Offended by reply to wedding invite?

Question

We invited someone to our wedding who is very tight with money. He responded saying that he will come, but doesn't plan on giving a gift or red packet (chinese wedding). He also noted that he is travelling on after the wedding to watch a grandprix motor race.

We found this response really offensive, we have been very generous to this person over the years, but don't know what to do. We are only inviting around 50 people so there are many others we could invite instead. We are feeling like we don't want this person there with this attitude. It is not that we only want to invite people who offer gifts, but we want people there who are excited as us to share our special day.

Can we stop him coming? What should we do? Thanks...

Answer 1

I can relate to this ? because I am planning a wedding and i have an aunt that's a total drama queen and she doesn't approve of the wedding. I told her in polite way if she could not come and enjoy our happiness with us that she was not invited, she was happy with the reply but at least we know that she is not coming. We also took the liberty to take her off the guest list at the hotel where mere getting married.

Answer 2

I feel he has "inside" information to the wedding. Say for example that the bride may be a street tramp. I mean it's possible. Think about it and make your own decision. You many want to "rethink" this marriage.

Answer 3

Unfortunately, you can't really revoke the invitation once it was given. I don't blame you for being upset, though. For some reason, weddings tend to bring out all sorts of hidden rudeness in people ~ spend enough time in this section reading the awful things that have been done to some of these women (and some men :)) and you'll see what I mean.

When your wedding day arrives, chances are you will be so caught up in the day that you won't give this guy a second thought. Just be as polite to him as always ~ with any luck he will leave for the races soon after the ceremony & you can continue to celebrate with your better friends.

And you can always look at it this way ~ if his rude behavior is the *worst* thing that happens while planning your wedding, you are lucky :)

Answer 4

Talk to him about it. Let him know that you don't care if you get a gift or not, and that you just want people there who are excited as you are to share in your special day.  Maybe if you talk to him about it he'll change his attitude and you guy's will feel much better about it. I mean at least it's a try. If it doesn't work then kindly say, "I'm sorry but I don't want someone to come to my wedding if they can't be happy and share in our joy. If this is how you are going to feel then I'm sorry please don't come at all." But I hope you don't have to say something like that to anyone.

  Anyway congrats on your weddings.

Answer 5

You said he's tight with money, so I don't find it odd that he wouldn't give a gift. If you uninvite him, you will be just as rude as he is. Let the invitation stand, and as important as our weddings are to us, remember the world doesn't stop- there are still grand prix races!

Answer 6

Every time I show my bad sportsmanship around a certain type of Southern Belle around this town, I'm always amazed at the way they can quickly cut me down to size, simply by doing the *opposite* of whatever it is I'm doing wrong.

I've made a study of their technique, and imho, it's simply this: Boorish behavior is answered with grace and excellent bon ami only.

So make sure "Billy Bob No-Gift" is greeted at the door, then harangued with, "Aw, honey, come on in; you look absolutely starved to death! Please, eat, drink, be merry!" And so on. Try and assure that as many people as possible speak with and glad-hand and act overjoyed to see the killjoy.

In other words, let your joy and happiness and overflowing good will magnify his cheapness and stinginess and brevity at the festivities.

If handled just right, I believe Cousin Billy Bob will send out a belated red packet pronto. At the very least, he'll either show up prepared to party--or politely decline--next time he receives an invite...

Answer 7

Well congrates to you first and second it is abit to late to say to him not to come.Its your day dint worry so much about it.You will probably be so busy dancing around all night,making speeches,chatting with family,cutting the cake that you ill forget he is there.Have a wonderful day!

Answer 8

Well.... you've already invited him and you knew he was tight w/ money before you asked him. I understand that you're offended by his response -- I don't blame you! - but no one is really obligated to bring gifts to a wedding -- it's customary of course and expected -- but you're not inviting them for their gifts (well, you're not really supposed to be, ha ha) you're inviting people you care about to be there and share your day -- So, I don't think you should create any more drama or bad feelings by telling him he can't come after you already invited him and he accepted. Just look at it as a learning experience....now you'll know what to expect from him if you ever invite him to anything else, ha ha -- and, you never know -- he may tell someone his plan not to bring a gift and they will convince him that, that is a very rude thing to do and MAYBE he will surprise you and change his mind! Anyway -- don't worry about him. You're getting married! You're in love. Just focus on having a great wedding day! God bless! :-)  

Answer 9

I can't blame you for being offended, but if you rescinded the invite, you would join him in good (rude) company.  I would give this person a call and (graciously) thank him for the reply and say something like "wow, sounds like this is a really busy time for you!  We'd of course love to have you at the wedding, but we wouldn't want to impede on your previous plans so if you end up not able to make it, we would totally understand!" You're better off with him not there than having him there with a bad attitude.  Look at it this way, you aren't getting a gift either way! :)

Answer 10

You can't UNINVITE someone!  

Answer 11

it sucks when you have one of those leeechy people who just like to SUCK the fun out of everything and make it a drag for everyone else when there lifes a drag. As i'm sure you know...there are always people like that wherever you go. So i'll be honest, if its not him at the wedding thats bothering someone else will be. you've done nice things for him so far. So i wonder if he acted like this in the past? if he did, i dont understand why you'd invite him. But then again...people can act different in different situations. maybe he dint realize that his reply was going to be rude. sometimes i say things that i dont mean to come out offensive, and then someone points it out to me and i feel like ****. (pardon my language) maybe if you confronted him about it. it honestly sounds like he was trying to make it sound as happy as possible. Cuz i'm sure he feels bad enough that he cant afford anything. If you say something maybe you'll realize hes just really bad with words.  

Answer 12

Get over it. You're hyper-sensitive. He was just letting you know his situation and plans. The one with the attitude is you

Answer 13

Once invited, it's really impolite to rescind the invitation - even if your guest was really boorish in his reply.  

Answer 14

guests are not "required" to bring a gift. it's a little weird that he wrote that on his response card, but either way, that is not a reason for him not to come. i certainly hope you weren't inviting people JUST to get gifts from them!!

Answer 15

OFFENSIVE.  In the dictionary it has his picture.  end the friendship if possible

Answer 16

There really isn't much you can do since you've already invited him. I assume he was chosen first because you like this person and not because he might send a good gift, right? If he sends a gift, great. If not, just enjoy the wedding and his company.

Answer 17

Maybe he's trying to be funny? Maybe he feels bad about not giving a gift and wanted to make sure you knew that he wouldn't? Maybe he feels bad about being invited, which is why he pointed out that it wouldn't be a burden for him to come because he's got another reason to be in the area?

You've already invited him, so what can you do? Just let him come. Besides, if he really is trying to cause drama, the worst thing you can do is respond to it. Just treat his response like all the other positive ones, and ignore his obvious attempts to cause discomfort.

Answer 18

Boy, isn't he the charming gentleman. This guy is just going to show up and eat and drink. I'm sure he "has" to save his money for the grandprix motor race...yeah, that's why he can't give you a gift. Tell him the wedding is off, and hopefully he won't realize you've pulled the wool over his eyes.

Answer 19

I'd send his reply card back with a note that says "We received your reply to our nuptials and we have decided that we would like to extend our offer to someone more deserving of it. We simply do not want to have someone there who is not excited for us on our special day."