, so it's a family event, and if she ends up marrying into this family, then everyone is going to have to find a way to tolerate each other.  This is not the advice that your client wants to hear, but I think all parties need to sit down and discuss their differences in advance of the big day.  Not inviting her is probably going to cause more drama than if she attends, because it will only fuel her continued dislike of her boyfriend's family and provide more fodder for future events.  They need to bury the hatchet now.

Best wishes!!!!!!

Answer 11

I'm not sure it's possible either.  

The only thing I can come up with outside of directly saying she is not welcome is this:  She could explain that the family member, as a member of the bridal party, would be too busy to spend any time with the girlfriend and it might be best if she doesn't come.  Of course, that would mean that everyone else in the bridal party would not be able to bring their boyfriend/girlfriend too.

Hope this helps.

Answer 12

Sorry, but I don't see any way out of inviting her without hurting your friend's feelings or hers.  Maybe you could somehow suggest to your friend that he kind of keep an eye on her drinking and her behavior?

Good luck!

Answer 13

pick someone else!

Answer 14

well its the bride + grooms day  so its reasonable not to invite this person, and if said person is aware of personality clash may be ok with not being invited. if possible could they maybe go 2 the service but not the reception like meeting them halfway, hope this helps.  :-)

Answer 15

Well, you can't change the girlfriend's personality - but you can point her out to the bartender and service staff and explain that she has a problem with alcohol and ask that they keep an eye on her especially. It is in their best interests (legally) to make sure none of the guests get tossed.  

Answer 16

I don't think you can exclude her without being extremely rude and causing hurt feelings, but you can let the groomsman know that onsite personnel will be instructed to physically remove anyone from the facility that begins to act up.  They can remind him that they are aware of the girlfriend's tendency to drink too much and get into trouble, and that he will need to keep an eye on her and monitor her behavior or she will be removed from the reception immediately.  If he does not feel she can control herself then perhaps he should consider leaving her at home.

Once he knows the rules, then he can decide, and throwing someone out for starting a scene is not rude.

Answer 17

i think kit pretty much covered it