Ok I'm pregnant-- what next?

Question

First off-- I don't need any answers like "you should have use protection" or "what about stds"--- already thought about that a thousand times. And I can't change the past so lets move on and try to figure out what to do!!

I found out recently that I'm pregnant. The "father" was just a one night stand, after a night of getting completely drunk. I'm try to deiced what would be best for the baby. 1) keep it and give a loving home or 2) give it to a family (place it for adoption) with two parents that can love it. I recently finished with college, so financial I would be able to afford caring for it. If I do give it away I want it to be a Christian family with good moral values-- does anyone know of an agency that does that?

Answer 1

Your child doesn't need two other parents - your child needs you.

In the best interests of your child - your child needs to grow up with those that he/she is related to.

There is a whole heap of nature involved in bringing up a healthy/happy/stable child - in the nature/nurture argument.

For those adoptees that are not allowed to grow amongst that 'nature' - there can be many life long effects.

I wish you all the very best.

Answer 2

christan seriversires

Answer 3

Heart of Adoption in Tampa, Florida handle my adoption  they can recommend an agency in your area.

Answer 4

You have time to decide you might think about getting some counseling for it. If you do decided to go with adoption there are many Christian based adoption agencies. So having the baby placed with a Christian couple will not be a problem.  Since you are just starting out in  your career its understandable that your also thinking about adoption. You could also do an open or semi open adoption too.  

What about the father?  you will need to try and contact him as he would have to give up his rights to the baby in order for the adoption to be able to  be done. God forbid the baby was placed with a loving family, only a few years later for the bio father to find out he has a child, and go and claim the child. In that situations unless the courts deemed him unfit they would give the child to him, even if the child had been with their adopted parents for a few years.

Answer 5

Try Catholic Charities, Lutheran Family Services, and the like. There are plenty of religious adoption agencies. IF you really love this child, you will do what's best for it, despite what you want.

Answer 6

Congratulations!  

Keep your baby, you are  BEST able to care for and love your little one, you are the momma this baby wants to be greeted by, and raised by. Your body knows what to do, and you are the only one who can provide the perfect food for your baby.

Until you give birth and hold your baby, it is not possible to imagine the connection you will feel. Endorphins and hormones will do some wild things to bring you close to and absolutely in love with your baby.

Adoption is a structure built upon loss.  Please, don't sentence your child to that. And don't fall for that "loving sacrifice BS" that is a bunch of brainwashing. Your child will NOT feel loved by being bought and raised by strangers, no matter how nice they are; they still ARE NOT YOU.

Enjoy this magical time, don't stress so much, babies aren't terribly expensive if you choose to parent naturally - breastfeed  and co-sleep. Motherhood is amazing and wonderful. Congrats Again!!!!!!!

Answer 7

You are facing the hardest decision of your life.  I commend you for exploring all the options.

If you decide to make an adoption plan, I know of a couple of terrific organizations you could work with.  One is http://www.bethany.org and the other is http://www.lifelineadoption.org.  The folks at Lifeline I have worked with personally (for a ministry I'm involved in) and I've heard excellent things about Bethany, so I think either one would treat you well & things would go well.

You can choose the level of openness you're most comfortable with in the adoption if you go that route.  You can have it be totally open where you have contact, you could have it be periodic updates & pictures or no contact whatsoever.

If you choose to keep the child, God bless you, too!  That's a tough and loving decision just like choosing adoption!

Answer 8

there are several Christian based adoption agencies.  Lither Social Services and Catholic agencies (see phone Book)  You really must look at what is best for the child.  Since you are not married, the child would grow up in a single parent family. and since the father of the child was only the one night stand chances of you being able to find him are slim  so child support is probably not an option.  Are you able to care for the child on your income.?  It will not be cheap.  Diapers Formulas Day care Dr bills. etc. Once you become employed as right out of college pay is not that great and ofter Insurance benefits are not in effect in insurance for a while  That is 18 years of your life too.  Usually a loving Christian family is easy to come by and something they may even talk to you.  Check out Open adoptions. You can Talk to Planned Parenthood in your area and they will counsel you and not look down on your decision whatever it may be.  Call them for a consultation.  Cost is free or very cheap, ?You can also get birth control education there so this does not happen again.

Answer 9

Sorry about your circumstances. You need to choose what is best for the baby and you. Consider it from all angles especially if you can provide a good life for the child. If you decide to make an adoption plan, pick a good agency. There are a lot out there, but make sure you choose one where you can select the adoptive family. You will be able to pick the parameters-Chrisitan, no kids or kids, married, single, country or city, college educated or not, and whatever else. Then you will be given some profiles that meet your parameters and you can pick. If none are good for you, then more will be presented. You can always change your mind right up until the rights are terminated which isn't until after the birth. You can also choose the degree of openness of the adoption-from closed (no contact, no information shared) to totally open (visits with the child, phone calls, gifts exchanged) and all points inbetween . If you know who the birth father is, he needs to agree to the adoption as well. Good luck. It won't be easy either way but only you know what is the best/

Answer 10

Well first of all I just wanted to say that I'm sorry you have found yourself in a tough situation and I hope you reach a decision that is best for you. Don't beat yourself up...we all make mistakes or go through situations that we wished could be avoided. You are 100% right- you can't change what has already happened so now its time to face it head on.

