Not very informed about adoption process?

Question

my husband and i are trying to get pregnant :) its been a year, and even though thats not that long i am already anxious and thinking the worst. he and i have talked about adopting children if we cant have any, but im worried. ive heard that it takes a long time to be given a child, ive also heard that its difficult to find a young child (baby) that is available. basically what i mean is if we try for the next few years and i dont get pregnant, im scared that well be waiting forever. so can someone tell me what you have to do to adopt, about how much it costs, and about how long the process takes before you are actually given a baby?? or any info you think helpful

Answer 1

I would suggest talking to a reputable adoption agency in your area.  One of the common myths about adoption is that you have to wait so long for an infant.  The reality is that it depends on the type of adoption you are willing to do.  If you find someone with an infant that you can adopt privately, the process is not as long as if you are waiting for an agency to "match" you.  However, foster adopt is also an option and there are so many children in the foster system that your wait would be minimal once you pass the necessary screenings.  

Good luck to you.  I've been down the road of trying to get pregnant and realizing that the only way we could have a family was thru adoption.  It does play on your mind - just remember to take time for you and your husband.  :)

Answer 2

Hey sistah...been there, done that!  :)  I totally know what you're going through. Our infertility treatments were unsuccessful so we ended up adopting and it was the greatest thing that ever happened to us! It's quite possible that 'your' child was just born to a different mother, that's all. Anyway, we got on the adoption list in L.A. County before we completed infertility treatments because I wanted a back up in case the treatments didn't work. One private agency we considered wouldn't take us because we wouldn't sign an affadavit stating we were not undergoing infertility treatment. I think they wanted to be sure we wouldn't get pregnant and then back out of a possible adoption. That's why we went with DCFS. From the date we contacted DCFS to the day we brought our son home was 21 months. It could have gone more quickly but we were a little slow turning in our paperwork. Of course, it all ended up perfectly because we got just the right child for us!

If you go through your local Department of Children and Family Services, the cost for adoption is minimal. It will be limited to paying for your fingerprinting and making xerox copies of tax forms, etc. With DCFS, you are not as likely to adopt an infant unless s/he is part of a sibling group and you must take ALL of the siblings. In private adoption, the costs are high but they deal with infants.

I wanted an infant and got a 2-1/2 year old. At first it was difficult because I felt like I missed out on his first years. I've gotten over it. My son is now 6-1/2 and I barely remember that I didn't have him as a baby! Besides, there were no 2 a.m. feedings and only a few months of dirty diapers!   :)

Answer 3

The time depends on whether the parents will try to get the child back or not.  If they don't then it could go pretty fast, but if they do it might take a while.  My aunt adopted a boy after he was born with drugs in his system and the parents tried to get him back and it took them over a year and a half to finalize the adoption.  But then the lady got pregnant again and had another boy and didn't try to get this one back so it only took like 10 months.  Good luck.

Answer 4

Your best bet is to call some adoption agencies in your area and ask them to send you information packets.  Policies, costs, and time frames vary greatly depending on where you live and the laws in your state.  Don't send money before they send you information.

Answer 5

it's a long answwer and i'm not sure how much i'll end up writing. I went through infertility treatments and adoption and it is very difficult and long and emotionally and physically draining on you and your husband. it was the hardest time in my life. i now have 3 children and it's all behind me but it was not an easy time. one thing that is true about adoption is that whatever time or money it takes, eventually you do end up with a baby. and that's not necessarily true at all with infertility treatments. i did the treatments until there came a point (not very lo0ng -- everyone is different) where i knew that i couldn't do it anymore. i wanted a baby very desperately and it felt like an impossible situation. I started looking into adoption during my last treatment, even though the adoption agency i used said you couldn't do that. I wanted to try treatment one more time but, i knew i would fall apart if i didn't get pregnant or have an alternative already in place. also spouses tend to be in very different places when it comes to adoption and clearly it is important to get to the point where you both know you want to pursue adoption before you actually do. but it can be very difficult on a marriage and hard for the couple to support each other in taking their own time.

adoption options vary tremendously and some depends on what state you live in, how much money you have to pay for the adoption, how much time you have, and how young a baby you want. we looked into international adoption but, the primary reason we did not choose it was that i really wanted a newborn. i don't know of any international adoptions where you can get a newborn baby. depending on the country, you may be able to get a baby as young as 4 - 6 months old but, that's about as young as i've heard of. With many countries, the child will be closer to a yr or 2 yrs old. The cost varies a lot too and most people think international adoption is cheaper but, my experience in the research (12 yrs ago) was that the cost was pretty comparable to domestic adoption. the time you ahve to wait varies too -- i don't think less than a year's wait is likely but somewhere between one and two years is about average. you can have some influence on how long it takes by how quickly you do what is necessary on your part. it ends up being a very emotional process and can take longer than you might expect to go through the process. depending on the state you live in, there are generally two main options for domestic adoption -- independent adoption or using an agency. I think some states don't allow independent adoption -- which means that you hire a lawyer on your own and find a birthmother (thorugh the internet generally) and you work together to have the adoption happen. there are risks in this -- emotional and financial. the birthmother (this might vary by state as well) has the right to ask you to give her money to cover pregancy and birth expenses and then she has absolutely no obligation to let you adopt her baby and will owe you nothing. she can only decide whether to give her child up for adoption once it has been born and you are left waiting until then. if you use an agency -- which generally charges a lot more-- you may be on safer ground. the agency i used charged close to $50,000 but, that meant that i only paid that fee once and no matter what happened to any specific birthmother and her process of giving up her baby, I was going to get a baby for that payment.

i can also really relate to your anxiety about wanting a baby soon and not wanting to wait so long. I went through a really hard time wanting to have the baby yesterday and knowing that it was still going to take so long and it really wreaked havoc with my sense of timing and control. i don't know how old you are or what your circumstances are that make you want to have the baby now and not have to wait years but, if you do try adoption, you will get a baby.

good luck

Answer 6

hey. im only 13 but i think i can help. my parents started adopting a baby girl from China about a year and a half ago. my parents couldn't get pregnat and had two misscarages. China adoption used to be extreamly fast (a year tops) but now so many people have started adopting from China that they can't find enough babies. If I were you. i would refrain from domestic adoption because of the fact that the birth parents can take your child away from you. International adoption is best because you know absolutley NOTHING about the birthparents. (In China 95% of the 2 million orphans are girls and are abandond because of "One child policy") if you are intrested in adopting internationally and you want a small newborn baby Guatemala is the way to go, but the two most needed to be adopted from countries are Ethopia and China. But, i understand that some people just aren't called to adopt internationally so domestic adoption may be right for you and your husband. If you have a strong love for children you may want to consider being a foster parent, because you have time to bond and decide if you may want to adopt that child and it only cost $10. No lie. I would love to talk to you, but i can't because my mom needs help because after we were about a year into the China adoption process she found out she was pregnat so now we will have two children around the same age. lucky big sister. :) (funny the way God blesses us)