Ok, so I've tried, and I still can't understand "coercion"?

Question

I was adopted as an infant, and I'm now a mother to my children. I just do not understand the concept of women being coerced into relinquishing their children.

I understand what some people on this site are defining as coercion, but for the life of me I cannot, as an adoptee and a mother, understand how a woman who truly didn't want to give up a child, young, poor, unmarried or otherwise could be 'talked into' giving up her baby.

Of course I realise that in the past there were cases of babies being forcibly taken, but that aside I just can't see how it's a valid phenomena.

Isn't it more likely that birthmothers regret their decision down the track and state that they were coerced as a kind of self-protective measure, similar to denial?

Answer 1

Momof2,

I've talked to my bmom and she emphatically states that she was never coerced but made the choice of her own free will.  That is not to say that coercion didn't happen many many decades ago.

however, i believe that a woman realized at a young age that she did not have the resources or wisdom to raise a child and the family discussed adoption with her to which she agreed.  then later, after society said she was a horrible mom for giving her baby away and people started saying how horrible they grew up adopted and adoptees who couldn't accept the fact that their mothers made a choice to relinquish, THEN they said they were coerced.

everyone has a choice.

Answer 2

I kind of agree with you on this one, but you cant be iggnorant to the FACT that alot of coercion goes on in the adoption industry.

The thing that I cant understand, is how people on here always use the coercion as an excuse all the time!. We know it goes on, but using it to cover up the FACT that SOME birth mothers actually DO make their own desicions, well thats just denial and iggnorance in itself.

Belive it of not, some birth mothers actually sign the papers themselves and actually consent to giving up a child. If you dont believe that too, then you are in denial. (that was not aimed at you by the way)

Answer 3

Have you ever had your 'arm twisted' to do something your heart really didn't want to do. Or been pushed so far into a corner you felt like you had no choice. I know I have, particularly during my younger adulthood.

Adoption industry coercion is like hard-pressure salesmen or in-your-face advertising - it influences grown people.  Yes it does!

Answer 4

I have stated this in the past and got pounded with horrible statements.  It is hard to understand in this day and age- but there are some valid points that folks in here will raise about coercion.  

I think it can happen in some cases, but not in most.  That's just my opinion.  

I am an adoptive Mom and have never been in a situation where I've had to choose whether or not to place my child into another family through adoption.

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Coercion with CHILDREN is way different from coercion with ADULTS.  Children can easily be swayed; adults, I'm not so sure.  I actually think that some just aren't sure or ready to be parents, and may go along with the "right thing to do" and then regret it later.

And by saying "right thing to do", I dont' mean it IS the right thing to do.

Answer 5

I think there are prospective grandparents who do not want to deal with having their 15-year-old child AND a baby in the house, so they resort to threats of throwing the mother out on the street if she does not give up her baby.   This is a terrible thing, but I'm sure it has happened on many occasions.  

If I were a young girl that age, and my parents were screaming at me that I would no longer be welcome in their home, I'd be terrified to strike out on my own without a job or an education, so I'm sure I'd have given in to their demands if I had ever found myself in that situation.   Fortunately, my father always told me he'd KILL me if I got pregnant, so I never did :-)

Answer 6

Um...when you are a 16 year old or a 14 year old girl, what choices do you have when your parents tell you to your face, we don't want the stigma of an unwed mother? In the past this is what happened the parents were embrassed that their daughter got herself into this mess. Unwed mothers were looked down upon in the past, normally keeping the baby was not an option, you were expected to give up your baby.  I mean you nor i have ever been in this situation. So my suggestion to you is until you walked a mile in some else's shoes, don't judge them.

Answer 7

If a young mother who has just given birth and is 15 years old is surrounded by people persuading her that the right decision is to give the baby up, possibly by saying she cant provide for the baby, the baby will be better off as she is young or the mother will be unable to cope, then I can fully see this happening. Not everyone is so sure of what they want (regardless of age). I think your right in saying they will regret the decision one way or another later in life.

