Nosy neighbor says my daughter won't be socialized?

Question

My neighbor is a retired college professor and she says that my 3 year old won't be socialized if I homeschool her. What could I say to her to set her at ease? My daughter is very social already and we go to group and child playdates and sunday school all the time. She says that children need the going to class with class mates to function in the real world. I don't want my daughter to be like the world!!!!!! What can I say to her?

Anybody have any experiences like this also?

Answer 1

Everyone else gave really awesome answers! I thought I would share with you an article I actually printed off and put in my homeschooling encouragement binder. Sometimes I get a chuckle at it, too. :)

It's called, "How to Answer the Socialization Question Once and for All" by Marsha Ransom. Here's a little clip of it:

We do not have to defend homeschooling based on false assumptions, false accusations, and false information. Please stop telling others about all the opportunities your kids have for "socialization" and start gently exposing them to the real issue here-- a lot of what kids learn from other kids in social situations is simply living according to "The Law of the Jungle."  In our family, we have a higher set of laws to follow and I bet your family does too. Next time, don't be afraid to say so!

Read the rest of the article here: http://www.nhen.org/newhser/default.asp?...

Answer 2

As someone else suggested, if you feel the need to talk to her at all start by asking what she thinks the word socialized means because either she's got it wrong or she's got a VERY messed up idea of the accepted norms of behaviour in modern society. School is nothing like 'the real world' and kids have to unlearn a lot when they leave it and have to start interacting with adults.

Honestly unless you really like this daft old biddy I wouldn't bother trying to convince her.

Answer 3

What do you say? nothing

It's not her business.  Don't even stoop to discuss this with your neighbor.  She doesn't deserve your time on this topic.

Your daughter will be fine.

Answer 4

Socialization is probably the biggest question asked when considering home schooling. I am sure it is a question that will be debated as long as children are home schooled. The studies and research that have been done has not shown that home schooled children are lacking in socialization skills.

So the big question is " How do home schooled children socialize " ? Here is a list of various ways that can help, just to give you an idea of a few.

-most online charter schools have " outings " or planned activities such as going to a museum or park

-take martial art lessons

-take music lessons ( piano, guitar, flute etc )

-join the YMCA ( take swimming lessons, join a sports program there, join an arts and humanities class )

When in question about being home schooled and socialization, I can tell you that before I home schooled and my children went to traditional schools, my concerns then were not focused on socialization. My main focus when my children went to school was to get an education. I believe that socialization is a very small part of any schooling. It definitely should not be the main focus of the day for any student or parent.

My oldest son attended an online charter school and now attends the University of Dayton ( a private college ) and he has scholarships as well no different then if he had attended a regular public school or a private school.I still home school my 2 other children. My youngest son has never attended anything else and he has no problems with socialization at all.

Many people don't consider home schooling thier children, because they are afraid thier children will miss out on socialization. According to the U.S. Department of Education, it is estimated that 1.7 percent of all students participate in a home schooling program. A greater number of parents are turning to home schooling as an option for educating their children.

This concept once only included the idea of parents assuming the responsibility of educating their own children. Today, the modern home school has evolved to include the use of computers and other technically-advanced equipment. Although home schooling has the predominant form of education throughout history, many people consider it to be a new concept.

Why are parents choosing home schooling more and more? There are many benefits. You can customize your curriculum (just as k12 does). Home schooling enables students to participate in a curriculum that is tailored to their needs. They can focus on specific areas of interest or other areas that require extra attention. Your chouces are many. You can choose a free online charter school, private online schools, an online curriculum or text book based curriculum.

You can use different learning methods, so students don't have to sit at a desk all day. They might go on a field trip to a historical place, explore nature at a park, or visit a science camp. There are many free sites where you can learn about the things that you see on these kinds of field trips too. E Field Trips and National Park Curriculum is available for free to everyone.

Most home school based curriculum is self-paced, so if students require extra help on an assignment or want additional challenges, they can learn as fast or as slow as they choose. In a traditional school setting , the teacher can't always slow down and go over an area that a few students may not understand as well as the rest of the class. This is how so many kids today "get lost" and are left behind. A situation like this is easily avoided at home.

Having a flexible schedule is a great benefit. Home schooling provides students with more options than a traditional classroom. Students can set their own schedule and learn at any time. If they want to take a test at night, they have the freedom to do so. They are learning on their own terms. Many sites are free offering help for children in all subjects through free worksheets, games and activities.

There are fewer social distractions for children at home. Home schooling allows students to learn without the worry or interference of social distractions. They are not faced with the social pressures of regular school. They can focus on their work and not what another kid in the class might be saying or doing. You don't have to worry about bad influences that your child might have at school (drugs, alcohol, the wrong crowd etc). If you teach your child a certain set of morals and values, they will not learn something entirely different as they may have in a traditional school setting.

