OK guys...this honest question needs an honest answer?

Question

I've been married for 15 years. I'm almost 40 and we have 3 daughters. I would like an HONEST response to this no matter what.

I am an active woman. I workout regularly and take a lot of pride in the fact that I'm in good health and in good shape. I'm not extremely high maintenance on myself, but I do keep my hair cut and color up regularly, I keep my nails polished and well kept, I take good care of my skin, resulting in a nice complexion and minimal wrinkles and breakouts and in my opinion, I dress well and in the most up to date styles.

I take care of myself mainly for me, but I also do it to please my husband. I want him to see a well dressed, well maintained, in shape wife that he can be proud of. It's a little hurtful when I never get any comment at all!! I don't need a compliment every single day, but to be told I'm pretty once in a while would be nice.

So my question is this. Do guys just not notice these things in their wives? (Keep in mind I said "in their wives"...because I KNOW he notices other women who are dressed well and in shape, because he's made comments about them to me) Please be honest, because if wearing perfume and keeping my abs tight is no big deal to husbands, then I can save a lot of money on all of that.

Answer 1

Sometimes men just aren't very good at expressing themselves or they just don't realise that they need to. For example my husband never says he loves but I know he does, he's just not good at saying it.

I've no doubt that you're husband thinks you look good but probably doesn't understand the amount of effort you put in. I wouldn't worry about it too much. But understand this - the minute you let yourself go he'll be the first one to speak up.

Answer 2

well obviously since you said you could save alot of money on all that, you are not doing it for yourself, if you were doing it for yourself more than for your husband you would continue your normal routine.

Personally i think he does notice, but alot of guys dont share that kind of stuff, my guy on the other hand will tell me how beautiful i am whether in sweats, or when dressed up. Its funny most of the time when he says it im having a "fat" day!!

Answer 3

This is sad.  In this day and age when many wives/husbands simply let themselves go... you should be getting compliments, whistles, second looks, and continual flirting.  The fact that your husband does not do this show a complete lack of appreciation for you and your efforts.

I'm sorry for you.  And to answer your question... No we do not behave this way to our wives.  My wife is like you.  Early 40s, married 23 years, 4 kids.  Works out daily and plays sports.  She keeps herself looking young and thin.  And I let her know that I appreciate it, which only motivates her more.  A win win for both of us.

Answer 4

You sound like someone I would notice. Here's the trouble though. What you consider taking care of yourself, others may not see the same way. I have had people tell me that they go to the gym 4 times a week. But if you see them in the gym, they are standing around BS'ing with someone the whole time they are there. Not much of a work out.

But your point is about your husband. I don't know why men take for granite what they have. Most people do, men and women. He will notice someone who compares to you but won't notice you. Maybe because he has been with you 15 years. This is a big issue in a lot of marriages. You say you do all your up keep so you can look good for your husband. I doubt that is the main reason. I bet you do it because you like to be noticed by other men also. Mainly because your husband doesn't notice. To say you are just doing it so your husband will be proud of you is probably not the complete truth. This in my opinion is how a divorce comes about. I woman in your situation comes across a guy who tells her how great she looks and she loves that. Especially if she finds the guy attractive. Her husband never gives her that attention. Before you know it she is clinging to the guy who compliments her. Women seem to need this kind of attention more then men do.

Just for the record. I bet you look pretty d**n good.

Answer 5

i can only speak for myself i do notice, and do let her know.  but it does go both ways.

Answer 6

Have you told him how it makes you feel when he compliments you? Maybe he thinks you already know how he feels so he doesn't voice it. Do you compliment him also? If he receives compliments from you - it might make him realize how great it makes him feel and do the same for you.

The key is to do all the things you do ... for yourself. If/when he compliments you - that's just an added bonus.

Answer 7

personally i notice and i say things to her, and i think i notice because i do the same thing you do. I do what i can to look my best so she has a man to be proud of when we're out. She doesn't always say things as much as i will tell her, but i think it's because she doesn't feel i am the type to need the compliment, because staying in shape and healthy is a lot for me too, so that i feel good. You could say something to him about it, but you should do these things more for you than for him... especially if he isn't in top shape.

Answer 8

I feel your pain...the only time my husband tells me i look pretty (and really he doesnt actually say those words) is when I say "honey, do you think i look good in this?" and his answer is always "yeah" or "sure"....I learned to deal with it, even tho deep down it bothers me. But when you find your answer let me know!

Answer 9

I notice when my wife is dressed s**y and I very much appreciate the fact that she keeps herself in shape.  But I cannot speak for your husband.  Sometimes some men take for granted (some women to also) what they have and stop complimenting you on it.  But it sound like you don't stay in shape for him only, you do it for you...which you are to be commended for.  

Maybe ask him why he never compliments you any longer?  Sometimes he may just not realize that it is affecting you the way it is.  But by all means, stay in shape first and foremost for you and your health (both physically and mentally!) and communicate your feelings to him.