You must understand some people are more vunerable than others. Without my mother for support I think we would have given up my son. A decision I would regret forever.

Answer 8

I cannot understand either.

I have been even more unable since I shared a story about a different choice I made that eats me up and has for over 25 years now... It was suggested that I had been coerced and that I should be able to understand.

The only problem with that theory is that as much as I didn't want to make the choice I did--as much as I regreted it--the moment it happened and has horrible as it has been to live with my emotional feelings about the choice I made--I still made the choice.

I had good reasons. There was no support and I had people telling me if I didn't make 'that choice" I would lose that person. There was shame about the situation and there was a want for the situation to not be known by the most important people I loved. But, I could have always been stronger and made the other choices.

At the bottom of any decision so huge to a woman I believe it is ***USUALLY*** still that persons choice. I know there are acceptions to this fact just as there are for so many other things a person faces in life. I think that anyone who has actually been living their lives has things they wish in their souls they could have done differently....I know there are a zillion different things I can look back and see the "If only's" about.

The fact is that for every reason under the sun I can justify the choices I have made in my own life. I have hundreds of examples of why I made my decions and all of them seem to fall into the same category--the decisions I have made that did effect anyone else in my life were weighted with what other people said, did and wanted me to do....

Is it coercion to be impacted by family and systems of process that might change the outcome of our future?

When people who do care about us and choices are there for the deciding isn't it normal to at least hear the feelings of those people we are around? Or those people who offer an answer? Is listening to them "coercion" ?

Maybe--when we look back it is clear to some of us that we did actually value the information provided by people we needed in our life at the time... knowing it was still the decision we actually made and didn't have to make or had other options...

..... For me it would be nice to say I was forced by people around me... but, the only reason I suffer guilt and emotional pain over my decision is that I know I was the one who really did make it in the end.

No one held a gun to my head.

**** And, for the record I am not talking about any mother who was--or has been abused by family--friends and professionals for finacial gain or obtaining a baby or child by a clearly illegal or unethicl set of practices...

I understand that this has happened and that it likely does continue to happen, even today. There are many 15 year old girls who have parents or people in their lives who coerce and even force a young girl to have an abortion I am sure there are parents--people and professionals who still make it hard for a woman to choose to parent by a number of methods.... And for those women my heart breaks in either case....

....I also don't like grand parents claiming a grand child and using the methods that are unsupportive for their own child to get themselves together and pick up the kids when they are ready without a big legal fight in the courts... That is a huge problem for many. I see coercion in this Game as much as some of the other options of dealing with children born to a less than ideal situation.

In the end I think coercion is part of nearly any choice any person is faced with...unless they make the choice in total isolation and do so without any discussion or disclosure with anyone else.... those decisions seem to be the ones that are most difficult to point to anyone else having any responsitility except for our selves.

Coercion really is part of life...and the bigger the impact of the choices to be made the bigger part that people around a person want to add their idea of what the best is... Either we listen to those people and agree deep inside or we think, "yeah-right-whatever" or not.

Answer 9

ok... let me try

many question how can a woman who is being abused not simply leave...

simple...coercion.

to understand "why" i think it's important to understand coercion.  coercion is systematic, innocuous, subtle and often cloaked as the "right thing to do." also, there isn't a plethora of "ivy-league" educated, mature, empowered women at adoption clinics.  most young women who go into adoption agencies are young, don't have the education that the adoption workers have, are extremely ambivalent about placing, and are easily manipulated. now, grant it, many fmoms are very empowered and advocate for themselves.  these are not the ones we speak about.  yet, the young, scared, women who are told (usually by parents, partners and others) that "adoption is a loving choice."

the act of coercion in adoption takes the form of

-pre-birth matching

-paps in the delivery room

-open adoption

-the idea that 'adoption is redemption for an out-of-wedlock pregnancy'

-guilt-tripping young women by reminding them that 'these good people will experience a pain worse than death if you change your mind'

-having paps descend on the hospital the moment a woman goes into labor; and encouraging them to never leave the hospital together.

