I have been having a terrible start of school, and now even when it is supposedly resolved, I am feeling so depressed, and indecisive. Yes, I know suicide does not resolve anything, and I am not seriously considering it, but sometimes I don't see where there are any other methods of resolution... Now, don't get me wrong here, I know there are other people in the world suffering much more than me, but I don't know what to do, and I need some sort of moral support, or advice... So, here is my problem:
In grade 6 we were given the opportunity to join the school grade 7 band, we were introduced to the idea, and given an orientation. Well, up until a certain point I was sure I wanted to join, and was even aware of the instrument I would play, but then the complications began... Just days before the applications were due, a form and rumors made their way around claiming they were going to put the boys and girls in separate classes, and the band class would be merged with an ESL, or special ED class. Well, I discussed this with my parents, and a friends who was facing the same problem, and we decided that it was not worth joining band if our work was going to be different from everyone else's, especially when we were relatively good students, so in the end her and I did not join band. Now, next year, in grade 7, I was put in a band class, albeit I was not signed up for band, and it also turned out that the band class was not with the ESL or special ED students, and the boys and girls were not separated into different classes, so in the end, I could have joined band! Anyway, since it was already too late to hand in my application, (next year), I had to go to an alternative music class, with the special ED students! The exact opposite of what was initially said to occur. Anyway, in the alternative class, I found another girl from my class, who was not in band, but also placed in a band class, so we became friends. Now, for the whole year, while the majority of our class played in the band during music class, (band practice), the alternative class had different assignments, one was to learn about different eras of music, dark ages... Anyway, at the end of the year, we were once again given the opportunity to join the grade 8 band. Now, we asked each other if we wanted to join, and considering what happened last year, and considering that everyone would know how to play already, and we would look like amateurs, we decided not to. Now, in grade 8, on the first day of school, I was once again placed in a band class, although I was not signed up for the program, and the next part is where the problems began.
On the first day of school, the day is typically non-eventful, meaning teachers usually spend the entire day discussing the school protocol with the class, as a reminder. Anyway, as I was at my desk, listening, (by the way my friends were in this class), the band teacher came to the door, and asked how many people in the class weren't in band, and in turn, there were only 2 (myself included). Respectively, she departed saying she would consult with the office, as to what was to be done with us, and she also asked if we wanted to join band. Well, I personally was not sure, I did not know what it was like, and to tell the truth, I was apprehensive about learning how to read music, not that I don't have a passion for it, I play piano by ear, and I have even composed a song, but I had no idea what it was like, and the thing is, I did ask the kids in my grade 7 class, what band was like, but the only answer I got was that it was great because the band teacher was awesome, (a very popular teacher). Anyway, when I asked about something else, they said they would get back to me, or they wanted to pursue a career involving music, (I considered this, but I didn't want to pursue a career in music, I am more for law myself...), and also, I couldn't say anything without asking my parents first, after all, it was $200.000. Anyway, I know I should have said something like, "I don't know," or "Can I get back to you?" But the entire class was watching me, and I couldn't think straight, and I assumed they would have me in another alternative music class, so I said "No". It turned out, they went to extremes, and removed me from my class, and put me in a new one. Well,. I suppose the new one wasn't bad, the teacher was very nice, at least, the homeroom one was, the history/geography teacher wanted us to finish the entire grade 8 curriculum in 6 months, (there are 9 months in school), and he believe the most important thing in and about school is, I quote, work, work, work, unquote. Anyway, (I know I have used this word a lot, but please bear with me), so in this new class I have only one friend, who is friends with the ones whose class I left, and I sit very far from her. So, what happened was there is a guidance counselor in our school, and I spoke to him at recess regarding the class switch, and if I could have time to think abo
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