Ok any parents experience the same thing? difficult child!?

Question

my son who is 9 next week is really lazy, rude, picks on his brother who is 7. His attitude makes my blood boil and gets in the way of our relationship. Is this a faze? Always trying to annoy me and no matter what i say to discipline him he ignore's me.

Answer 1

Sounds like my son used to be he went like this just before he started high school so prob about 11 he had such a bad attitude answered back banged doors kicked things always had to have the last word!! I could go on but eventually left him to it he's now 14 and a lot better i tried everything in the end i just felt defeated, he would always apologise after but the same thing would happen the following day it was like ground hog day!!Hopefully things will sort themselves out more than likely his hormones starting to kick in.

Answer 2

I got a 9 & 10 year old who are just like this! Drives me nuts - I'm hoping it's a passing phase.

Answer 3

Try positive reinforcement - I've heard it's the most effective.

Every time he does what you ask or any chores, he gets a star.

When he gets 10 stars (or any appropriate number), he gets a treat - whether candy, toy. . .

You can then give him the choice to turn in his 10 stars for a little treat or to save up for a bigger treat (something more expensive he's wanted, like a video game. . .)

If he knows that getting 50 stars will get him a video game/trip to laser tag/chuckie cheese/something he really wants, then he will try hard to save them up. Give him something to work for.

Don't take stars away because that will cause a fight & actually not help that much.

It will be more effective to tell him he can get 5 stars if he can go a whole day without picking in his brother instead of taking away a star if he does.

Give him something to work for instead of something to reward.

Keep the star system something positive & rewarding. . .

Edit:

Whenever I yelled or made a fuss my mom always said, "what, I can't hear you. What did you say?"

She was good about not getting angry over my bad behavior, keeping a smile & talking in a light hearted, friendly fashion.

She kept saying she couldn't hear me until I lowered my voice & talked calmly & in the appropriate way.

Of course I would yell louder at first until I realized I wouldn't be listened to until I spoke at the right level.

I also learned that yelling didn't get me anywhere & till this day I keep a calm & level voice when I argue. . .

Answer 4

my mum went through this with my sister. It was a phase that she grew out of fortunately. Offer him incentives to be nice and get him into organised sport or something.

Everytime he tries to annoy you just pretend you dont even notice. Be firm  on how you discipline him, restricting things that you can actually control, like going to a friends house, or eating sweets, turning off the television. Let him scream or cry, they get over it reasonably fast and it wont scarr him! :)

hope it goes ok.

Answer 5

Sounds like my soon to be 8 year old son. He always picks on his younger brother too and annoys me.Discipline never works on him either. I think its a faze because my older son did this too but soon out grew it.  

Answer 6

Always difficult being the oldest child, could be a spot of jealousy? Is there any way you can find time to just spend with him and maybe let a friend or relative look after the younger one? With your undivided attention from time to time things might ease up, but he will grow out of this phase!  

Answer 7

Oh just take him to the doc's he must have ADHD!

Where I work (a primary school) any child who does not behave well is swiftly taken to the GP to be labelled ADHD, to absolve the child or the parents of any blame.

Seriously, it could be just a phase but try to spend some quality time alone with him to unpick any worries he may have and be firm with him, stop his treats when he behaves this way and do not give in.

Answer 8

keep the comunication open with him, spend a bit of 1-1 time with him, the brother side of things they can be horrid to each other, my oldest (13) picks on his younger brother (7) if like me you then end up getting stuck in a bit of a rut and blaming the oldest 1 most of the time, (coz there older and should no better,i find myself saying) children wll be children and as i always say theyre children for 16yrs they then have to spend a long time being adults, try not to get to cross with him, try to have more fun with him, with them both, go for bike rides together, play football together boys against mum, its so lovely when you see them working together and the celebrations when the win working together

mine is 13 and still in that faze! he does have a very caring side just not with his brother!

however the lazy and the attitude i would certainly try nippin in the bud now before that gets worse, try finding something he can do that you can be very proud of him for!

Good luck

Answer 9

yes it is a phase! he will get over it!  

Answer 10

its normal he will grow out of it.