-convincing pregnant women that adoption is the alternative to abortion.

-telling young women that 'they will go on with their lives' and not have the burden of parenting .

-telling young women that 'they are doing the best for their baby'

-having adoption workers at the hospital during the entire time post delivery.

things actually told to women:

-"if you change your mind, you will have to repay the agency and paps."

-"if you change your mind, we [adoption agency] are required by law to report that you have no resources to take care of your child and the child is potentially at risk for neglect."

more agency policies:

-discouraging n-moms from breastfeeding or rooming-in

-REFERRING TO PREGNANT WOMEN AS 'BIRTHMOTHERS.'

i can go on if you'd like.

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although i understand your question, i also think it's extremely unfair to assume that f-moms are "co-opting coercion" out of guilt or regret.  especially when one hasn't been in the position.

be well

ETA: i also find it interesting how many on this posting who have NEVER been pregnant nor placed a child are so sure that they know how a pregnant or relinquishing woman feels.

Answer 10

Momof2 I agree with you!! My story is a little different 2most. I have a daughter that was adopted at 13mo. When I was 16 I got charged with False imprissonment an Section18 wounding. It started as a little fight but got out of controll. Im not going to lie and say I was defending myself, what i did was very wrong and Im ashamed of myself. Anyway, I was bailed, and 2weeks later I found out I was pregnant. From the second I knew I was pregnant, I loved my baby and I was ready 2grow up and be a mom. 5th August 2001 I was sentenced, after pleading guilty, to 3years custody. On the 25th August I gave birth to my little girl. 3days later I had 2returd to prison and my princess went into fostercare. Social services said they cant asses my parenting whilst im in prison. I had 1visit a week with my baby. October 2002 I went to court for the final hearing where it was decided that permenanvy was in the best interests of a child and my parental rights were taken away from me!! I did the best I could, Cooperated with assesments, Psychologists, social workers!! I faught SO SO hard 2 get my baby back but I lost!! I was 17 when she was born but I tried so hard. Released from prison 2weeks after the final hearing I tried my best to get on with life. In abt Sept 2003 i fell pregnant with my 1st son. Social services were on my back nearly as quick as them 2blue lines appeared. I was put in an assesment center, it wasnt going well, i left with my child. My solicitor phoned me and said ss have a police protection order on my son and if i dnt go to the police station that day and hand my son over i would have NO chance of ever having him back. I agreed to take him at 9pm that nite. I had 1day of being a mom without sum1 watching over me and i was gna enjoy it. I swore to my boy that i would have him home. I wasnt in prison and i promised him i would fight and i would win!!! and i won!! 8months of hard work and a psychiactric report later, My son came home!!! I was 19!! I took the system on and I won. I didnt get the mommy status by simply pushing a baby out, I EARNED IT!! I could av given up,, it would have been easier 4me, but I loved my boy and I wasnt eva gna giv up on him. Other people might have been able to give him more material things than me, But nobody could eva give my child what I do. I do not 4the life of me understan how anybody would willingly walk out of their childs life, You cannot be COERSED into abandoning ur child if you honestly love them. Yes when people say that, it IS a cop out, they failed there child and they gave up on it. Unless they were outragiously young or mentally challenged, a mothers love wudnt fail its own child. Im sorry if i offend any1 but if i do, remember this, my beautifull baby was taken from me, YOU GAVE YOUR BABY AWAY. Theres no denying that.

Answer 11

You are talking about women that come from many different backgrounds. I do not believe that they are ALL coerced, and I don't believe it is only young mothers that are coerced.

