Not being allowed to go to a funeral??

Question

My husbands grandmother passed away yesterday morning. She lives in Missouri and his dad has offered to fly us there (Myself, my husband and our daughter). I thought it would be a great time for our daughter to be able to get the entire family together for a long weekend and meet his side of the family (We live in Seattle)… She has only met his mom… Anyway, he thinks it would be a better idea because there would be a lot of traveling involved (too much for a 2 year old). I don’t want to be insensitive or demanding, but I think it is really selfish to leave us behind… What would you think? Would you demand more? Would you be understanding? Most importantly, how would you say it?

Answer 1

Don't be overdramatic, dear, it's not that you or your daughter are not "allowed" to attend the funeral.  No one is prohibiting you.  

Nor is your husband "leaving you behind."  This trip isn't about you or your daughter, nor should it be considered a vacation.  It's hardly a good time to introduce a child to a roomful of mournful, emotional adults.

You need to consider your husband's feelings.  A close family member just passed away, and he and his natal family are grieving.  He needs to go pay his respects to his grandmother, and support his family.  You, in turn, need to support him during this difficult time, not blame him for being "selfish" enough to grieve.  

I think it would be best if your husband attended by himself, allowing him to focus on his natal family.  If you and your daughter do attend, it should be solely to support HIM, not to demand attention and interaction with his side of the family.

Answer 2

Wow. I think you should all be able to go. I think, as unfortunate as it is that grandma has passed away, this would be a time that family needs to pull together and your daughter should be able to go. I think right now maybe your husbands father would like to see his grandchild. They always have a way of making people feel better. Not so sad. I think you need to tell your husband that. If his father didn't want all of you to come, he would have never offered to fly all of you there. I hope he comes to his senses. Tell him that you are all going  

Answer 3

You need to talk to your husband.  I don't understand why he wants to go alone.  Particularly if someone else is picking up the tab for you and your daughter.  I don't understand his concern about your daughter traveling.  It's just a couple of flights.  (I'm assuming it won't be direct but it still shouldn't be a big deal).