Here's the advice I have to give. My husband and I are waiting to adopt and we are using Catholic Charities (they do not accept only Catholic families, we're baptist). They are a wonderful agency. Throughout our infertility we have met many people using different agencies and I'm so glad we chose them. They, like most agencies, will let you select a family to place your child with. But most importantly, they will offer you counseling to help you decide exactly what is best for you. They really are awesome with the work they do with birthmoms. It's not so good for adoptive families like us that are waiting to adopt but its so great that they first counsel and try to assist birthmoms and help them to raise their child if that's really what they want. I hope this helps you!

God Bless you today & everyday

Answer 11

I would recommend contacting a local adoption agency to discuss your "options" with them.  A reputable agency would be happy to talk to you about what services are available and what resources they have (such as counseling).  

You sound like you are exploring your options - which is such a smart decision.  Good for you!  

Good luck!

Answer 12

I like both numbers but if you do decide to give your child up, you are allowed to interview the people and even ask if you can observe their home life.  Go to church with them and see if they really are members or just trying to win you over.   You can get as creative as you like because you have what they want.  Don't get carried away though.

Answer 13

I agree with Caro about the Catholic and Lutheran Home.  Or you may want to go through a private adoption, which would include going to a lawyer.  You can make your request through them, another alternative is adoption.com. They may be able to help you out.

Answer 14

what ever you decide you have to live with it forever and im sure there will be days that you wish you would have made a different decsion so just think long and hard about it good luck.

Answer 15

I would go with Lutheran Social Services but you are financially able to care for the child I would imagine that they only thing your baby would need is a dad.....Remember this will be the hardest thing you do in your entire life giving up a baby is so difficult even for someone like myself that had no education living at home in a very dysfunctional family and it took me almost 10 years to be able to give my heart to anyone.....since then I have been blessed with a wonderful boy I would call him little but he's not so little anymore......I did have an open adoption that made things easier but it was still so difficult I can never refer to the other baby as my child because I signed all my rights away and I have to consider the new family....

Answer 16

Even though it was just a one night stand, you really should let the father know.  At least give him the opportunity to support the baby if he chooses, or be a part of the baby's life.  If he isn't interested, then ask yourself some hard questions as to whether you really want to give the baby up or not.  You may have second thoughts once you deliver, and later on down the road, regret giving the baby up for adoption.  Right now, you are no doubt in shock, so I would suggest waiting a little while before you decide on what you want to do.  If you decide to adopt the baby out perhaps there is a way you can keep in touch as the baby grows; of course this is again, your decision.  Best of luck to you whatever you decide!

Answer 17

Me and my wife looking for a baby , because we already wait for 6 years in our marriage, and we are a christian family.

jho

Answer 18

I can't the change the past either and am trying to decide what to do as well.  I've been on every website and analyzed every possibility hoping that I'll find some magic answer somewhere.  I've been trying to hear God as well but for some reason I can't listen to Him.  I think that it will just come to me.  I haven't been to the doctor yet so it isn't that "real" yet.  My fear is choosing to put it up for adoption and then not being able to do it as the date nears.  I think it'll come to us.  Whatever you decide is the way it's supposed to be.  As dumb as this may sound you may want to make a pro/con list about what you'd be giving up and what you'd be gaining with each choice.  Good luck to you...

Answer 19

There are countless agencies, both private and other that could help you with this.  You can decide based on parent profiles what type of parents you want to raise your child and how open  you want this adoption to be.  You can choose everything from religion, schooling, city vs country all of it.  It makes it harder for us that are single and wanting to adopt-but there you have it.

You dont need to decide right away either.  Take your time so that regardless of the decision you make, it is one that will work for you forever.  I was adopted myself and I have only high praise for the mom that I never knew.  (back in the day of closed adoption)

If you want to email me privately, I do have a list of different agencies in various states and will gladly pass it along.  The other way you can do this if you decide adoption is right for you, is know of a family that is wanting to adopt and they can hire a lawyer to do the paperwork.  I knew of one instance where the birth mom thought adoption was best, but if anything were to happen to the parents she would be legal guardian.  So she was assured all the way around of the care for her child.

