Not sure if I can be a daddy?

Question

I met my partner 7 months ago, she has a 2 year old child from a failed relationship.

Lately it has been getting more and more serious and she is saying that unless I am prepared to accept the kid as my own then she cannot stay with me.

I knew I would have to accept the kid one day, but it all feels a bit soon and the pressure is really getting to me, I'm not the greatest wannabe dad but do get on well with the kid.

What do i do?

Answer 1

it does sound like she's rushing you a bit.

You should explain to her that while you love her and her child, you can't make yourself 'accept the child as your own', it will come to you when you're ready. Tell her that putting the pressure on only pushes you further away from them.

If she can't accept that, then maybe she isn't right for you.  

Answer 2

If you care about her, you accept the baby. The kid knows you aren't their daddy, but If you care about the women then I say take the step and see how it goes. If you feel weird about the situation talk to her about the problem. If your committed there shouldn't be any problems.

Answer 3

It is true that you have to accept the child. You don't need to play daddy unless you plan to stay with her long- term or marry her. You can accept the child, but not neccesarily play dad. You need to tell her this and have a honest conversation about your feelings.  

Answer 4

As a single mother of an 18 month old son I completely understand where she is coming from, and although the relationship is very serious, it is still such a short time for you to accept such a big responsibility and she needs to see that.  It sounds to me you are more than willing to be daddy and hubby, but it also seems to me it is all to soon for you to even comprehend that acceptance.  You need to tell her how you feel about the situation.  Tell her you love her and her child and are more than willing to accept him and take the responsibility, but the pressure she is giving you is a concern to you.  Tell her you need your own time to accept these things and the pressure is pushing you away.  Let her know with your own time you are willing to do this, but not under pressure.  7 months is a very short time to be willing to accept anything.  Not to mention, it is not healthy for her child to push you to accept him.  7 months is too soon to make up your mind; and what if it turns out your relationship doesn't work out and you have accepted the child and the child has accepted you?  Then the relationship fails and he is torn away from yet another daddy.  These things take time and she needs to know that.  Tell her these concerns you have and let her know how you feel.  If she cannot accept that, then sorry to say maybe she isn't the one or maybe she will learn too late that she was wrong.

Answer 5

Its sounds as though this is happening all to quickly, after all when you plan for a family its normally after marriage, however try not to forget to take the childs emotions into consideration, as this could emotionally scar the child, I would not be keen on been given an ultamatum so soon, if you get on with her child, then just see how the rest of the year pans out, there are lots of issues to consider, is the childs father still in contact, how long ago did she split with her ex, is there still friendship between them, good luck

Answer 6

That is a bit extreme...accept the kid as your own, it isnt yours and nothing will change that.

Im a single mum but id never ask someone to accept the child as their own! Its just silly! My child has her father who is her biological father and she will know this when shes older.

The fact she wants you to accept the child as your own seems very desperate and far fetched. What is wrong with you just getting on with the child and being there for her as a boyfriend?

As long as you get on with the child and our close to them I see no problem. You need to tell her this and what exactly does she want you do by "accepting the child as your own"

ANyway my advice is its a good idea to work at this relationship. In the future you'll too become a dad to your own child so its good experience but she should not be pressuring you!

Answer 7

She should be accepting that this is not your child! You two have only been together 7 months. It sounds almost like she is looking for a replacement Daddy. I understand that you should be able to love the child but for her to expect you to jump in right away is a little too much pressure.

Answer 8

you dont have to accept the kid yet

my mom and dad spilt when I was two

and when I was four, mom hooked up with stepdad

he didnt acept us as family until a few years later

i didnt accept him until I was 12

when he proposed to her

so she forcing you to this

is a way of finding a new daddy

and not of truly loving the kid