Imagine someone that is alone, pregnant and maybe already has children at home. They are struggling to keep their head above water, they are facing eviction, having utilities shut off and someone suggests what a wonderful thing they would be doing by giving their child to a "real family" that can love them and provide them with financial security. The mother is being painted such a pretty picture of what life will be like for her child if she places him with a "stable" family. And she is also being told horror stories about what might happen if she try’s to be a parent to this child. What type of h**l this child will live in because of poverty....or whatever. She may even be threatened with the removal of her other children if she try’s to keep the new baby.   Why are none of these people trying to help her by pointing out agencies that can help her? Why is it all gloom and doom? To me, this is coercion...

I was 17 years old and had my child's father's parents trying to force me into giving my baby up because I came from a poor family with six younger siblings at home.  They tried to intimidate and threaten me. They even went as far as sending Social workers to the hospital after I gave birth. I was under heavy sedation due to a c-section and these a$$holes were shoving a pen in my hand wanting me to sign away my child.

If it was not for the support of my mother (who almost literally threw them out of my room), I can't say I would have chose to raise my son. These people had me convinced my son would live a life of pure h**l if I tried to parent him.

BTW, my son is a very well adjusted young man. He is wrapping up his Freshman year at a prestigious University with a 3.8 GPA. So much for the poor b*****d child that never had a chance!

So, please don’t judge mothers until you have been put through the wringer like some here have been. Like I said, I don’t think all original mothers are coerced, but I saw first hand the techniques used to acquire that in demand blonde haired, blue eyed baby.

Answer 12

i cant speak from any position on this issue, except one:

should i ever have a daughter that ends up pregnant at a young age, i wont let anything like this happen to her or her baby. as her mother, i will support her in raising her child. i will help her financially, emotionally, whatever i have to do. no one is going to force my baby to give up hers. a parents job is to help their children accept consequences and responsibility. and to support them, love them unconditionally, and stand by them no matter what.

Answer 13

It has nothing to do with regret.  It has everything to do with everyone around you telling you that you will suck at being a parent.

You are too stupid to parent.

You are a worthless piece of dirt who will never amount to nothing to parent.

You live your life being told that you will never be able to do something and told that you are too stupid to understand what you need to do to raise a child and have everyone around you tell you things like this 24/7.

but like someone else said.  Try to understand as someone is "twisting your arm" and get that all day long from all sides and tell me that that isn't coercion.

Answer 14

The only thing I can think of that makes any sense is if the close friends and family members of the mother-to-be used strong-arm tactics on her.  Doesn't necessarily involve force, but we tend to put the most stock in the opinions of those closest to us.  Friends and family members can be very pushy if they think they're guiding us down the right path, or some of it could be selfishness on the part of family members.  Maybe they believed THEY would bear the burden of caring for the child so they pushed the mother-to-be as hard as they could to give the baby up for adoption...

Answer 15

http://www.originscanada.org/adoption_co...

I was coerced both internally by my own actions and cop outs, and externally by society, family, and the actions of the domestic adoption system into relinquishing my son for adoption.  It is not a cop out and it is one of the key elements needing to addressed in adoption reform.  (Other key elements needing reform are adoptee access to original birth certificates and all documents pertaining to that adoptee)

Also to further illustrate my point, if the domestic adoption system was ethical and not exploiting mothers like me, then there would have been no need for the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute to release this study of how adoption needs to be reformed to protect not only our rights but also our well-being in the adoption process.  Read the summary, read the full pdf report.

http://www.adoptioninstitute.org/researc...

"But, I have to say, being talked into shoplifting and being talked into giving up your child are really 2 different things."

What a hurtful thing to say!  Do you not read this forum and see how many answers that tell expectant mothers considering adoption how wonderful they are for considering adoption for their children?  Do you not see how many times a woman in a crisis pregnancy is slammed for not knowing better to keep her legs shut?  Do you not see how many hurtful things are said to expectant mothers in crisis pregnancies by strangers, friends and family?  The only people who treat her with dignity are the ones who kindly remind her that there are better people out there who really want children and gracefully remind us that we can redeem ourselves by relinquishing our children to them.  Thank your lucky stars you have never walked in my shoes on this path.  Having everyone turn against you for just the act of being pregnant and having no one tell you the honest truth about adoption loss for either the birthparent or the child about to be relinquished is a terrible circumstance to be in.  To say it's as simple as you want your child you keep your child... well it's not.