Home schooling enables students to get one-on-one attention from their teacher. Whether they are learning from a parent or online teacher, they can get immediate attention for all of their educational needs.

A home schooling program can provide students with choices. It gives them an alternative to the traditional classroom. Whether they choose home schooling for academic, safety or social reasons, they can be in charge of their education. It enables them to create an individualized learning experience.

For many children this is definitely a good option. A student needs to be self disciplined enough to do the school work daily. If a student is dedicated to being home schooled and can appreciate it, they can be successful !

Answer 5

I could tell my own story of how my son withered socially in PS and is blossoming as a homeschooler - but that would not be as compelling to your neighbor as this quote from Harvard Extension School:

***

Extension School faculty have discovered unique qualities in students who are homeschooled. Dr. Paul Bamberg, who teaches math and physics, was struck by an exceptionally bright student in his advanced geometry course. "I had a half-dozen Extension School students combined with Harvard undergraduates in my class," he says. "The top two students happened to be Extension School students, and the top student was homeschooled." Of the homeschooled students he has come in contact with, Bamberg says he has found them to be "more inclined to speak up, more careful with all the detail on their homework." As for stereotypes, Bamberg says, "I've heard them—that homeschooled students are antisocial, a liability to high schools. I haven't met any of those types yet."

***

Another approach: next time she sticks her nose in to your business.  Listen respectfully and ask her if she could provide you with empirical research to back up her concerns. As a college professor she will probably appreciate this... and you will be sending her on a wild goose chase...

She won't be able to find anything because such research does not exist - all the data and all the research indicates that homeschooled students do well both academically and socially.

***UPDATE: All the folks saying: Just ignore her. It is none of her business and you won't change her mind anyway - they are spot on.

Answer 6

First her opinion doesn't matter! If you home school is not her busisness. As for what you can tell her is simple you plan to join a group for homeschoolers or do a Co-Op or something that will help her. Also you can plan on things like dance lessons, and local sports teams. Let her understand that homeschoolers aren't locked up and lead very social lives without ever stepping into a public school. That's if you decide to tell her anything!

Answer 7

As a homeschooler, I'm sorry, but I have to agree with the professor.

Hahaha, I swear, the answers I see on here never seize to amaze me.

(Oh I'm sorry! "Cease", lol)

Answer 8

First of all- I would be careful who you discuss your plans with. The socialization issue always comes up. My response has been.

"Well what about socialization?" (this usually comes from a grandparent)-I respond with I'm so glad you asked- We have so much more time to interact with peers in sports and classes because my kids aren't so tied up with homework like they used to be.

She may come around with time. Maybe not. But you are making a wonderful decision for your daughter-don't question that in the least.

And we all know that a classroom or 30 or so same aged peers is not socialization but I try not to even bother convincing other people of that.

Another approach-Just thank her for her concern and let her know that you'll be watching for signs or her  not getting along well with other kids. She probably doesn't mean any harm by her comments.

Jana

www.summerhouseliving.com

www.purehomeschooling.com

Answer 9

Why do you have to set her at ease? Why do you have to say anything to her? It's not your job. Let her have her opinion. The "older" generation, if you will, often has a very hard time accepting the idea of homeschooling because it's so different from what they grew up with. Oftimes, it's impossible to change their minds. That's fine. They don't need to be changed. Just keep doing your thing and avoid talking about homeschooling with this particular neighbour.

Answer 10

Wait, wait, wait... your neighbor said that in order to teach your *3* year old how to socialize in the real world, she needs to be *taken out* of the real world, put in a fake world, taught how to get along, and then released into the real world later?

That sounds kind of like a zoo, or something. What's up with that?

Also, isn't that kind of an insult to you... what is she suggesting about your capacity to get along in the world and teach your daughter how to do that?

Seriously, though, when people bring this up, I just shrug my shoulders. It really, honestly, does not matter to me what my neighbors think of my children's social skills. I've seen enough public school kids with such horrible social skills it makes me want to cry, that I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that homeschooling won't be any more likely to ruin my kids socially than public school.

People who bring up the "S" word worry too much, and think not enough. That's not my problem, and it's not my place to fix them.

So long as she doesn't seem like the kind of person to be vindictive and call child protection services, ignore her attempts to push your buttons. Do more research, become an empowered, fearless parent.

Good luck!

Answer 11

Ignore her!!!

She's not worth your time.

Do what you KNOW is best for you daughter.

If she's social as it is then it's fine.

