Non-Deployable under certain reasons?

Question

This gonna be alot to read but follow along please....

I'm a SPC in the Army & been in the Army for about 2 1/2 years(got 1 more year to ETS...and YES it said 3 1/2 years on my contract), Right now I'm in Korea, while my family(wife & 3 kids) are in Texas living at Fort Bliss till I get back(in Oct this year).

I might be going to Fort Hood after I come back for a couple months at Fort Bliss.

Now...I been in Korea for almost a year & my family been through alot issues....So far this is what happened:

- 1/2 the time I been here(Korea) my wife doesn't really know how to manage money, so we always seem to be in the hole in our bank account.

- My wife got reported to Child Protective Services in Texas saying she threaten to do "something" to our children. CPS so-called "watched" her for a few months but never went back to our house to check after the 1st visit..then closed the case.

- My Wife was/is diagnosed with Bi-Polar(she takes meds now but it only gets rid of 1/2 her symptoms)

- My 3 year old was/is diagnosed with Autism.

- My mother-in-law (who currently lives with my wife & kids) steals my wife's meds at times, & taught my 2 year old daughter to pinch people(even pinch her own mother).

Me and my wife plan on having my mother-in-law move out....So when I get back to Fort Bliss in Oct, I'll be able to help my wife with the kids because my mother in-law helps but we can't really trust her with certain things.

Now here's the thing.......What if I do go to Fort hood....It's a rapid deployable base & if I get deployed, My wife won't have any help with the kids(ages: 10 months,2 years and 3 years). I also mentioned she's Bi-polar & at times she forgets to take her meds. So I'm worried about what's gonna happen to the kids if I'm not there to help.

Sure there's all these "Programs" in the Army that help you out with families with special needs....BUT are they as reliable as me when being there to help with my wife?

There's not really anyone on my side of the family that can help with my wife because they're trying to live their lives. As for my wife's side of the family...she doesn't like being around them too much & they add to the depression she already has with being Bi-Polar.

Now here's my question.....Under these certain reasons can I still be deployed?

I mean MY FAMILY comes first & foremost..not the Army. And if somehow they send me to get deployed & the reasons above stay the same....I'll just have to detach myself from the Army in someway shape or form...I don't want to do that but as a LAST resort & for wife & kids I will.

BTW...We can hardly effort daycare on base(even with the "deployment discount")...so that's out of the question on taking care of our kids.

And.....

When we had money issues a Lt. at Fort Bliss referred that my wife go to a Financial Class.....she didn't go.

Answer 1

Wow that is a lot on your plate, and I'm sorry that you are all going through so much.

Here are some things to note:

1.  Which MOS are you?  I can't guarantee to be able to tell you what unit you will be in, but it might help us narrow down the Unit and if they are currently deployed, just returned, etc.

2.  If you return from Korea in Oct. 08 and you arrive at Fort Hood either in Oct. or Nov. '08.  Is your ETS date before Oct. of '09?  

Believe it or not, the military will try to assign you to Rear D since you just got back from Korea, but there are no guarantees. (We had a similar situation when we came to Fort Hood).

If your ETS date is before Oct. '09 then unless you are "stop lossed" they again will try to leave you behind with the Rear Detachment.

3.  I'm sorry about the situation with CPS.  Texas seems to have a "high incident" issue with them.  I am glad to hear though that they did close the case.

4.  No body can make your wife take her meds, not even you.  I know you would feel better though about being able to monitor her better.

If she is still having problems that her medications are not covering I would highly recommend having her see a doctor, so that they can help adjust her meds to help her more.

5.  I agree the situation with your mother-in-law will be best solved by doing what you are planning on.

6.  Support for your wife, if you are deployed can be found.

a.  CYS registration is free this year and when you are deployed.

b.  I believe Army Wide, you wife is eligible for at least 16 free hours of child care a month.

c.  Autism support at Fort Hood is excellent.  And depending on when your 3 year old turns 4, you will probably be able to send him to Pre-K here at Fort Hood next fall.

7.   Do either of you have any nieces, cousins, sisters that in the 18 -20 year old age bracket who might like to "live away from home" for awhile to come and help your wife, if you are deployed?

8. As soon as possible have your wife register herself and your 3 year old in the "Exceptional Family Member Program".  It might not guarantee that you don't deploy again, but it may help.

