/OK been at this haiku/senryu's all night, Comments please!?

Question

Had to get this drilled in my head besides couldn't sleep till I got something working!! Honestly comment please!

haiku all night

thinking

it is sinking in

aching derriere

sitting same place

much too long

books pencils and pens

writings

torn papers scattered

Ok there it is I am sure you all can relate! One question couldn't find the answer(probably just tired) are the word in haiku not capitalized even at the begining? Talking about the first word you start the sentence with!! Ok will check comments in a few hours-morning already whew! Getting some sleep now!

Answer 1

I honestly liked it.  Something about "haiku all night" is just extremely charming and unique as an opening line.  The rest of the senryus (none of these are haikus) perpetuate the flustered yet whimsical voice of the first line.  The only major thing I would change if I were writing them is that I don't feel the final senryu has enough of an edge to it (if they're to be read as a set).  For example, consider how one's impression of the 'point' changes when the second and third senryus are switched.  Neat, huh?! :)

Answer 2

Haiku all night?  You can write one but do you dance one?

Haiku's on my mind

papers, pens, morning, no sleep

now my "rear" end sore!

Haiku's on my mind

and my derriere says no

sleep is calling now

Haiku's on my mind

and on my pillow now too

d**n, it comforts not!

Answer 3

Thing about haikus

The count is 5-7-5

But do not worry

A Maltese Breeder

Will definitely master

This kind of poem

Please do sleep tight

Do not let the bed bugs bite

A Haiku filled night

Answer 4

I'm learning with you. Thanks for the helpful comments, especially KOB.  Here's my first haiku. Hope I got it. 5-7-5. Not being critical, but careful. I only count 4 in KOB 1st line 3rd verse. Like I said though,  I'm just learning.

baby elephant

snorted water out his trunk

brought big crowds running