Answer 10

i bet he'd notice if you stopped all that to state your point

Answer 11

We notice, but we don't consistently tell you we notice.  It's not a reflection on you.  We greatly appreciate the effort!

Answer 12

Wow... you sound just like my wife, same years of marriage, age and style...  but we have boys.

I do notice.  Do I tell her as much as I should.  I know her answer would be no... and I could not argue with that.  I am really not a clothes/style kind of guy so this is not as important to me.  She keeps herself in great shape - similar situation as you I think,  not so much for me,  but more for her health.  Longevity is not great in her genes!   But I feel I also need to mention that although she has a great body which I am totally in to... she is the person I married for better or worse.  Yes,  i think i would have some internal issues to work thru if she gained significant weight, however, if she were to gain minimal weight I would never complain.  To me,  her physical attention towards me is more important than her own physical structure (within a limit :)

Answer 13

As you mentioned you are doing this for yourself,plus to keep him happy,when he praises some one else,he compares with you so you should be happy.on the other hand you migh also be getting special attantion from other guys which must be keeping your ego on seventh sky.So the things are best for every body ennjoy it.

Answer 14

No, they don't. I  have been married for only one year. When I do my hair different one day a dress nice. He asks me if I am going out with my girls. My husband tells me I am pretty in the morning when I have just woke up. I haven't took a shower or did my make up. Just do it for your self okay. There is nothing wrong with making your self happy.  

Answer 15

I tell my wife that she is pretty, s**y, or looks nice quite frequently. I notice if she looks good or if hair is nice. I make a tiger noise when i see her walking around in her undies, or when she bends over away from me,,,(I like butts) Some guys do not do this to their wives. We are in our 40's, wife is perimenopausel,,

To answer your question,,,, some guys do,,, some do not,,,if the guys are going to strip clubs, watching p**n on computer, their wives do not match up to these s***k women,,so they do not compliment them.  Us who do not do those things; see our wives as hot, s**y, pretty,,,& compliment them.

Be careful you are not conceited, it is a turn off,,,,

Answer 16

I think you should let him know how you feel. I know you want him to notice without you having to tell him. I really have no room to talk because I recently did the same thing. I didn't pay much attention, listen much, or notice little things she would do for me. I took her for granted and now she just wants to be friends. He just needs to be reminded that its also the little things you do to make him happy. Or maybe he thinks that you do these things for yourself to make you happy. Just ask him if he likes your new hair color, what he thinks about your nails. It maybe that he just loves you for you. No matter what you do to your physical self hes not going stop loving you and if he does than he never really loved you for you.

Answer 17

I would have to see some pics to be able to make a good assessment of the situation.

Answer 18

I don't know about all guys. Some notice it more than others; some express it more than others; it's hard to generalize. My husband doesn't seem to notice a lot of the external things; I recently got highlights in my hair (which I had never had before), and he didn't notice at all. He just thought that my hair looked the same (it doesn't). He kinda just doesn't see a lot of this stuff, he's in his own world - and it's perfectly fine with me. I really don't put much stock in verbal compliments; my ex-husband was full of compliments - always carrying on about how "beautiful" I was, how I was the "most beautiful woman in the room" and all this c**p. Yes, it feels nice - but at the end it made no difference as he walked out one day to be with someone else (not that it stopped him from giving me compliments - he'd still carry on about how "beautiful" I was, years after we were divorced). Maybe it's just my personal experience, but to me it kind of devalued compliments altogether. I got re-married 2 years ago, and my husband is a complete opposite - he is not verbally-oriented, but rather action-oriented; it's not his words, but his general attitude and the way he treats me and relates to me that makes me feel beautiful. I can't remember the last time he actually said something like "You look beautiful", but every day when I come home from work, he wants to sit down and talk to me and share what's happened during the day and ask me how my day was; this is what makes me feel beautiful and desirable - I don't miss the compliments and I hardly ever even think about it. Frankly, I wouldn't want to be with a guy who put a lot of stock in the external trappings like hair, nails and clothes; while I take pride in my appearance, I don't want the attraction to be based very heavily on that. What I consider my biggest assets cannot be seen by the eye, and this is what I prefer to be loved for.

Answer 19

It is a big deal.... BUT, he sees it every day. So it isn't anything new to him. You know what I mean? Have you talked to him about it?

I think probably the best way to get noticed would be to go out this afternoon (if you can that is) and pick up something new. So hot new dress and maybe a pair of heels. Then, go home and tell him he is taking you out tomorrow night. Then, tomorrow, come home... shower & get ready, but don't let him see you getting ready. Show him the end result.

I think it may have to do with seeing the process of it all. I know my husband never compliments me... BUT, on the days when I am up before he is and then he sees me ready, I get a "wow... you look great!" Then a huge hug and a kiss.... So, I think for my husband it is seeing the process and not JUST the end product.

Try it and see what happens. If it doesn't change anything, then open your mouth and ask him whats going on.