OMG What is my problem?

Question

Ok I am 3 weeks pregnant, I just found out for sure this morning I got my BFP! Yay right? But I have had this attitude with my husband for months. He doesnt take me out, or even show appreciation for the things I do. I rarely get compliments, and I already have horrible low self esteem. Well hes leaving for basic in a few weeks and I want to enjoy my time with him, but I suffer from insomnia alot. I usually get to sleep around 3 am and have to be up at 5:30. His alarm is set for 4, however he doesnt get up, instead he lets it go off for an entire hour and a half. I go puke because I have had so little sleep and my body is dying for it, and then try to go back to sleep on the couch, but generally cant. I have talked to him about it and today we are fighting. I just feel like c**p. I have gone through alot in my life. I had an ex 2 years ago that lied to me about alot of things, I got preggers from him, he left me, I miscarried. I have been raped 3x, and dated alot of COMPLETE a******s. I should be thankful for the man I have, but sometimes I feel like I want him to treat me like Im worth something. Like make a date on his own, with out me planning it, maybe some flowers would be nice, he doesnt have to buy anything, I just need to know he thinks of me. Our last date he planned was valentines day. It was awesome, but I could really use a pick me up. I feel like c**p, I get mad at him when he just does dumb man things and when I talk to him he just cant understand for some reason... WHAT IS MY PROBLEM? I am always so angry? I am trying to calm down now since I am preggers and he is leaving? But I want to feel like he'll miss me, and values me?

Answer 1

ok first off you need to go to the doc and tell  him about your medical problems.  just becauase you are preg. doesnt mean that the doc wont be able to help you sleep.  you are going to need your sleep expec.  being preg.  If you go to the doc and get help then this will make you alot less moody and much happier.  you and your husband will get along so much better.

Answer 2

i'll tell you EXACTLY what to do ok? sit him down in front of your computer and let him read what you've written here word for word. then ask him what he thinks. you should get a pretty honest response. what you've written here is exactly what you should be saying to him. try it, see if it works.  good luck.

Answer 3

seen this problem once.....on the jerry springer show  :  )

Answer 4

I am sorry you had a rough past.  Those things sound horrible and it is obvious why you have self-esteem issues.  But, your insecurities make it hard to get close to you for real.  He may be feeling distant from you as well.  The important thing is to stop arguing and begging for attention and have a nice dinner or something to discuss things.  Plan out what your needs are and what you would like from him.  Then approach him in a non angry non aggressive way.  You have a desire for his attention which is great, but what is his desire?  You both have to meet in the middle.

Answer 5

bum fights need i say more.

Answer 6

Have you tried seeking professional counseling, or maybe there is a minister (or whomever based on any religious affiliation) you can speak to?  Your husband is military, so there are a lot of services available.  If you're not comfortable with a military person there are plenty of people who work in the civilian sector.

I think that talking to an empathetic trained professional would be helpful in getting your emotions sorted out.  Insomnia is not good or healthy for you.  It creates a lot of stress.  It's also not good for your unborn child.  Remember that a baby in the womb absorbs and experiences what the mother does.  

Counsel would be good for sorting your issues, and perhaps help in learning how to communicate some of these fears and concerns with your husband.  It doesn't sound like he's a jerk and he treats you okay.  Keep in mind that he's an individual with his own personality just as you have yours.  He isn't always going to be able to express himself the way you want him to.  But if you're comfortable in doing so, try and let him know what little extras you're looking for in your relationship.  But do this in a compassionate way or else you'll put him on the defensive.  Try to use "I" statements rather than "you".  For example: "Honey, we haven't been on a date together in such a long time.  Remember we had such a good time the last date we were on?  I really enjoy and appreciate when you make a plan and take me out.  It makes me feel _______ (special? appreciated? loved?)."

And if he hears you and takes you out on a date, do not criticize him if it's not the date you wanted!  Just appreciate his effort.  Appreciate that he at least listened to you and tried.  Then I'm sure there will be more dates and flowers down the road.