Ode to the windlord...what do ya think? (TOP CONTRIBUTORS)?

Question

Open your mighty wings, O proud eagle

That feathery blow of the eastern gale

Those thundering clouds, so light, so feeble

Shall be driven out, to diminish pale

The mountain peak, where lies your stony throne

Is where I crave to stand and stare marveled

At your piercing eyes and kingly frown

From what your power reigns, unrivaled

I don't know what to write after this. Any help or suggestion is acceptable.

Ryhming pattern: ABAB CDCD...

Would this be a good Rhyming scheme: ABACDC DEDFGF...

Answer 1

The rhyming pattern is alright for a short poem like yours. Why are you thinking of something else ? The general flow is that of iambic tetrameter.

An ode is ,' A poem intended to be sung an elaborate lyric, often of some length, generally addressed to sombodyor something .' since your poem is short , though addressed to the king of birds, - The Windlord Eagle, we may just put the title if yu think fit as ,' To the Windlord '.

This is a very fine poem written on the kingly aristocracy, the grandeur, the height, the nobility of the eagle, - the king of biirds. The poet wishes to be at that height and be one with this great nobility , this mightiness, this.great pride that rules the sky, and inhabits the mountain peaks .

It is the power of this great that looks with kingly and equal eyes , that truly rules the skies.

I have another's half a poem and a short one from Sri Aurobindo. It would probably throw a greater light on your endeavour :

"In the flash or flutter of flight of bird and insect, in the passion of winged cry on the treetops;

In the golden feathers of the eagle, in the maned and tawny glory of the lion,

In the voiceless hierophants of Nature with their hieratic script of colour,

Orchid, tulip and narcissus, rose and nenuphar and lotus,

Something of eternal beauty seizes on the soul and nerves and heartstrings..."    -   Sri Aurobindo.

To the hill-tops of silence from over the infinite sea,

            Golden he came,

            Armed with the flame,

Looked on the world that his greatness and passion must free.

  --------   Sri Aurobindo .

I love your poem  and your character. Lo, Kindly stamp your imprint upon our hearts more often !

Answer 2

Lullah ZZ,

You were off to an awesome start and man did you hit the wall! It sees that you were a 'slave to the rhyme'... Please accept my rewrite as a gift to that ol' blow hard... I changed the title if you don't mind....

FLIGHT TO THE HAWKWIND

V1

Open your mighty wings

And spread them to the skies

The windlord gives him air to sail,

Sea breezes pungent stings

He stares with piercing eyes

Fighting torrents of an eastern gale

V2

High above a thunder cloud

He seemed to touch a star

Circling the world like a crown,

His cries are heard aloud

By mountains near and far

Never to fall again earthbound

BRIDGE

You are the bird

That rested in God's hands

Aviate the freedom over land

Golden symbol wings of man

CHORUS

Flight of the hawkwind of the morning

Flight of the hawkwind seized the day,

Flight of the hawkwind is foreboding

Flight of the hawkwind in glaring rays

V3

He soars the heavens blue

Where only eagles dare

The path where Icarus chose to fly,

Midnight moon's glowing hue

In a starry atmosphere

Covering the shade of Isis' eye

BRIDGE

Visible miles

Controlling your domain

Ruling until the universe

Representing spaces over earth

CHORUS

Flight of the hawkwind of the morning

Flight of the hawkwind seized the day,

Flight of the hawkwind is foreboding

Flight of the hawkwind in glaring rays

REPEAT CHORUS

I am a lyricist, so I tend to turn everything I write into a song poem. It maybe the only style I know, but I have been  published and I've made money suppling lyrics over music and that works for me... Thanks for sharing!

Answer 3

This is beautiful, a descriptive picture an easy read, nice flow Cheers !!

Answer 4

That feathery blow of eastern gales

The mountain peak,

lies your stony throne

where I crave to stand and stare marveled

those are the only things i would change.

but i like it alot. keep writing. would love to hear the rest of itXD

Answer 5

ABAB CDCD will work or ABABCC

or ABABCBCDC...and so on...that is called terza rima.

An ABACDC DEDFGF pattern wont work I think...because you wont be able to connect the sounds while reciting...and will miss that musical ring provided by rhymes. More over, in stanza forms of pentametres (10 syllables) we wont leave any sound unrhymed. In Ballad form of 8-6-8-6 syllable pattern, we can leave those eight syllabled lines unrhymed. Like i did in the ballad of silver bells.