But the part where she says "to function in the real world" I guess she means to know how to deal with problems from others and not have to depend on you or anyone else. And can be independent. But she can do that anywhere. Most likely learning about problems with friend and such happen at school though.

If your neigghbor is trying to talk to you, just let her say what she has to say, and when she's gone act like you never heard a single word that she has spoken.

Answer 12

There's almost certainly nothing you can say to reassure your neighbour and, quite honestly, unless the neighbour is someone you really respect and consider to be as close as family, I wouldn't even be trying; it's your family, your child, your decision and, if there were to be any consequences, you and your hubby'd be the ones living with them, not the neighbour!

This seems to come up heaps in America - I've been home-educated all my life outwith the US and I had never heard this: 'kids need to go to school or they won't be socialised' line until I started reading peoples' posts here (someone suggested the other day that it has to do with Americans' fondness for 'togetherness' and 'unity').

Anyway, you'll find many of these people say 'socialised' when they think they're saying 'socialising' or they use the terms 'socialisation' and 'socialising' as if they are interchangeable which they are not. Seriously, I'd start by asking the neighbour what she means by 'socialised' just to check she too isn't confusing your daughter's opportunities for socialisation with her opportunities to socialise with her peers!

You might also want to point out that the overhelming majority of a person's socialisation takes place between birth and age 6, i.e. before they go to school, anyway.  

I also know people who DID go to school and all it did was convince them that the minute they left they were going to return home and stay there and not have anything more to do with anybody else ever again!

Other than that, you're probably right to be wary of the sort of socialisation that goes in schools. All too often, it is the goverment and business way of indoctrinating kids into what they need them to become rather than what they would become if allowed to mature naturally and individually and in their own time and way.

At the end of the day, I reckon the only way you will convince your neighbour of the benefits of home-education is to stop trying to convince her; just get on with homeschooling your little girl and let that speak for itself. I reckon the only way your neighbour will really come to undertstand the positive socialisation afforded to your daughter by being home-educated is to actually SEE it for herself in the months and years to come as she sees and gets to know your daughter growing up.

Edit @ The Skeptic (or whatever else you're calling yourself this week!)...you don't think that as you're the one person who has all these problems homeschooling when everyone else here is thriving and blossoming on it that maybe, just maybe, your difficulties stem from something in you or the way you're trying to homeschool?!?

Btw, it's 'cease' not 'seize': the answers never cease to amaze me.

And my offer still stands: if you want to tell me exactly what it is you find so tough about being home educated (instead of just whingeing, whining and generally feeling hard done-by and sorry for yourself all the time), I'll do whatever I can to try and help you work out how to improve your situation. After all, as I've said before, if I can live in the middle of nowhere, miles away from anywhere or anyone, and still have a busy, fulfilling (and, at times, hectic!) life, I am pretty darn sure I can come up with some suggestions to help you build a life for yourself where you are.

Answer 13

You received many excellent answers here.  I would just like to tell you that it is not your job to set your nitwit neighbor's mind at ease.

However, for your ease, print this out and read it whenever some idiot makes an obnoxious comment about socialization: http://www.homeschoolcentral.com/sociali...

or, this: http://hometown.aol.com/tma68/7lesson.ht... which is from John Taylor Gatto's book, Dumbing Us Down.  Your nitwit neighbor would blow his stack at it, but he will leave you alone afterward.  You might even suggest he read Gatto's book.  Gatto, BTW, won NYC and NY State Teacher Of The Year.

Answer 14

Just tell them that! I just graduated from homeschooling & I loved it! I may have a little trouble fitting in with my age group but that's because I like more mature people & don't care for lots of teenage drama. But between church & ballet & gymnastics and band, I didn't stay at home all day. Now, it's true, it can be hard to know what to say or talk to people my age, but I can get along with adults like no one else my age and that's a major plus when looking for a job! But I still have several close friends my age who aren't all dramatic. So let them think what they want. You do what you feel is right.

Answer 15

No socilization! My foot! Ignore your neighbor. I have been homeschooled all my life and I believe I have more friends now then I ever would have had in school. The only thing that you should make sure to do is make sure she gets involved in stuff -- girl scouts, church groups, homeschool ep's, and stuff like that.

Just be careful not to shelter her in the room all the time doing homeschooling -- then she will be less socialized. But, if you enroll her in groups and other activities, and if she has a nack for making friends, you'll have no problems and no worries. Honestly, I think homeschooling is safer then public school in a lot of places. Of course that's probably just me.

><> A homeschooling friend

Answer 16

Most home schooled children are also in other activities such as scouts, dance, 4-H, volunteer activities, ministry, Bible clubs, and many others. I'll consider it if I have children.