Ok, here's a poem I wrote. It's short. I think it's good. What do you think?

Question

OR SO IT SEEMED

He caught a glimpse of her mind,

and

he thought it was beautiful,

and

he wanted to see more,

and

he found it would not be so.

Answer 1

ummm maybe develope it more but good idea

Answer 2

This seems to me to be the brraistorming that precedes the writing of the poem, not the finished product itself.  Press onward!

Answer 3

hhhmmmmmm. It's not as good As the other poem i read.

Answer 4

i agree, you should add more to it.

but its a good start.

Answer 5

hhm i think u have potential, and the ideas behind this are good.

however, i would say this needs a little more work, its a bit too simple and straight forward, there isn't really an poetic technique being used, and as a result it isn't as effective as it could be.

perhaps more exploration with the language or a bit of imagery could help with this?

having said all that, the only thing that matters is whether you, the poet, are pleased with the poem, and if u are satisfied with it then dont feel as though u need to change anything.

Answer 6

I think, that if you have a short poem like this, having perfect, powerful words is the key.  

Since the poem is so short, then making an impact by using strong words that truly convey feeling, is I think what's missing.  It's not a bad poem - we sense feeling, irony, yearning, but it lacks a certain "oomph" that can make people go WOW.  

On the other hand, you can make it longer to expand your feelings or ideas, especially if you can't find the "right" words.  I don't fully understand this poem, especially the last line.  The MEANING is there, but I don't see the FEELING.  Were you disappointed?  Relieved?  Happy?  Confused?  

Also, try metaphors or similes  They're a poet's best friend, I swear.  

But of course, it's your poem.  You don't need us to tell you what to do - it's the story of YOUR heart, not ours :)