Ok I have a 7 yr old stepson. He is so mouth my husband and i dont know what to do?

Question

He is mouthy with us plus his mother. The mom and I are good friends. we all let him know that we're not gonna put up with it. but latley he's been terrible. spanking, timeout, taking things away isn't working. what should we do. We feel like we are out of options.

Answer 1

My Mom did the soap in the mouth thing, but I don't like putting chemicals in my children's mouths.  However, what I have found that works is a teaspoon of vinegar.  EW GROSS!  If one of my children has "bitter words" then they get a teaspoon of "bitter consequences".  I prefer this to soap because it is not harmful if they swallow it ( I let them spit it out in the sink).

If they are being unkind to someone ( as in your case - disrespectful) they are then required to "make restitution"   and they need to tell the person they offended 3 things they like about them or that they are thankful for.  IE:  Daddy, I like that you play with me or Mommy, you're a good cook.

I think it helps that if you are trying to take some offending behaviour away, you help them replace it with something positive.  Help him to focus on the appropriate ways to speak to people, not just get him to quit being mouthy.  

In that situation I would tell him, "I am feeling very disrespected right now.  You can go be by yourself for a few minutes in your room.  Then, when the "heat of the moment" is gone, I would go to him and take him to the bathroom.  Give him the teaspoon of vinegar after reminding him that a bitter tongue gets bitter consequences.  After the vinegar, reinforce how much you love him.  I tell my kids, " I would never allow anyone to speak to you like that, I will not allow you to speak to others that way".  I love you too much!  

Then I would have him either speak or write three simple praises to whomever he disrespected or about whatever he grumbled over ( if he complained about dinner, have him tell why he is thankful for food).  Other times I help them think of ways they could have expressed their thoughts and feeling that are appropriate.  For instance, if they are speaking in a disrespectful tone, we practice rewording and changing tones.

This is A LOT of work and you MUST be consistent, but we had one "mouthy" child ( who also has an amazing vocabulary and is just verbal!).  We have seen so much growth and maturity in this child as we have stuck to this plan.  They are now very respectful and more careful of actually speaking before thinking.  But it didn't happen overnight.

Also, and this is SO IMPORTANT - make sure that you are honoring of him in your words and tones too.  We can't "make" our children respectful or kind, but we can highly influence them in the positive or negative.  Try not to be "mouthy" back.

It's also important that whatever ways you chose as a family to deal with this area that you sit him down before you begin the new plan and explain it to him. It might help if you, your husband and his Mom all of this talk with him together.  He needs to know you are all on the same page.  You don't need a huge "counseling session" where you wax eloquent, but just sit him down when things are pleasant.  In a calm and assured manner, tell him that the way he has been talking is UNEXCEPTABLE and things are going to change.  Explain to him exactly what the new consequences are and then - DO IT!  You have to be consistent and you have to be firm but gentle spirited too - not an easy task, I know!!!

One last thought, if he is very verbal, like our son is, you might want to evaluate if he is getting to share his thoughts with you enough.  I realized that our son was frustrated because he had so much to say and not enough of my full attention.  Really listening to him (with eye contact) was a huge help too.

It also helps to make sure boys have enough physical outlets - very helpful.  When my son works outside with his Dad, he is physically tired, but content and much cheerier.

Now that he is older, we don't do vinegar anymore.  We have moved to push ups.  I just calmly look at him and say give me 10 or 15 depending on the offense.  This has worked great as he has gotten older because he doesn't feel "babied" or demeaned.

Hope you get and idea or two, didn't mean to write a book , but we have experience in this one :-)

Take heart, our "mouthy kid" is now an awesome 14 year old boy that we actually enjoy :-)

Blessings,

Mom of 6

Answer 2

Talk to a psycologist...I'm not offending you...they can help a lot of people. Maybe he has a disorder related to having to say things or have outbursts. My brother would never do stuff like that, though he's matrue for his age. I'd talk to a psycologist to be sure. Good luck

Answer 3

You let him know you are not gonna put up with it, but apparently you are since he is still doing it. Find out if there is anything going on at school that could be troubling him. In the mean time, clear out his room, and just leave his bed, he can have one thing at a time back with good behaviour. No friends for a while, straight home after school, no tv, no games, no phone, no nothing. home, homework, supper, bath, bed.....

Answer 4

give'em a slap...SLAP!!!

Answer 5

put soap in his mouth or not let him do fun things. maybe threaten to take him to the doctor just so he will be embarrassed. or threaten to tell his teacher.

Answer 6

Take him to a juvenile place or a prison let him know that its not going to work or he will end up like one of these people with no privileges for a long time. Or you can talk to a policeman. My mom done this to my brother and sit up a situation and scare him...My brother started acting better after that.

Answer 7

i wonder if he is upset because you and his real mom get along. maybe he knows that in most cases, the bio mom and step mom clash. kids are pretty smart these days. but i dont know your whole story and there arent any examples. is there a certain time when he acts like it? is there a reason for his doing so? maybe put examples and see where we might be able to diffuse the situation, or at least help. Im a step mom too. but bio mom hates me. im not sure why. im the one raising her son. she is not. so its cool that you get along with his mom.

Answer 8

call NANAY 911

Answer 9

as Doc Phil says you have to find out what his currency is . ie video games ,playing with friends .. or even try asking him what his punishment should be ... good luck

Answer 10

Maybe something is wrong at school? Try sitting down and talking to him, when kids behave like this it usually means something's wrong. If he says nothing is wrong then give him a baby punishment like sitting in the corner and tell him it's because he is acting like a baby so he gets a baby punishment. Good luck!!!

Answer 11

ground him for the day that works for me,, my lil girl girl gets to warnings and then its in

it works for me

Answer 12

Bars of soap are just going to make him try to get back at you, so is spanking, argueing with him and so forth.  I know that at that age, it's mostly just a part of growing up and it's their only way of expressing how they feel, with their mouths and their only control, because you can't control it.  They push to find out just how far they can go.  In your situation, he may have a hard time with having three parents instead of two.  I'm a step mother also and it's hard, but in the end, it's totally worth it.  My kids and I are very close and get along well now.  Just keep assuring him that you all love him and that you all agree that you don't want to be talked to like that, maybe seek some counseling because there might be some issues that are hidden that he just doesn't feel comfortable telling you.  We had to do that, and it helped, alot.  Anyhow, good luck to you and hang in there.

Answer 13

Wash his mouth out with soap. Bar soap probably better so he doesnt swallow it but even if he did swallow some soap it wouldnt hurt him. Tell him if hes gonna have a dirty mouth he has to get it cleaned. sounds mean but it works and doesnt do any long-term mental damage haha