9.  Concerning finances.  Can you via the internet, pay the bills on-line for awhile and take this stress off of your wife?  Set up one account for paying bills and an allotment to an account for your wife to buy groceries and stuff.

I wish you the best.

Answer 2

first off, God is not going to give you a cross you can't bear, you will be alright. I've been kind of were you are, not much I thought i could do since everything is about the mission when you're in the military, but while your in they say we are here for your family and offer all kind of stuff that don't really help a troop like it's set up to do... But yes you can request to be put on  hardship orders, that will keep you from being deployed for one year, you must provied all paper work about your wife being unstable, you can go to her doctors and tell them what you are doing and tell them you need a letter stateing you need to be there and she is unstable. Next you type a letter and in that letter you've got to make it seem there is nobody out there who can help you with your family. Include the CPS vist too.. But it will work, make sure everything is on paper, they'll put you on hardship orders for a yea and youre nondeployable....  

Answer 3

you are still deployable the army will not care if you think your family comes first they own you there are services that can help now is the time to start looking into this do not Waite your second option is to put up with the mother in law you may not agree with her methods but she is  probable the best qualified to help your wife with the children she will lookout for them better than anyone else  

Answer 4

Well unfortunately the army is the opposite its your mission first than your family. So I highly doubt it man, they would probably say family care plan. If you don't get one than I'm guessing they would say oh well, if your looking to get out. You can get out on a family care plan but that doesn't look like a good idea cause of all the issues. So honestly I would say your gonna go. It's iffy though i would talk more to your command you at now. Or like the family advocate program they got there.

Answer 5

Hi Jay! I dont know so much about what programs may be available, but a few thoughts come to mind. Is there ANYONE you know that would be able to take custody of the children until you return? It doesnt sound like the children are in a safe environment. I know I would be willing to take custody of any child on our installation that was going through something similar. You have to make sure your family is taken care of even when you arent there.

Second, the money. You know she isnt financially responsible, so dont continue to let her run the finances. Can you set up your bills on autopay or allotment so that she has nothing to do as far as that is concerned? Give her prepay cards for every place she needs to go (commissary, walmart, etc). I dont know exactly what your money issues are but to eliminate some hassles that may help. I dont know if I could be of additional assistance but you are welcome to email me or IM me anytime. Take care of yourself and I hope it all gets worked out for the sake of your children, your wife, and your marriage.

Answer 6

You need to seek a hardship discharge.  This situation demands you to be home, not constantly moving around the globe.  Nor does your family need the threat of instability hanging over their heads.

Answer 7

SPC,

The army has an EXCEPTIONAL FAMILY MEMBER PROGRAM on base that will keep you at home if all of the above are substanciated by military medical records and recommendation.

The Exceptional Family Member Program (EFMP) is a mandatory enrollment program that works with other military and civilian agencies to provide comprehensive and coordinated community support, housing, educational, medical, and personnel services to families with special needs.

An exceptional family member is a family member (child or adult) with any physical, emotional, developmental, or intellectual disorder that requires special treatment, therapy, education, training, or counseling.

There are EFMP counselors in Korea and in Texas at either Bliss or Hood who can advise you on how to enroll.

When possible, soldiers are assigned to an area where their exceptional family member’s medical and special education needs can be met. This will depend on a valid personnel requirement

for the soldier’s grade, specialty, and eligibility for the tour. All soldiers are still eligible for worldwide assignment.

Barring that, as you well know, you are deployable and will be deployed.  Although your "Big Rock" is your family, the government pays you, you have a contract, and to "detach yourself in some way, shape or form" will affect your civilian employment, as that form of detachment could mean a less than honorable classification of discharge, and will be a lasting red light on any job application that you complete PLUS affect loans, grants, etc for housing and education.

You need to talk to your platoon sergeant and your first sergeant to get to EFMP.  Have your wife (or you) contact militaryonesource or Tricare for the mental health benefits available and resources where your wife is.  Get to do this now.

With all that you have described, you might need to extend your contract - its going to be very worse for you in the civilian sector.  That LAST RESORT will be the worse move that you can make.

Answer 8

Family first...well, how will you support them when you're in the brig? When you're kicked out for going AWOL/UA, what job will you get? Do you have medical insurance lined up? You need to think about the long-term, too, my friend.

