Not sure what to do!?

Question

My partner and i have been on/off for 4 years now. He suffers with depression and has times in his life when he needs to be on his own to deal with pressures in his life. He is now having space and its been nearly 6 weeks now although its 3 weeks since we last spoke. I dont know what im supposed to do now as i want to be there for him to support him but if this relationship is going to be a continuous "no go" area, im not sure if i should stick around. I understand that if he is suffering with his depression right now, his thoughts will not be on our relationship but i also want to see the bigger picture and not take it personally if its the depression thats causing him to question our relationship.

When he is ok, we are good together and we couldnt be happier. He is there for me and its fantastic normally but if he is pushing me away, should i move on or stick around for him. I know he is feeling overwhelmed at the moment which gives me the impression that once the dark clouds have disappeard, all will be well again. He is a good person and wouldnt intentionally hurt me and has been there for me 100% when i was seriously ill too. I dont want to give up on him but would appreciate some genuine responses to my question as im feeling that my hands are tied!!

Answer 1

Consider sticking with him for now. He has helped you before, and it seems you have a full and clear picture of what's all going on. That said, keep a few things in mind. You do not strike me as being in the least bit the fair weather friend. You're paying your dues. So do not feel guilty for merely realizing the possibility that this situation may go on and on and on. He may in fact attempt to use guilt as a way to keep you, even as he can't or won't muster the strength to heal himself. I'm not much for platitudes but the co-dependent thing is so, so true. People with various problems tend to hold everyone around them in limbo on their promise that things are going to change. It strikes me that he hasn't talked to you in so long. You'll know if it gets to be time to move on. It's when you realize that someone's self-absorbed carelessness is ticking away the clock on your life.  

Answer 2

I was in a similar situation. My ex boyfriend was adopted and he was having difficulties dealing w/ his issues from his previous family. It caused him to act out and there would be times where we wouldn't see each other for weeks because he had gotten himself into trouble. All I can say is when he is okay, have a good talk with him. Ask him if he still feels the same way for you as you do for him. You can tell him that until he feels that you can be together again, you can always be there for him just as a source of comfort (not friends w/ benefits or anything like that) but as someone he can always talk to and when the time is right you can be a couple again. I still talk to my ex-boyfriend and help him with all the problems he still carries with him. We know that when he can finally deal with his past, we'll be together again. Hope this helps! =]

Answer 3

the next time you can, talk to him. have a real good long talk with him about if he still likes you or not . say to him that your still interested with him, but your feelings are mixed up at the moment and your not sure what he feels towards you.

hope that helps (: x

Answer 4

Is your partner currently getting any professional help for his depression such as seeing a doctor or psychologist? If he isn't I would actually suggest that he and yourself go and see someone and discuss the problem and ways that you can manage your relationship around it as it isn't just him that his depression is affecting.

The other thing is to try and figure out what triggers these bad phases so that you can attempt to prevent them.

There is also the option of not letting him push you away. Keep yourself around him even when he is in a bad phase this may help him to snap out of it quicker or open him up to the idea of you helping him.

Answer 5

Are you 100% sure he isn't spending time with someone else when he is telling you he needs his space?  If you are sure that he is being sincere with you, and you want to be there for him when he needs you to be, then keep doing what you are doing.  If you ask him if you have anything to do with his depression, he may feel you are invading his space.  Is he seeing a therapist to help him through the hard times?  When you feel he is pushing you away, just go, don't call or see him unless he calls you first.  Your hands are tied when it comes to what he feels is best for him when he is in one of his moods.  As long as he knows you are there for him when he needs you, and you are, then he will call you when he is ready.