Not sure my wife loves me any more.?

Question

I'm starting to get concerned that my wife doesn't have feeling for me anymore. We've been married for 17 years and have four kids from our marriage. About a year ago my wife had a good friend that she had been talking to long distant. We'll they would talk 15-20 times a day through phone calls, texting, and emails. It got to a point were it started getting in the way of our relationship. Our kids even started to notice how much they were talking. We'll this got to a point were they started requesting special trips to see each other with no one else. Long story short they finally called off their Friend ship to focus more on their families. It's now been about 4 months and my wife is now moving further and further away from me. She know longer wants to touch me, kiss me, or be around me. It really hurts! She sleeps allot and isn't eating much. She knows she hurting me and she feels bad but she doesn't know how to pull herself out of her depression. It's really starting to effect our family as well as our relationship. I'm really at a loss. I'm running out of energy, I'm the only one running the family and the hurt of watching her is killing me. Any advise would be greatly appreciated.

Sorry for the long post.

Answer 1

Well, as you can see the guilt and hurt that she has caused has sent her into a depression which may require counseling. Who called off the friendship first? If it was him then she is feeling really bad, and all she seems to want now is him.  That is really a sad thing to have happen to a family.  I wonder how the " friend's" wife and family are dealing with the infidelity too.  No doubt, trust is going to be an ongoing issue for both families.  Maybe you could hook up with your wife's " friend's" wife..

Answer 2

Milo, this might hurt. The female friend was a cover up for an affair.

Answer 3

sit down with her without the kids and discuss your concerns with her in a loving way. ask her to do the same. if she is depressed this may be a medical problem. the nutrtional supplements that i have read that work very well is biliqual b12 (www.trivita.com) and omega-3 supplements(www.mercola.com). stay away from the meds

Answer 4

Did you try Marriage Therapy? It could help. I would give that a shot first. If it doesn't work out, then you may need to start thinking about going separate paths. She's seems to be completly out of it and may already have her mind set on a different path herself.

Answer 5

In the beginning of your post you wrote that you are getting concerned that your wife does not have feelings for you anymore.  When your wife began talking to her female friend a year ago, was your marriage just fine then?  I simply do not think this has anything to do with your wife losing feelings for you - but maybe she has for her friend and this friend was her link to the outside world, you know, no kid talk, etc.  Now the ocassional trips that probably relieved her stress, and the real friendship bond that was outside of her family world, is now gone.  She is obviously suffering the loss and is somewhat depressed.  She should see her doctor.  My advice to you is to talk calmly with her, let her know you are still there and want to help.  I can tell you that as a married female with a grown child and one grandchild, and one stepchild, I treasure my friendship with a woman.  We can talk thiings out and make each other feel so alive and intelligent again.   We are more in those moments then just the cook, Mom and wife.  Give her time on the couch, bring her some soup and be her friend now.  Remind her that they do not have to severe their friendship completely - there is e-mail, etc.  

Answer 6

i am in a situaitiopn similar without the special friend and am in the long process of trying 2 figure it out and figure it is going to end in divorce i still love my wife but i am not going to keep up just one end for much longer  

Answer 7

Sometimes when one is going through depression it can appear that they just don't care anymore. So I think the depression is just masking her feelings right now. Maybe the way that her friend and her cut all ties wasn't the best thing for the relationship.Why couldn't they just limit there time on the phone, etc? It seems like that might be where the depression started. Just an idea.

The spot you are in is a tough one. Would she be willing to go to therapy? Even marital therapy? It would really help if she would. If you tell her how concerned you are about her and about the relationship, maybe she would give it a try. If not, make an appointment with a clinical psychologist and go over some of these things with him/her and see what sort of advice they have to help either get her into therapy or maybe they could advise you on how to handle this situation. So sorry for what you are going through and hope things improve for the both of you.

Answer 8

she needs to go see a doctor and get treated for her depression......

Answer 9

You don't "pull yourself out of" depression. You get treatment. That's where she needs to be. If she won't go, you go to your family doctor, so you can better understand what you're dealing with. She shows nearly the whole list of signs of clinical depression. It's a killer when it's not treated.  

Answer 10

Go see a therapist together. Try and surprise her with something like make her dinner, random flowers... something that will put at least a smile on her face for a second. I really suggest marriage marriage counseling though because you already have four kids... I don't think you have enough time to try and solve this on your own and at the same time take care of your children.

Answer 11

So was this "good friend" a man or a woman?  Sounds like this friend is/was a man...and that she got too emotionally involved with him....Your wife is dire need of a psychiatrist right now....She is very depressed!

It is still possilbe that she developed feelings for this woman...and has become depressed over their break up of their relationship....She really needs medical intervention immediately....I hope the best for your marriage...don't give up on her just yet.....