Let's list your concerns:

"1/2 the time I been here(Korea) my wife doesn't really know how to manage money, so we always seem to be in the hole in our bank account."

Your wife's inability to manage money is not the problem of the military. They will advise you to have a separate bank account for yourself, and then to pay bills using your bank account...that way, your irresponsible wifey can spend away. They will also recommend that you take her to financial counseling courses.

"My wife got reported to Child Protective Services in Texas saying she threaten to do "something" to our children. CPS so-called "watched" her for a few months but never went back to our house to check after the 1st visit..then closed the case."

This means that you have a right to place your children in the care of someone else. What happens if you have to deploy and are a single parent? Same thing: sign temporary guardianship over to someone else. Same thing happened to two Cpls...they were married but one was going through anger management and the other was deploying and didn't trust their daughter in the hands of someone with anger issues. The child was placed in the care of a family member.

"My Wife was/is diagnosed with Bi-Polar(she takes meds now but it only gets rid of 1/2 her symptoms)"

Unless this makes it so she cannot take care of herself or her family, this won't matter.

"My 3 year old was/is diagnosed with Autism."

Autistic children are typically born to military families, interestingly. Your child should be taken care of by someone who is able to take care of children with special needs.

"My mother-in-law (who currently lives with my wife & kids) steals my wife's meds at times, & taught my 2 year old daughter to pinch people(even pinch her own mother)."

Again, your family's inability to act as decent human beings is not the fault of the military. In fact, you should be dealing with this, not trying to sneak out of deployments. This is a separate issue that you, as a FATHER, need to be taking care of. Family first, right? So why let your mother-in-law steal your irresponsible wife's stuff and teach your daughter to do bad things?

It seems more like you should be worried about divorcing your wife and taking custody of your children.

Anyway, with an Autistic child and incapable mother, you can try to push that you need to be there. HOWEVER, the military isn't going to just let you do this...after all, if your wife and mother in law really cause that many problems, they're going to expect that you actually do something about it if they let you stay behind. You know, actually put your family first instead of letting your home life go to c**p until oh golly gee now you need to deploy.

It looks like you're not actually taking care of your family, friend, and just suddenly looking to magically do so just because you have to deploy now. That's the first thing they're going to ask you: "If this was such a huge problem, why haven't you tried to fix it yet? Why are you waiting until now, when you have to deploy?" What will be your answer to them?

Answer 9

short answer: YES you can still be deployed.   the Army comes first in their eyes.  

your only option is to request a Hardship discharge.  you do NOT get out of deploying just because you have family issues at home.  Mine is about to deploy.  I am disabled.. cannot drive, live more than 30 minutes from base, there is no public transportation near me, I have ZERO family anywhere near and all my medical appointments are an hour away.  

everybody has an excuse or reason why THEY should be given special consideration and not have to deploy.  

Answer 10

Your Country comes first, my friend.   I see no reason that you would be non-deployable for this.  If you push it, you might be able to pull off a hardship discharge under AR 635-200 (Enlisted personnel Discharges) but I think you're just worrying yourself too much about this.

What makes you THINK you might be going to Fort Hood?  Either you have PCS orders in your hand, or you don't.  Your unit doesn't even have any idea where you MIGHT go, until your PCS orders show up.

Look, Brother.....What we do is a tough job, especially when it comes to family.  But you gotta take control of your fears.  I remember being scared of such things as this when I was younger, too.  Some day it's probably gonna happen.  You don't get a job at Burger King and NOT expect to stand behind the grill sooner or later.  It's just what we do.  It's our pain/glory.  You'll be home from Korea soon, and you can go to that class together.  The more you prepare, the less you fear.  Bring your family together with you, and you'll all get through the toughest times together.

EDIT:  CPT B is right.  Sorry, I forgot about some of the resources.  It's been awhile since I've been stationed at an installation big enough to have those resources, and you should definately take advantage of them.

Answer 11

The Army would never accept this person for enlistment! This is all bogus! Don't believe a word of it!

