Not spending enough time w/ my son....??

Question

I am a single mom of a 23 y/o little boy & the last few months I have started suffering from a pretty severe depression. Over the last few weeks it has been getting worse so my dad has been taking care of my son for me more then normal. Last week it was 2 days (I had a total melt down & didn't think I was mentally stable enough to take care of him) and then last weekend my dad asked if he could keep him 2 days & I let him. Now I have to work Saturday (normally I work M-F) & my mom is off work so she wants to keep him this weekend. I'm starting to stablize emotionally & mentally some & I'm realizing that I'm not spending the amount of time I'm used to or want w/ my son. After this weekend no one is going to keep him for awhile not even for a couple of hours but have I been a bad mom for letting my parents take care of him? Or did I do the right thing when I was not mentally capable of taking care of him allowing my parents to watch him? Pls don't be mean to me I already feel bad...

Answer 1

No you are not a bad mom, you are a good one.  You knew that you wouldn't be able to care for him like you should be able to, so you let your parents.  It's better for him to be around happy than around you having a break down.  Don't feel bad you did the right thing.  I hope that you have made a Dr's app and that you will seek help for yourself, in doing this you will just be helping your son.  A happy home makes a happy child!!!  Best of luck hope that you feel better soon.

Answer 2

My wife and I let her folks watch our 2yo a lot.  He adjusts well when spending time with them and adjusts well when coming home.

As long as your son isn't protesting staying with your parents, he should be fine.  He is with someone he loves and who loves him back.  

Back in the old days, according to my grandmother, raising a child was a family project with the kids' grandparents, aunts, even great grandparents helping out.  Children are tough, especially at the 'terrible twos' and I really don't think we are meant to do it alone.  That's what family is for; to help you when you need it.

I do highly encourage you to seek some mental health treatment.  Talk to your doctor, be it your general health care provider or your ob/gyn, or a specialized mental health care specialist.  There is no shame in it.  It's good to have someone to talk to who is an unbiased outsider.  But it may be a medical condition, too.  That is why I suggest you see your doc.  

Be sure to thank your parents for watching him.  I'm sure they are happy to do itf and really enjoy the time with their grandson, and I'm sure he likes to see his grandparents!

Good luck, stay strong, enjoy your son!

Answer 3

This happened to my mother when my siblings & i were younger My parents were going through a very ugly break up Unfortunately, she didnt do what you did & have someone watch us when she was unstable We watched her sleep away most of the day & tell us awful things. This didnt last my entire childhood, but it lasted long enough for it to be detrimental to us. Now as an adult i cannot imagine how she did that to us, and though i forgive her I still believe as a responsible adult she should have safely put us in the care of someone more capable and gotten herself together. You absoloutely did the right thing This bout of depression wont last forever, but the scars you may have left on him from keeping him in an enviornment like that would have

Feel better, get counseling if you need it Things get so much better. :)

Answer 4

I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL, BECAUSE I HAD A MELT DOWN WHEN MY LITTLE GIRL WAS BORN AND THAT WAS OVER FOUR YEAR

AGO. MY PARENTS HAD TO TAKE HER TO THE SPECIAL HOME

SHE LIVES IN. WHEN I WAS OUT OF THE HOSPITAL I TRIED

MY BEST TO GO SEE HER AS MUCH AS I CAN. BECAUSE HER DADDY DOES NOT GO SEE HER. AND I KNOW IT HARD TO SEE

OR SPEND TIME WITH YOUR LITTLE BOY. ALL THAT COUNTS IS YOU LOVE AND CARE FOR HIM.  I MEAN IT HARD FOR ME TO GO SEE MY LITTLE GIRL, THESE DAYS BUT I STILL GO SEE HER WHEN I CAN AND CALL TO SEE HOW SHE DOING

SO IF YOU DON'T SPEND TIME WITH YOUR SON. A LEAST YOU CAN TRY CALL AND SEE HOW HE DOING. AND TELL WHOEVER IS SITTING HIM THAT YOU LOVE HIM VERY MUCH AND GIVE HIM A KISS FOR YOU. BECAUSE THAT WHAT MY PARENTS ASK ME TO DO SINCE THEY LIVE OUT OF STATE AND CAN'T SEE MY LITTLE GIRL.

GOOD LUCK !

Answer 5

You did the right thing, hon.

You demonstrated just how much you love your baby as well as how much you care for his well-being and safety when you let someone take care of him during a time you were not capable of doing so.

You showed that you were thinking of your son, even as you were experiencing some personal challenges.

You even considered the reduced time you have spent with him recently. You are a good mom.

All parents face challenges of one type or another, so you are not alone.

You did well. And it seems to me that you are a very good mom, who loves her little boy very much.

Meanwhile, whatever time you can spend with your baby is sufficient for the moment. I'm sure you will be with him more on the days you are up to it.

That said, if you are experiencing depression to such a degree that you feel he should be at your mom's or dad's, that's okay. Don't let it trouble you. Just have him at home as much as possible, when you are able.

I hope and pray that your depression will lift soon, so your baby can be at home with you all the time.

God bless you. † ♥

Answer 6

Stop beating yourself up.  I applaud you for realizing your poor mental state and that fact that in that condition you are not the best choice for taking care of your son.  You put his needs first.  Of course it is not the ideal situation, kids need stability but you are doing the best you can in less than ideal circumstances.  Keep working toward getting YOU in order so you can be the best mommy you can for both your sake and your son's.  If you need help, get it.

Answer 7

u did the right thing. think about getting on meds though. but you were completly right and should do it again if its comes to that. at that age they dont really notice, as long as everything else is good.

Answer 8

You are a wonderful mommy. Don't beat yourself up you did right by your baby. You took time out for your emotional well being and now your rested and ready to be with him. Every mom who isn't lying to themselves get depressed and need a break to refocus. I just hope if the depression starts up again you can see a professional for help. Good Luck

Answer 9

Everyone needs a break sometimes.  You are a better mom for letting him stay with family while you work through your problems then making him face them with you.  He is young and strong and will be just fine no matter what, just make sure you are fine too!  You did a good job mom, and I am sure he will thank you one day for being so good to him, plus all kids love staying at grandma and grandpas!!!

Answer 10

I don't think you're a bad mom at all! I think you're very lucky that you have such a great support system to help you out like that! I'm a single mom too and the only family I live near is my mother who rarely babysits so I've only had two 3 hour breaks away from my 5 year old since I had him! I'm not clinically diagnosed as suffering from depression but I can seriously relate to feeling like you just can't do it sometimes. I think it would be a bit odd if you lived like that forever but there is nothing wrong with family helping you and your son out when you're going through a rough patch. If you weren't a good mom you wouldn't even be concerned about how much time you're spending with him. Don't feel guilty, you're doing the best you can. Being a single mom is the toughest job in the world. =]

Answer 11

thats what family is for

Answer 12

You would have been a bad mother had you left him in your care in which you weren't capable of taking care of him.  What if something happened?  You did the right thing on allowing your parents to watch over him.  I would let them take him for a few more days just to make sure your back to normal.  As long as your parents understand which seems like they do...you will be fine.  Hope everything works out

Answer 13

Yes, you did the right thing by having your parents step in. Have you spoken to your Doctor or a Therapist about a possible reasons for the depression? Sometimes depression sufferers have no apparent reason for the depression but it can be managed with therapy and/or medication. Glad you are feeling more like yourself, your son will be fine. We all go through things in like and it's a blessing to have people that can lend a hand when in need. Good luck to you!