Noticing major changes with my 12 yr. old step-daughter.?

Question

My step-daughter lives with her Father & I and our 22 month old daughter. Up until Christmas break she was getting wonderful grades (her normal). Since Christmas breaks her grades are steadily dropping and she is getting her school passport signed a lot for not getting her homework done. She managed to get it filled (6 signatures) in 12 days. When previously it was only signed once for the first half of the school year.

She is also showing some resentment towards me. Everything I say or ask her to do is answered with "spite". We used to have a great relationship, but it is going down hill fast. I have backed off from a lot of it and left her Father in charge. If there is a problem I let him know so he can deal with it, unless it requires immediate attention.

Is this normal or do you think something could be going on with her? I know she is extremely hormonal at this age, like we all were. Do you think it will pass?

Answer 1

My 12 y/o step son is the same way with all the spite c**p. but he never got good grades.

no matter what i say to him. no matter how many times i ask him to get his chores, homework, whatever... he doesnt listen to me. the only time he does listen is if his friend is outside and wants to play. then he does a crappy job on what ever he has to get done. i talk to his dad about it and i get nothing in return. his dad doesnt even tell him he needs to do what i ask. it pisses me right off! His dad wot even raise his voice or get on him. he's just like "i love you man" and i know its because he doesnt want his son to say he wants to go live with his mom. but he already asked his mom if he could live with her and she said no. its just all apart of being a step parent.

***Edit, bribery is not the key here. If you say that when they get a good grade you will give them a gift, that only makes them do their stuff for a gift. not because they want to. and thats what you need to get across to the kids. homework and schoolwork is important because without an education, you will be nothing. they need to learn to take pride in themselves and their abilities. and if you take her shopping everytime she copps an attitude with you, whe will have an attitude more than usual. just to go shopping.

Answer 2

How about spending some girl time with her? Go shopping together or to a girly movie. She is becoming an adolescent and that will be trying but you need to build some strong bonds.

Answer 3

haha, lol i'm 12 too!  =]]

umm.. I think that she is

falling behind from something

that is going on in school.  My

grades dropped too and it was

because I was distracted by the

social oobers behind and next to me

in class.  Ask her what's up and I doubt

you will get that answer.  Take her shopping

or something, (if she likes that).  And say,

"If you get an A, or B, you will get something big."  Idk anything else lmao.

E-mail me if you have any.. questions on how to deal with something or w/e.

Good lucky!  =\  you'll need it lots.

Answer 4

I taught grade 6 for a long time and I can tell you that this is perfectly normal. The other grade 6 teachers and I always used to prepare for the after Christmas hormones. The whole class is full of sweet children in September, but they are monsters come spring. It's normal. Keep being consistent, honest and try not to take it personally. It is totally normal and you are right to let her father do the disciplining at this stage.

Check out this book, as it is great and helpful:

http://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will...

I recomment it to parents of my students. Good luck! it is a tough stage and it will only get harder through early high school, but show her love and patience, and it will pay off in the end.

Answer 5

my guess is that she is just transitioning into the rebellious teenager stage, it will pass with time.....its just part of growing up.....

Answer 6

hormones dont cause such a change in getting homework done. I have a 14 year old. You searched her room for anything? hiding spots?, just curious,,,, Back in the day I was doing drugs at 12.  and no matter how wonderful you think your child might be, none are immune to peer pressure. Somethings different. check it out, investigate, new friends? loss of friends? ask around.

Good luck

Answer 7

i have a 16  and 13 year old girls stay up in her business and always keep track of everything espically school sounds like something going on at school find out let her know you will always be on her side and if she is with you she is yours.and only be tough when you truly have to girls really need moms and if she is pmsing tell daddy and you leave her alone and let her know truth on everything never to young for nothing

Answer 8

Some of it is most likely hormones, as you suggested.

Some may also be sibling rivalry with her little sister, who is probably adorable and loveable and demanding of attention.

But maybe some of it is also instigated by her mother.  What kind of a relationship does her mom have with your husband?  Is it antagonistic?  If her mom is badmouthing you to her, she may feel torn between her friendship for you and her relationship with her mom.   You may want to have a conversation with her about this.  Talk to your husband about it as well.

Answer 9

this sounds kinda like how i was with my stepmother when i was 12. maybe she is rebelling. try to talk with her...but not at home...bring her shopping at the mall. find out whats going on.

Answer 10

My friends sister is 12 and she used to be like the sweetest person ever. Except for this year, she turned into like a major brat. She has a bad attitude. I think it's just the age, because in like 7th grade I remember how all of the girls were and stuff. I'm in 9th now and they don't have that whiny, eye roll, attitude as much.

I think it might be the age.

Maybe somethings bothering her though? Try to talk to her, but I'm pretty sure a lot of it is just her being a twelve year old girl.

Goooooood luck :)

Answer 11

i think shes depressed i was like that for my first signs of depression

Answer 12

So, did you not go through puberty?  Because if you had you'd be able to recognize it in your step daughter.

Answer 13

I mean these signs can be indications of drugs use, depression, someone bullying her, or just hormones!  I'm really thinking the latter though.  Girls that age are difficult to deal with .

Answer 14

Maybe the stress of a toddler.Maybe you  2 can do something together just the 2 of you and have dad take care of the toddler.

While your out tell her you have looked forward to this and miss doing things with just her.

She may feel as though she is being replaced.

Answer 15

I have a 12 year old myself and went though a little bit of the same myself earlier this school year.  For my daughter it was mostly her getting used to the extra responsibilities that come with middle school.  My daughter didn't have to work hard to get straight A's and now in Middle school she is having more responsibilites really made a dent in her grades. Not to mention she was watching way too much tv! Now, she has to do all homework before she has any free time.  I would strongly suggest you not backing out of the picture on this.  That may be very well what is making this worse.  She may be testing you.  THis is very common with step-parents especially with a new sister who is not a baby anymore.  I would sit her down and tell her that you love her and want to be involved in her life as much as possible for the good and bad. When she doesn't listen I would explain to her that she doesn't have to love you but she does have to respect you as all you want is the best for her. (I tell my kids that same thing and I think it hits home a little) Good luck!

Answer 16

Sounds like you have a pre teen on your hands. You need to deal with the spite every time it happens...where has to come home from school sit down and DO ALL of her homework to your satisfaction and than she can continue with other activites!

Answer 17

Sounds like a 12 year old to me...I remember going through the same thing at that age.  My parents made a bigger deal out of it than they should have and I felt like anything I did was wrong, then went into a period of depression and have been in theory and on and off meds ever since (I'm 24 now) Just choose your battles wisely and try not to make her feel like she's done something wrong.