Answer 12

I am having a hard time feelign sorry for you to, if you had the viiolent brother that I had who took a weapon adn said he was gonna kill me, then I could se eyou staying home, but you wife is not suicidal and not tryign to kill your kids, she need sto take her meds and as one of my SGT's use to tell me, IF YOU FORGET SOMTHING< YOU WRITE IT DOWM< she oviously does not want to admit that she has this mental problem, and her motehr-in-law wants to sellt he drugs or takes them herself. Your wife has to face reality on her own or face the consiquences of her actions, you are not her mother or her PLT SGT, she needs to get a life, as one who had a violent brother and was incharge of him because my mother would not take responsiblity for him and then almost got killed because of it, so I left for the military, I would say that she is old enough to get her own mental help and if the meds are nto working, she needs to finds meds that will work or get healed thru theophostics, LOOK< I have been thru SRA, sexual, mental, brainwashing, mind control, indoctrination, verbal, emotional, all kinds of abuse and I still am able to have a life thru my meds and thru theophostics (www.theophostic.com), maybe she is not ready for healing, but you can't baby her forever.

Answer 13

The first thing to do is immediately speak with your command.  You need to tell them all the details and ask what they suggest.  I will be honest in saying that my gut reaction is to ask for a discharge on family care issues.  Your wife has a serious illness, one that is never easy to treat and one that can change rapidly.  You have a young child who is going to need a lot of support and services (I have a son with autism and while we have managed to stay in the service, we were not facing the other issues you are) and no one to help with.  The next step is to enroll both your wife and your son in EFMP.  This will ensure you can not be stationed someplace that can't provide the services they need.  However, that does not do anything to keep you from deploying.  While you may be able to avoid any deployments in the immediate future, you will not be able to continue to serve if you are unable to deploy.  At the very least, it should be able to get you through your current enlistment, giving you time to prepare for civilian life after you are done.  Clearly however, you current needs..and the needs of your family...are such that a military career may not be in the best interest.  I wish you well...

A few other comments...To those who say bi-polar is treatable and there are medications..it is true there are.  However, it is not always successful or easy to find the right combinations or dosage levels.  And, many people with bi-polar refuse to take thier meds, saying they do not like feeling "dead"..missing the highs and lows...or once they feel stable, thinking they are cured and stopping them.  It is a complex disease and one that varies dramatically from person to person.

As for autim in the military...my son has autism.  We have been in for 18 years, but when he was diagnosed, we were encouraged to consider getting out.  Even with EFMP, it is not an easy life.  If you move frequently, you will constantly be starting from square one..looking for new therapists, new services, new schools.  The program garuntees to keep you in areas where there are services..but does not garuntee the services will be of the same caliber as those you leave behind.  Autism services vary from school to school and state to state.  It takes a dedicated family to make it through those challanges..and this family has one parent who can not at this point, be realistically expected to provide that level of stability and care.

Only the poster can decide if he wants to divorce.  Being the single parent of an autistic child is more challanging that simply being a single parent of an average child and it is clear he would have no one to help him if he was to deploy. It seems to me that he is not shirking his duty...but trying to save his family...

Answer 14

I understand what  you are saying but you wife can take more responsibility for what she does. I would say the only way out is to get out of the service but jobs are tough out there and i believe the army is going to make you go anyway move out the mother in law for one I hope you are on base  housing get social services in there for your family she needs help with her bio polar and taking care of a child that is autistic I feel really bad for you need to apply for ssi for the child that has autism that would help some and see if you can get food stamps what rank are you?  And you tell your wife that she needs to take the medicine because you are out there supporting her and the kids and the rest of America and god bless you  we are a military family we have 3 in the air force my husband was a navy sailor my son was army my daughter is a military cop in mississippi and so is my son law we are proud of all of you and I forgot our nephews a fighter pilot and one is a journalist in the air force take care I hope all is well.

Answer 15

dude your wife is s******g you over big time, their is medicine for bipolar disease, my mother has bipolar and she's been taking medicine since she was a kid for it, she was an excellent mother to me and my siblings, we came first, it sounds like your wife isn't putting your kids first especially if she's being watched by Child welfare people, where their is smoke their is fire, she doesn't care about your finances, she doesn't even want to try, the government doesn't care if you wife is responsible for herself, SHE needs to fix it, many military miss the births of the children, high school graduation, etc. and your reason for not wanting to deploy is because your dumb wife can't get her act together, please!