Just because the baby scoop era is over does not mean that choice is made fully informed and free of coercion.

Answer 16

I think it can happen. The agency we worked with talked extensively with us about the fact that the birth mom still had the right to change her mind after the baby was born, and if that was her decision they wouldn't try to convince her otherwise. But I think other, less honest agencies would try to coerce a birth mom into sticking with her adoption plan - and I can also see the birth mom's family trying to convince her to stick with her plan, knowing that it would be in the best interest of the baby.

I think what's missing in a lot of cases is counseling for the birth mom after the baby is placed for adoption - she's naturally going to miss the baby terribly and wish that the circumstances could have been different. Cutting her loose to deal with those emotions on her own, in addition to recovering from the birth and the hormone changes that it brings, is part of the problem.

Answer 17

I understand your question and have had similar thoughts.  As a mom, I just cannot see myself being *coerced* into doing something that I didn't want to do with regards to my child.  

HOWEVER (and I capitalize that for everyone who will rip me apart before they read the rest of my answer), I have seen first hand some of the coercion that people talk about.  I did not realize the magnitude of the coercion at first because I was so involved with my own side of the adoption process, but it does exist.  When we were adopting our son, our son's bio family had contacted us and asked us to be his parents.  We began proceeding with a private adoption.  It was their choice.  However, at the same time, the state tried to "capture" the child for foster care.  They told me personally that since our son was a "Caucasian infant, he was a hot commodity".  Looking back, the state really did try to strong arm the biological family into doing something they didn't want to do.  Fortunately for everyone involved, the bio-family fought back and went to court to get a judge to allow the private adoption to proceed.  

I believe in some cases that coercion does exist.  I also believe that people are using the term coercion for families who make an adoption plan without fully understanding the magnitude of their decision.  While I'm not sure that I would personally call that coercion (I'd prefer to call that un-informed), I would agree that there are cases out there where a bio family is not given every opportunity to understand the process and in a sense that is a way that the agency *coerces* the family - by keeping them un-informed.

Hope that helps from a different perspective.

Answer 18

NO its not.

The ones that were co-oerced state that

The ones that were not state that

You are going to offend quite a number of First mums here by your post :(

I have talked to First Mums, quite a few, Quite a few are online friends with me...Trust me they were coerced and its very believable that someone who is scared, hormonal, drugged can be deluded into doing many a wrong thing.

Think about girls / boys that are co-erced into drugs, shopflifting etc. People are vulnerable and when they are hormonal and frightened they are even more vulnerable

I could only WISH that my Mother was co-erced :( but sadly that is not the case and instead she abandoned me, and if it hadn't of been for the church agency accepting me to a foster home for 6 weeks prior to my adoption , she would have handed me to a stranger in the bank

You only need to look on Utube, or to read some online blogs from first parents to hear how they were coerced and I guarantee you will change your mind

ETA to Momof2

I ,in NO way connected shoplifting to giving up a child what i said was

"Think about girls / boys that are co-erced into drugs, shopflifting etc. " (boys dont get pregnant to start with)

"People are vulnerable and when they are hormonal and frightened they are even more vulnerable"

That was the Point right there

Twinkle - putting aside what you did, I personally believe that a mother should be with a baby in jail during the first year for breastfeeding and bonding and the primal wound UNLESS The mother is a suspect of harm to the baby..But if a prisoner who  becomes a mother truly loves her baby and wants to breastfeed and care for her baby then I believe that babies should be with their mother ESPECIALLY in the case of a juvenile, or short term misdemeanor prisoner, and in fact I thought that prisons were set up that way ?

I have two children, I could in no way understand how someone can give up a baby, in the sense that when I had my first baby I remember crying and crying thinking how could anyone give up a baby like that, a baby LIKE ME -

BUT then I found adopted people and mothers on the net ! and then I read stuff that made my heart sink.

