Not sure what to say to this one....

Question

My daughter is 13. She had a boyfriend for about 3 months now. They've been going to the mall, movies, ice skating, lazer tag, arcade, etc. Both in groups, with a couple people, and just the 2 of them. I always make it a point to discuss it with her, and she siad she isn't interested in s*x or anything.He has to watch his twins sister (Ithey are 5) and since she has so many siblings (I have 5 kids) he wants her to come help her. She asked me and I told her I would have to think about it. They are both good kids, but obviously, good kids make mistakes too. I'm unsure how to handle this one. My daughter said that her boyfriend said that she could bring a friend or two, and he would do the same. Then they could all hang out after the kids go to bed. So should I let her go? I'm a little worried, but I've got to start sometime.

Answer 1

i have 3 kids, 2 going on 13 and one that is 8. i personally wouldn't let her go. going out in groups is ok to the movies and public enviroments, but babysitting with no parental supervision i couldn't do. you have to set a limit somewhere. yeah, you might trust her and him, but if you start allowing her to be in this kind of situation when she is this young, 13, what will happen after she has done it over and over at the age of 15? i would give her something to look foward to. my daughter isn't allowed to go anywhere with boys unless there is groups of people , adults included. she is a very good girl and hasn't given me any problems yet. however , good girls can have  slips in their judgement, and i beleive it is my job to keep her out of situations that i don't think she can handle yet-this would be one of them. i honestly, as a mother, do not think she would be able to handle telling him no if he wanted to take it furthur, after all, according to them they have "been together" a whole 3 months!!

Answer 2

13 is way too young to have a boyfriend. I think you shouldn't have a boyfriend/girlfriend until you are 16. I would definitely not let her go.

Answer 3

13 is too young for a boyfriend in my opinion. And definitely to young for "just the two of them" situations. I would not let her go, you are giving her way too much freedom in my opinion. Just because she says she is not interested in s*x, does not mean she wont suddenly become interested in it.

The sometime you have got to start is at 16, not 13.

Answer 4

i think you should let, her because if you dont she might think oyu dont trust her and she could become rebeliouse and thats even worse :/

Answer 5

I think 13 is too young.  Even if she's telling you she is not interested in s*x - I'm sure her boyfriend is - and you're putting her in a position where she could be pressured if you allow her to go.  Even if friends are there.... still not good.  I wouldn't allow it.

Answer 6

no 13 is too young. even if she does promise.. there is still peer pressure and at this age she is naive. she may mean what she says but when shes in the situation it may be a different case.

Answer 7

i promised my mom i wouldnt have s*x till i was 16, when i was 14. i kept my promise. if you have a good relationship with her, ask her to promise that much. if shes a good kid, she'll wait at least that long.

Answer 8

I wouldn't let her go.  I'd simply state that you already established the rules: public places only.  The fact their friends are going too is no reassurance - that's basically a party without the noise.  She's too young and I'm sure a huge percentage of parents whose teens get pregnant thought it could never happen to their child too.  But you know that this is the start of a lot of similar requests of course.  So do you know what she knows about s*x?  Promising never to have it is great, but if she ever decides she's more in love with him than in love with keeping promises she made to mum, then it won't help her.  What will help her is knowing the risks, precautions, consequences in ways that make it more than just head-knowledge.  My day is coming as a mother, I sympathize.

edit: yeah Gaia, I had s*x in those places too - don't you think if there was a warm cosy comfy house I'd have opted for that?  Also, I didn't do it in broad daylight behind the shops - it was dark, late and isolated.  Sure, if there's a will there's a way - but you don't actively make it easy on them by providing somewhere!  And I was 17+, this is a 13 year old child - who no doubt has a curfew that prevents her from staying out in the dark in shady areas.  You don't let your 13 year old go stay at her boyfriends when his paretns are gone and not expect an increased chance of sexual activity.  Either you accept that it probably will happen, or try to control the situation from happening until you feel she's ready.

Answer 9

It sounds like you have a great, open relationship with your daughter.  I'm guessing she wouldn't mind a discussion before hand.  If it was me, I would probably lay out the possibilities and the potential dangers (even though she already knows them), and tell her you don't want to put her in an uncomfortable position.  If SHE feels that she can make the right choice, and keep herself safe (I would address this as a safety issue, at this point, because a pregnancy or STD at her age could do some serious bodily harm), and if you believe that she understands the possibilities, and knows how to keep herself safe, then I think it would be fine.

Especially if they have friends over.  :-)  (Extra added safety measure.)

ETA:  I have to say, to those who say it's ok for her to go on dates, but not be "alone" at a house...I had s*x in parks behind shrubs, behind a mall (in a service area), and in other "public" places you wouldn't even think of.  But you DO think of those things if you really want to have s*x.  It makes no difference if there are 4 walls containing them or not.  If they don't want to have s*x, they won't.  And if they do, they will, period.  The important thing is whether or not she can keep herself safe, wherever she is.

Answer 10

Are you crazy??  She is THIRTEEN!!  I would NOT let her go and be alone in a house with a boy...and yes, having "friends" over is basically being alone...but WORSE, because of the peer pressure!

Answer 11

I would let her go...just make sure she has a condom with her. Better safe than sorry!

Answer 12

Please do not let your child go over there. You said it yourself. They could hang out after the kids go to bed. That is alone. If your daighter came to you and said mom can I go to his house at 7:00 in the evening and no one will be home what would you say. That is too much. Going on a date is a different story but letting her go to his house. And she might not be interested in s*x right now but what if she becomes interested in it sitting his house alone.

Answer 13

no no no no!!