OR Am I Just That Girl??

Question

OR Am I Just, That Girl

I am that girl, who’s loud,

I am that girl, who’s fun,

I am that girl, who’s talkative,

Am I that girl, who’s kind,

Am I that girl, who’s there,

Am I that girl, who’s listening,

Or am I just, that girl.

What do people see me as,

What will they say,

What do people think of me,

What will they say,

What do people need me for,

What will they say,

Or am I just, that girl.

Will I be remembered,

In five years time from now,

Will I be remembered,

For what I do or say,

Will I be remembered,

One day when I am gone,

Or am I just, that girl.

PLEASE review this poem..what do you think about its simplicity?

Answer 1

its nice, keep it free style, or it will look like you don't know what you are doing- that not an insult, it just that i think this particular poem is more legitimate without rhymes.

what will Make or Break this poem is the rythm which with you read it out loud, so practice before performing it.

the repetition gives it good rythm, adding Assonance  (repetition of vowel sounds) or Alliteration (repetition of the first consonant sound) can help intensify the beat.

but most of all, KEEP WRITING, it frees the soul and frees the world. ^_^

Answer 2

I like it, but I would put some rhyming in it. this could be a really bad idea, but please think about it.

Pinkie

x

Answer 3

The switch from 'I am' to 'Am I' is strange and you don't use question marks where you need to.

That said, it is okay, if not a little irritating with a large amount of repetition.

Answer 4

I do like what your poem is saying, it is simplistic and to the point and I think a lot of young girls and women could identify with it.

I want point out that your comma usage in the first set of lines - I am that girl, who’s loud,. You really don't need that first comma in these lines. It could simply read: I am that girl who's loud,...  all of the lines could mirror this pattern. But by eliminating these comma's I realize "that girl" will not be isolated. So when reading it it might not be necessary but if it is a style choice with a purpose - stick with it. But it would make this poem more simplistic and streamlined. OK here's something else, if you eliminate the commas try capitalizing That Girl to make it stand out more, be more isolated, or whatever else. (This is just a suggestion.)

Additionally, look at the commas at the end of your lines and decide if you really want almost every line in a comma. Read it through with the pauses, see what you think.

I also want to point out in the last set, the line that reads: In five years time from now, is wordy and even repetitive. I would recommend either In five years time or years from now. And for sure no comma at the end of Will I be remembered,

In five years time from now,   -- I would recommend a period here.

Again, I do like the message of the poem. Like the previous poster wrote, KEEP WRITING! She gave some othe good tips but don't force devices (I do not thin that that is what she was saying, just sugguestions) into something that by choice is simplistic. Nice job.