A 16 year old with the world against her including her parents telling her that she will ruin her life, that this is their house and their rules and if she keeps it she can go on the streets, a nice little social worker (not) saying you know you need to do the right thing for this baby,he/she will grow up to hate you because he /she doesnt have 2 parents or a good life , because you selfishly chose to keep it

Oh yes you better believe it that c**p is alive and kicking in the USA. I KNOW I have spoken to the mothers that have been through it, and its still happening today.

Shameful But TRUE

Do you know the saying "walk a mile in my shoes" or "there but for the grace of god go I"

?

Answer 19

I am not a parent, nor an adoptee.  

However, I can totally see how a scared, not prepared to parent woman could be coerced into placing her baby.  When there is no knowledge of the many resources available to you, and when someone else is breathing down your neck telling you that children deserve two parent homes, deserve parents with money to send them to college, deserve more than what you can give them...and then on top of that have parents or a partner (or ex partner) telling you it is in the child's best interest to find another home for him/her.  Not to mention the agency telling you its too late to change your mind.  And the PAPs acting like you are the greatest thing in the world (until, of course you hand them your baby and then you are some crack-w***e who didn't care enough about her child to keep them), and all the pregnancy hormones rushing through your body....

Well yeah, how hard is to see that this situation can be overwhelming?  And how afterwards, when you no longer have all these people telling you it was best you placed your child, and you no longer have the pregnancy hormones making you a little crazed, and you look into the situation and you think...wow, I made a mistake, and then you notice how not one person pointed you in the direction to get the resources you needed to actually parent your child, and on top of that, no one actually mentioned that you COULD parent your child, so you thought that you had to place the baby.

You don't see that?  You have children, and so you have to know what it feels like to pregnant, and maybe you were always 100% prepared to parent, but weren't you still a little scared?  And if you hadn't had a support system, wouldn't that have made you even more scared?

I don't know, I think it is pretty easy to see the coercion.

Answer 20

As a developmental psychiatry student, I think i ca give you a clinical answer for this :

Situational depression often occurs in people in high stress situations. Financial problems are the number one cause of situational problems, but social stress can also play a a key role in situational depression.

People who are dealing with depression, especially those who are dealing with physical changes such as hormones, are less likely to be able to defend themselves from outside forces. This leaves pregnant women to be more likely to be coerced. ( NOTE : I am not saying that all women are this way, just that there is a higher chance of persuasion to occur).

Also, the human brain is easily manipulated. In children with body dysmorphic disorder one of the first steps in treatment is telling them repedatly that something about them is pretty. After a while their brains start to think well maybe my eyes are pretty, maybe I am pretty, maybe I am too skinny, maybe.

A similar thing happens to adults. If a person says to an adult "there is something wrong with you" every single day, eventually the person's brain will start to think 'there IS something wrong with me'. So there is no doubt in my mind that even a mentally healthy and financially stable woman could start to think about adoption if she was told over and over to give the child up. (Note: she would most likely think about it but not do it) So if a woman with depression and stress was in that situation, the ideas were repedatly introduced and given time to process, the mother could easily be coerced into giving up a baby.

Also postpartum depression and fatigue can take a major toll. Did you ever see that episode of malcom in the middle where the mom decideds she doesn't want to keep her baby girl, but then realises that she didn't want to raise all her children at that age of them because of baby blues, but after she crossed that bridge, she loved her kids as only a mother can. This does happen to women, and if the right person says the right thing at the right time, coersion happens.

Answer 21

Momof2,

Sometimes i think the same thoughts you are expressing here.  Then i take myself back to my younger years.  As an abuse survivor, i would often think that i didn't deserve to be happy and that i would suck at parenting.  I still find myself subconsciously sabotaging my happiness as a way of punishing myself for the abuse.  It would have been very easy for someone to exploit my insecurities and without much pushing you could convince me that i didn't deserve to be a mother.

