Ok i am just going to poor my heart out here. My ex is with another woman, will i ever find anyone?

Question

ok this is really tuff. My ex & i was with each other for 3.8years have 3kids together. I miss him & he says he misses me too. He says he is going to countselling coz he is having trouble moving on. Ok so what does all this mean? he misses me etc, but wont come home! I have stopped drinking, that caused so many problems. He is now with this other woman, but he says he isn't happy, he says he is scared to come home coz he thinks things wiukll be the same, but they won't i know i have that alcholism disease & am going to AA meetiings all the time, it has been 6months & i have begged & cried for him to come home, but he wont, he just ignors me me for days & then will speck to me for hours. i wonder if i will ever find someone, i have 3kids, who will want me? this is h**l. I just want him to come home. why am i typiung here, i will only get blasted :(

oh well what the h**l, felt good to get that part out anyways.

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Answer 1

One day at a time.  Congrats on the no drinking, now focus on your children and when the time is right you will find a man or he will see the changes and come home. If he truly means what he says the other woman wouldn't be with him. Society today: men almost expect to find a woman with children.

Hang in there, you have a lot to focus on and in time you 'll find the happiness you want.

Answer 2

Take it one day at a time. look for the good in life and that will make you happy. hint hint (your kids)

Answer 3

I was married for 15 years when my husband wanted to be with another woman I thought I wouldn't ever find any one who would want me with two teenage kids but I did find a really nice man who I have now been married to for 6 years we have a 5 year old daughter and my kids love him very much as if he were there own dad, but before I meet him life was hard I was down on my self but you have to know that when god closes one door he opens another one and things will get better and you will eventually meet another man who will love you the way you deserve you just have to take care of your self and your kids and when the time is right and your not thinking about it life is going to change trust me it has happened to me and I know it will happen for you

Just take care of your self and kids that is what matters now good luck with your life

Answer 4

You need to take it one day at a time.  You control your own destiny.  Before you get involved with anyone else continue working on yourself.  Go back to school, get an education, then a career.  Make your three kids proud of their mom

Answer 5

I think you need to get some positive reinforcement in you life. Alcoholism is tough but I applaud you for doing something about it - keep up the good work and keep going to the meetings!

You need to find yourself again and you need to start feeling good about yourself. If the two of you are to be together, you will be again, but pushing him to come back to you isn't the way to go. I think he probably still loves you but you need to make more positive changes in your life that he can see so he can begin to appreciate you again.

So start with YOU! You have to learn to not need him or anyone else. Once you're there, you'll find someone. You have to gain good self-esteem and learn to love yourself. Taking a step in dealing with your drinking problem is a good start - but where are you going from here?  Are you dealing with the issues that made you an alcoholic in the first place? And how is your social life - it must be tough having three kids, but it's very important to make time for yourself, even if it is only once a week. I suggest getting involved in a sport - not just going to the gym but a team sport. This will make you feel great about yourself when you start getting into shape and exercising releases 'feel good' chemicals into your brain that make you feel on top of the world! Also the sociability of it will make you realize that maybe you're in a circle of 'looking after kids and trying to get your ex back and trying to cope'. I'd recommend a basketball team or even better  - Roller Derby (now there's a 'we don't need guys' sport!) You'll meet new people, you'll feel more attractive and you'll have FUN!

Answer 6

One piece of advice.  If you are strong enough, you can choose not to drink again.  You are not helpless like AA says you are as if you are a victim of the alcohol.  You can just decide to give it up and not use it again by seeing the fact that it is YOU who are in control of your life and what you do or do not do.  I don't buy into the AA's concept that you are helpless to help yourself.  In the end, even if you are with a group of others, it is still YOU who are making the conscious decision not to drink alcohol.

When you decide to give up alcohol permanently, you need to stop DOING the things that alcoholics do.  You know from the 12 Step process, that alcoholics always do things that include  alcohol...whether it is going to a picknick or fishing, somewhere in the activity is alcohol.  Secondly, stop associating with anyone else that drinks, because they will pressure you socially to have a drink.  You have to stop going to bars, parties or going to any other ENVIRONMENT where people are drinking.  Literally, you have to divorce yourself from them.  A person who drinks around you is your enemy, not your friend.

Whenever you are facing a problem, of course your first reaction is to fall back on alcohol and you know that isn't going to solve anything, so why do it?

Third, you don't NEED to have anyone, not your ex and not anyone else.  As long as you act needy, dependent and desperate, you won't find anyone else.  You have to learn to be independent minded, not desperate and not needy.  I don't think you like yourself and that is your main problem, you are expecting other people to like you but that won't happen so long as you don't like yourself.  So alcohol is a way of killing yourself without you even knowing it, getting rid of the unacceptable self, with an unacceptable behavior makes no sense.

There had to be a point in your life when you did not drink and then you suddenly started to take up drinking.  Only you know why you did and whenyou did and for what reason.  You will stop drinking WHEN you decide to and not before.  Sure, its an addiction, but only you can put an end to it and take control of yourself.  

Personally, I think you were blasted when you wrote your question.  So there you are, drinking and destroying yourself, being dependent and needy.  

I am not feeling sorry for you, I am just being up front. You have control, and alcohol never has.  When you replace alcohol with yourself as the one who is in control, you will take control and be able to change the other aspects that are destroying you.  

Answer 7

He left you....your an alkie....get over your poor pathetic self...you have 3 kids......get used to being alone and be a mom for once

Answer 8

Very hearty and sincere congratulations on staying on the wagon.

The rest of your rant just bothered me because of bad grammar and such problems.

s***w what he says.  You just gave the answer.  You put your finger right on it-  he ignores you for days and although you're in better shape than you used to be, he still has not come back.

Don't beg him.  Don't grovel.

He hasn't come back yet and I don't think he will.

He's probably not strong or determined enough to make a clean break, so you'll have to do it for him.  Have the insight and the wisdom to see that if he's not happy with another woman, it's none of your business.  If he's not coming back to you, then you don't need to hear it.

Of course you miss him, and of course he misses you.  It doesn't mean that you don't still love eachother.  I mean, you have kids together.

You must realise that he calls to say he misses you only when he's down with himself, at the moments he's most vulnerable, and having you to talk to is reassuring.  Recognize those moments for what they are and don't hear what he has to say.  He's already paying someone to listen, anyway.

Concentrate on your kids, and get over yourself, just that wee bit.

Best wishes.

Answer 9

Six months is a good amount of time to stop drinking, but if you continue to stay sober you will look back and realise how much further there is to go.  It is early days for putting things right and the 'rush' and insistance that things are put right quickly can be unrealistic, not as urgent or necessary as you think and can be an indicator of the type of thinking that led to drinking in the first place.  Dealing with frustration is not always an Alkies forte.

As well as going to AA you could take a look at smartrecovery.org.

Good luck with your efforts.