Best of luck, I know it's a hard decision for you.  hugs, Sheri

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Answer 20

Well if you are financially stable then i would suggest keeping the baby. You need to find out who the father is and see what he thinks. I am glad you are looking into adoption rather then abortion. A child is better of with it's birth mother, they grow up wondering and wanting to know why there mother did not want it. When they are older it is mostly wondering who there real parents are and if you end up having other children someday the one you gave up for adoption will probably resent you. I think that you should do what you think is best and don't let anyone tell you other wise because you don't want to regret anything.   Good luck

Answer 21

Please think very hard about giving up your child.  In most cases the best thing that you can do for your baby, is keep it.  The second thing that you should do is tell the father.  You shouldn't even think about making that decision by your self.  Its only fair that you give him the option to make that choice as well.  But if you choose adoption, there are plenty of couples that really want to have children, that have no luck with adoption agencys.  Private adoptions!  Think about it?  I wish you all the luck in the world sweetie!

Answer 22

Bethany Christian Services. You can opt for an open adoption which means you would be looking at different folders telling about the family, etc. You would pick which families you would like to meet with. The services are extremly helpful. Follow up care is there also. I am  proud of you for seeing adoption as an option.  Best wishes for you.

Answer 23

I would say if you are capable of caring for the baby then keep it. It may not be the best timing or the best situation since the father was a one night stand but things happen and this is a consequence.

With that said, I gave a baby up for adoption when I was much younger b/c I was completely incapable of caring for myself much less another life. It was a terrible situation but instead of abortion or self loathing I found a nice family that was unable to have children of their own. There are plenty of adoption agencies that are Christian based. But if there isn't one specifically Christian based you have the option of interviewing prospective parents. It's up to you.

All I can say is that giving a child up for adoption will be the hardest thing you've ever done in your life. You will think about what they are doing, where they are, who they're with, what they like, what they look like, if they have any of your traits, every single day of your life. It's very hard.

I would suggest talking to those that have gone through both sides. Single mothers and birth mothers. Weigh your options and make a decision.

If you have any questions feel free to message me. I'm happy to help in any way I can.

Answer 24

If you have been approached by couples wanted to adopt your child.  RUN from them.

You are still dealing with what you want to do and being approached by those who are just so desperate that they read pregnant/help and jump, I wouldn't trust them with a 10 foot pole.

Look at where your life is at now.  Look at what you have going on and how a child would change that.  Look at what help you can receive if you decide to parent.

There are anumber of agencies out there that will help you find what you are looking for.

Answer 25

talk to a councilors don't wait to long to decide and your young hunny you can have more kids ~i am 48 have 3 now please i want to ty for having enough sense to know that keeping this baby will be a huge burden and a infant if your not ready will really change your life also i may add alot of people rite now will be happy to pay to have you leave town for awhile to avoid any embarresment and have they baby sign it over and return to your normal life GOD BLESS YOU ANGEL nad we all live and kearn also may i kindly add dont close these eager folks out to fast there your best help rite now peace be with you!!!!!!!

Answer 26

The whole one night stand thing has nothing to do with at...at least now. Ok you was drunk but, everything happens for a reason and god wanted you to have a child at this point in you life. Maybe because you are able to care for it. If you want to keep YOUR child than forget everyone and anything that may stop you. You know this child will love you regardless of how it was conceived so.........I think you should keep it.

I'm not judging you and what you did. but do the right thing and keep you child and you'll see it will be fine. That child will never judge you for what you did and would love you far beyond anyone who have.

Good Luck.

Answer 27

you should give it to a loving caring family, not saying that you aren't loving or caring. But since you have just finished college, you need to get on the move to start your career, so leave your baby with your mom or a relative,  and when the time is right when you feel like you've done a good amount of work at your job, take your baby back from your relatives and then you'll have your baby back again. Hope this helps. And P.S you can always see your baby on weekends or holidays.

Answer 28

Are you looking to place your child up for adoption because of fear? (being able to cope, being responsible for another person, not being a good mum etc). If this is the case then there is a lot of help you can get. I was adopted when I was a child and I used to feel it was because my parents didn't love me or want me. It left me with an inferiority complex and my adopted parents had a lot of mixed emotions to deal with. So please think hard before you make any decision. I am not trying to put you off adoption as I love my adopted parents very very much and could not have asked for a better childhood. Maybe if you choose adoption a letter that your child could read from you at 18 explaining why, would help you both if ever there was a re-union at a later date. Hope this helps and counseling may help you reach the right decision

Answer 29

Keep your baby, you will never regret it, give your baby to strangers and you will live a lifetime of regret.

Answer 30

If you can afford to take care of your baby financially and love it, why would you want to put it up for adoption?

Answer 31

Wow. This is just a reply to some of the answers. People on here freak out if a woman contemplates abortion. So now that a woman wants adoption you are still complaining! People are so stupid sometimes. Good luck on finding a good home.