Self-confidence, courage, and strength are qualities that not all women posses.  For some of us it takes a lifetime to cultivate those qualities and some of us will never completely get there.  That is where a quality support group of friends and family is crucial.  Catch 22, you have to believe you deserve to be loved to receive the support and help from others.

Its very complicated and its hard for an emotional rational and secure person to understand how others can be so emotionally confused and insecure.  There are many of us here though for different reasons the big difference being, that some of us ended up pregnant.  Some of those pregnant women instead of being given support so desperately needed they just had their insecurities thrown back in their faces as a method of coercing a vulnerable emotionally confused woman out of her child.  So i do believe that coercion is a valid phenomena because i can envision it happening as described above.

***Not saying all first mothers are emotionally confused.  Some maybe.  The emotional confusion might just last a brief moment in time, it might be due to a situation, or it could be a life long process, like myself.  

I have some very confident emotionally strong friends who have problems putting themselves in someone elses shoes so just trying to break it down for those blessed with emotional security to see another side.

**********I am not a first mother.  This is what i use to walk in someone else's shoes.  My way of trying to see how a first mother might have struggled with coercion.

ETA:  I agree with Tish.  She knows what she is talking about.

Answer 22

It's difficult to say what a girl/woman's state of emotion is when the decision is made.  I believe without a doubt that coercion does happen, at various levels and degrees.  But, I also believe that it's convenient for some to claim coercion at a later date when they are found by their child, even if there was none.  I would rather have my child believe that it really wasn't my choice, than have them feel I couldn't find the way or the desire to raise them myself.

Answer 23

My mother was coerced so was I.

Being 6 I understood who my birth mother was. The family ganged up on my mother and she'd grown up dominated by her father. It was easier to give me up, but I don't think she felt she had an option.

Saying I was coerced, I was threaten with beatings until I agreed to call my adoptive mother to be 'mum' and schooled into what to say to the judge, when they applied for the adoption.(I was already living with them) They were turned down at least once by the judge...maybe twice. I hope to find out soon, as I've recently found the address for my adoption records. The abuse only became worse, once the adoption was final.

Some people are raised in ways, that make it easier to coerce them. Plus years ago parents and those in authority, had much more power and the 'mother' did not have the same rights. Your parents ruled, in those days.

Answer 24

When a woman is in this position, she is vulnerable, usually her partner has left her, so she feels alone, and MANY times, her finances are so low that she has no where to go, often times not many job skills, and it is so hard to get a job when one is pregnant.  Usually also, the mothers are often young, and don't have any idea how to get welfare to get temporary help, they have no idea how to pay bills, get medical attention, and how to take care of a baby.  Her confidence levels are very low.

Often times, many women also get talked into keeping their child when they know it is not in the child's best interest.  They are also usually young, and end up not getting an education, and usually end up in poverty levels, because the grandparents, or someone said, "How could you ever do that?".  It has happened both sides of the fence.  I truly wish there were more counseling for pregnant women, and mandatory before they give up rights, where they know what they can and can't do legally, and where they could be educated both in the school sense, and in the ways of getting by temporarily, so they could make a better life for themselves instead of just going on and trying without a support system.  I talked with a friend who is from a European country, where the men are much more careful about participating in birth control, because for the first several years they not only have to support the child, they have to pay everything for the mother of the child also.  

It is unfortunate we don't live in a perfect world where everyone would have a child if and when they were ready and able, and not before, and that those who can't could, and those who shouldn't couldn't.

Answer 25

I was coerced, no wait I was forced.. Same idea though

"Either you sign over your rights or we will take it to court and keep it there as long as we need to for the judge to agree that it has been too long for your son to be put back in your care. He will go into permanent foster care and never have a stable home. If you sign the papers he will be adopted right away and have a normal life."

So what exactly would you have suggested I do, at 19 with no support? Should I have fought and possibly doomed my son to aging out of foster care with no family or support system?